orionhi Reviews

Under the Shadow (2016)

Fake reviews

[1/10 · 19 May 2024]

There is no way any objective person watched this movie and gave it 6, 8 or even 10 stars. This movie is at best a 2 or 3 star. In my opinion it's a zero. There is a whole lot of scary stuff implied but nothing actually happens. With all the talk and suggestions of something coming you wait with anticipation and then the movie is over!!! Nothing happens. I don't have very high expectations and keep an open mind with low budget or indie movies but even with low expectations this movie sucked. I highly recommend the director watch a few good horror movies and take notes on what it takes because this movie has nothing to it.

Soul to Keep (2018)

What's the point of reviews if most are fake

[1/10 · 10 May 2024]

This movie is a second rate, bargain basement, on sale at the dollar store movie. There is nothing about this movie that would justify a 6 or 7 or 8 star rating. So when you rate you friends, cousin, uncle, girlfriends movie a 6 or 7 or 8 when it's clearly a 1 or 2 star movie you defeat the purpose of a rating system. I understand you want to support your friends or family that had a part in this movie but How can people trust that a movie is worth watching if you post fake reviews? And do you really think you and all your friends are going to make a difference when there is hundreds or thousands of reviews? Be honest, say the movie sucks.

Monstrous (2020)

Why, just why?

[1/10 · 27 March 2024]

Why would anyone make such a steaming pile of crap? Think about it, someone filmed this, edited this and said "this is great" and released it. Whoever is responsible for thinking this was in anyway a movie that should be released should be banned from making movies. And the director, producer and all the people in the film. Banned from making movies because they have no idea what it takes to make a movie. This is the most boring nonsense ever. This is a movie about two ugly lesbians comforting each other. Nothing about a monster as the title would have you believe. If you watched the preview you wasted enough time on this garbage. Find something else to watch.

Transformers: Rise of the Beasts (2023)

Go go power rangers

[1/10 · 11 March 2024]

Wow. Never seen power ranger Jason kick so much butt. That Puerto Rican power ranger was just plain stupid. Wait, there's no Puerto Rican power ranger. Was this really a transformer movie ?!?! Some idiot from the Bronx suddenly knows all Optimus primes moves, guns, knives?!?! This really was as bad or worse than a power ranger episode. The story around the kid from the Bronx was so idiotic. He can't get a job but saves the world. I can't express how bad this movie is. They should be embarrassed to even attach the transformer name to this garbage. The screen writer and director should be banned from ever working in show business again.

Haven (II) (2018)

Nice try but nope

[1/10 · 9 March 2024]

A couple of the actors weren't bad. The girl gave it a good effort. The bad guys in this were terrible actors. The worst part is the writer. Bro, this movie is boring as hell. You need tension, action and drama to keep the viewers interest. You fell way short. I've seen 15 minute shorts that had all those elements in the first minute. There is no character development in this movie. How do you expect viewers to want to watch this when they don't care one bit about the characters? You need the viewer to want the good guy to win but you did nothing to develop interest in any character. Maybe next time.

The Last Days (2013)

Nice fake reviews

[1/10 · 28 February 2024]

They must have gotten every single person associated with this movie to leave a fake review on how great it is because I guarantee there are not 39 people that think this movie is six stars or above. This movie is really dumb. A ten foot tall grizzly bear lives in the church and they think it's hilarious, he hangs a gas can from the ceiling and shoots the can with a gun and it blows a perfectly round hole in the concrete above, if they step out of the doorway they will die but they can stand in the doorway with the door wide open and they're fine, they open the windows and drink rain water and they're fine, every other animal is running around outside and they're fine, I can go on and on but you get the point. There's no way anyone would truthfully give this movie 10 stars or even 5 stars. Right now this is the only honest review Don't waste your time with this piece of garbage.

Valhalla Rising (2009)

Slow and boring

[1/10 · 2 February 2024]

I see other reviews saying it's raw or intense but this is all nonsense. It seems more like the director only had 45 minutes of usable footage but needed a 90 minute movie so he would way overdue parts just to drag it out. The first 30 minutes nothing much happens but they show fight scenes after fight scene which is totally unnecessary. We get the point. He's a warrior. Then the boat scene drags on and on and doesn't show anything that helps the plot. Most of what's shown is pointless. Hey director, get a clue man. All that unnecessary stuff takes away from the movie, it doesn't help. It makes the movie boring.

You can skip this one. You're not missing anything.

Evie (2023)

What was that mess?

[1/10 · 28 January 2024]

Ok. So the first 8 minutes was interesting and caught my attention. Every minute after that was so boring it was putting me to sleep. I can't believe the director and film editors saw the final cut of this movie and thought "that's great, people will love it". Absolutely nothing happens for the rest of the movie. You get to watch this girl pour booze in her face and that's the extent of the movie. It's no spoiler to say it's a supernatural ghost movie but they don't explain anything. I think they implied what it was at the beginning but this movie is such a cluster flop you have no idea. Needless to say I do not recommend this movie. You'll find more excitement doing laundry or waiting for your fingernails grow.

Lullaby (IV) (2022)

Seemed like hours of crying baby

[1/10 · 12 January 2024]

I cannot believe you would make a movie with what seemed like hours of a crying baby and think that movie would be successful?!?!?! Are you out of your ever lovin mind??? Who the heck wants to hear that?? I seriously think the director is deaf and stupid. You do NOT need to have the baby crying constantly to build tension or demonstrate that he's upset or show fear. It's not even a good movie! If it was a decent movie it may be tolerable but it's not. The premise has been done before and the actors could have been more interesting if they were cardboard cut-outs.

If you value your time, sanity and eardrums you will pass right by this movie. Don't even watch the trailer,

The Breach (I) (2022)

Dull, slow and boring

[1/10 · 13 November 2023]

This is a bad made-for-tv movie. It's slow as hell. There are many moments when you think something is about to happen but alas, absolutely nothing does. I am not exaggerating. Three quarters through the movie and nothing. You don't know any more than you did five minutes in the movie. Is it about ghosts, monsters or voodoo? No idea. I can't believe the studio and movie executives watched this and said "great movie, let's release it". I noticed Slash is in the credits prominently. That alone should tell you this movie is crap. His contributions are worthless. Take my advice, don't waste your time. Don't even bother watching the preview. Skip this movie altogether. You won't regret it.

Europa Report (2013)

Don't bother. Huge thumbs down

[1/10 · 23 September 2023]

Simply put its 89 minutes of build and one minute of "what the hell, that was it?" So the movie essentially explains who these clowns are but does nothing to help you connect with any of the characters. You end up not caring at all if they live or die. So , of course, there's complications with the ship and the one thing every movie fails to prepare for but every movie has , solar flares. That must be the go-to unexpected complication in every movie. How do we make it more dramatic? Let's throw in some solar flares. So anyway, 89 minutes of build and complications and dying and how does it end???? A half second glimpse of a bedazzled octopus. The end.

The Hallow (2015)

Why are you a director?

[1/10 · 20 September 2023]

When will these people learn that the general viewing public does not like crying babies throughout a movie??? The baby may be pivotal to the movie but it is completely unnecessary to have him crying constantly. Then you made the main character so stupid, "it's my job" that I couldn't finish the movie. Would a real person put his family in mortal danger because it's my job. If you were trying to make him a hated character then you succeeded. I hated him by the 30 minute mark.

I think if you are a parent you will hate this movie and won't even finish it when you see what these clowns do to their baby. In general it's a boring move with very little in terms of substance. Skip this movie.

After the End (2017)

I couldn't finish watching this garbage

[1/10 · 19 September 2023]

They are riding bikes and based on the riding scenes averaging 8-10 mph stopping occasionally to literally smell the flowers. This goes on for several days so they should be 144-180 miles from where they started. There are three sloppy, fat, tubs of lard following them on foot and somehow can track their direction when they ride bicycles over asphalt. They stop frequently to look for clues as to what direction they went so at that walking speed they should be 18-36 miles from where they started which is the same location as the pair and somehow the three fat guys walking end up on the same path way ahead of the pair on bicycles. Now I understand you have to suspend belief on movies for the movie to work but when it's a major part of the plot is that utterly stupid it's just not possible and whoever directed this should be banned from making movies because you cause people to waste an hour of their life on this nonsense.

Where's Rose (2021)

Boring nonsense

[1/10 · 20 August 2023]

There's no mystery, no suspense, no edge of your seat excitement. It's slow boring garbage. It's essentially the same scene over and over. The boy pulling his hair out trying to figure out what's going on but they show that same scene over and over and over again. I guarantee you if you watch this all the way through to the end you Will be disappointed you wasted an hour and a half of your life on this crap. Especially when you see the monster. This rubber suit. Looks like something straight out of power rangers. My advice, keep looking. You'll find a movie much better than this one or read a book or sort your sock drawer. Even that's more entertaining than this movie.

Invasion (2021–2024)

A whole lot of pointless nonsense

[1/10 · 24 June 2023]

By the last few episodes I was rooting for the aliens. These people are so stupid I wanted all of them to die. The way they developed the characters make you hate them and hope they die. You don't have hope or compassion or any other positive feelings for them. The way they progress you hate them more and more. And can someone explain why so many movies lately have to have rotten, disobedient kids? All that does is make viewers hate the kids. Then the aliens are right outside the door, "shhhh, be quiet, no talking, ok, I won't talk, after I loudly explain what I was doing". So you end up hating the kids, the adults, everyone, and hoping the aliens kill everyone so there won't be a season 2 of this garbage.

Session 9 (2001)

Boring movies do not constitute psychological thriller

[1/10 · 2 November 2022]

This movie is boring beyond belief. An hour into it and nothing at all has happened. I know people will say "you just don't get it, it's a psychological thriller". I got this movie just fine. And it's boring AF. There is nothing interesting, exciting, scary, or entertaining about this garbage. My suggestion to you, don't believe the ratings. They are dishonest and disingenuous reviews to improve the ratings for a really bad movie. Don't waste your time with this movie. And certainly don't spend a dime to watch it. This movie isn't worth it. I'm a little surprised David Caruso is in this but as they say, you get paid for the bad ones too.

Beast (I) (2022)

What not to do

[1/10 · 8 October 2022]

This is an absolutely stupid movie. A lion is killing everyone and the girls want to go for a walk and go see the uncle and the trees. Not sure how the dad didn't die in the first twenty minutes. I was hoping those stupid girls get killed. Why does Hollywood think people like watching spoiled, rotten, snotty kids? It does not contribute to character development when you want the characters to die. I only made it through half the movie before I turned it off. It was complete nonsense how they reacted to being attacked by a massive lion. I don't recommend you watch this. I don't even recommend you watch the trailer.

Keep Breathing (2022)

Long boring nonsense

[1/10 · 22 August 2022]

I don't think this movie knew what it wanted to be, action or drama and it fails at both. The situations she went through are preposterous. From the crash, the bear, swimming, ridiculous. There were so many flashbacks in this snoozfest that it made the movie annoying to watch and confusing at times. Maybe because I got bored and lost interest but either way don't waste your time with this.

Morbius (2022)

Disappointing

[2/10 · 23 June 2022]

There was no character development at all. You feel no connection anyone in this movie. There is no feeling at all because the movie didn't go step 1, 2, 3. It went 1,5,8. Like during editing the cut some major plot points to add more action but it screwed the movie. Maybe we'll get luck and they'll make 6 more movies like they did Spider-Man and someone will get it right.

Wander (I) (2020)

A steaming pile

[1/10 · 30 May 2022]

Of crap. Long boring nonsense. A movie that starts nowhere, goes nowhere and ends nowhere. Not sure what the purpose of this movie was but it's a huge waste of time.

The Rental (2020)

Yawn

[1/10 · 26 April 2022]

Boring slasher movie with a stupid ending. Very predictable. What was the point of making this movie. It went nowhere. Whoever directed this movie should stick to doing something more in line with his skill set like mowing lawn's because this movie is as exciting as watching grass grow.

Agnes (2021)

Clusterflop with a side order of garbage

[1/10 · 25 April 2022]

This movie was slow and went nowhere. Whoever directed this should do something more at their skill level like be a garbage man because they know how to carry garbage very well. This movie is proof of that.

The Cursed (2021)

It was ok. Certainly wasn't great

[5/10 · 20 April 2022]

A bit slow and long because for the longest time not much happens. I don't like movies that jump around chronologically. I prefer movie that show things as they progress. They show the ending first so after two hours of a slow boring movie you forget what happened in the beginning or more importantly, you no longer care. You just want the movie to be over.

The Ruins (2008)

Like a long Creepshow episode

[7/10 · 5 April 2022]

Not a bad movie. A bit corny but watchable. Maybe not first on your list of movies to watch but 4th or 5th. Wish there was some back story to the origin of the monster but...

The Pilot: A Battle for Survival (2021)

Wow, amazing

[1/10 · 2 April 2022]

I had no idea the Russians were such good, honest, upstanding people. I had the Ukrainian invasion all wrong. It's the evil Ukrainians and U. S. we should give them back Alaska.