kintsukana Reviews

TMZ Presents: The Downfall of Diddy (2024 TV Special)

Really hard to take seriously.

[1/10 · 18 May 2024]

Some of the most inauthentic speakers with robotic and monotone delivery I've ever had the displeasure of viewing. I made it 20 minutes in before shutting it off since all the background noise or "music" made it entirely too annoying to try and follow the random people (no one knows who they are) talking. There is like way overly "tense" and dramatic music copy and pasted on top of every interview even with nothing interesting being talked about that is super annoying.

They really need to find a singular narrator that comes across as mildly serious and not rely on random tickytok clips by people no one has ever heard of.

It's rather sad seeing an old man like heavy leavin trying his best to appeal to kids to prolong the already too long lifespan of tmz. Hopefully sooner rather than later they will go the way of perez hilton and disappear into the ether.

It's VERY hard to take it seriously due to heavy leavin attempting to come across as a serious presenter but he looks like he just came back from a week long bender with the orange creature he loves so much.

Aubrey O'Day must've needed a paycheck or something considering she has never been relevant. Last anyone even heard about her was when she was on that apprentice show with the orange thing...

Hmm I'm beginning to see a trend with the people involved in this "documentary" are the same people that love the twice impeached and soon to be jailed orange thing.

Not worth watching, you'd be better off finding a random youtube channel explaining the situation.

AGT: Fantasy League (2024– )

It's "okay".

[5/10 · 18 January 2024]

Very 'got talent' meets 'the voice' since there are teams in this edition. Nothing new or original just everything you've seen in youtube compilations over the years from the different got talent versions around the globe.

Guess the ratings were down and they needed something to spice up the formula however considering how nearly every act is so over produced from auto-tune on children to intentionally editing certain people up to look worse than they are... There is also the overly fake audience "reactions" spliced in everywhere as per usual.

The 'voting' of who gets in or doesn't seems so arbitrary because there is no public vote and we're told that the "superfans" in attendance are the ones picking who goes through yet it's never shown actually happening. Feels like it's just whoever the producers want because the reactions do not line up with some of them that are through to the semi-finals.

Sure it's an entertainment show however now it's just who can play nice enough with the judges/editors and who the producers want to be given a "fair shot" and/or who will make them the most money.

As is stands now the show just seems to come across very inauthentic. Still watchable just not as good as it used to be.

Rooting for Loren Allred because she so deserves it.

Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022)

I'm 25 minutes in...

[1/10 · 10 December 2022]

It's not good. Amature actors. Bad effects. Terrible dialouge. Annoying sounds. Not a single likable character to be found.

We're "treated" with 50 f-bombs by the 10 minute mark in place of actual conversations since no actual person talks like these people.

Santa is supposed to be a robot but it's clearly a man in a suit and beard, then they do this annoying first person perspective with awful "mecanical" sounds as he's moving and walking around. Because of the first person shots the first two kills are barely able to be seen nor will you really understand what is happening because you can barely see anything.

There's no reason why this "santa robot" came alive and for god's sake why are people getting it on in a children's toy store?

In the 5 minutes it took to write this I am now 30 minutes in and am going to shut it off. It's not even a decent horror movie to waste time because listening to the characters scream and swear at each other makes it completely unbearable.

Shame there are so many crew members giving this a 7 or 8 it doesn't deserve a 1 but you can't give movies a 0 on here.

Also to whoever "wrote" the dialogue in this movie.... Please stop immediately.

Hellraiser (2022)

We have such sights to show you...

[7/10 · 7 October 2022]

Considering how aboslutely terrible the last few movies in the series have been this is actually a huge step up all around. The visual effects and Cenobite designs are amazing, really sick and twisted in comparison to the originals. Whoever designed them great work!

The first 40-45 minutes or so start off rather slow we're treated to a mild tease of what's to come in the opening scenes then two poorly acted sex scenes that were entirely unnessesary and serve zero purpose to the plot.

We're intruced to our main character who is pretty much completely unlikable and by the half way mark you just kinda hope the Cenobites take her to their dimension. She's bumbling, annoying and basically gets into fights with everyone she comes in contact with (besides the boyfriend). Once she comes upon the box she just kind of stumbles into stabbing people with it causing them to be sacrificed. The way that it just 'happens' for person after person overstays it's welcome however I understand it was needed for the plot to continue.

If you can set aside how stupid all the human characters are and how annoying all her friends are it gets much better. Like at one point they're being chased in the woods, one stands there like a deer in headlights for 30 seconds then decides to run and falls over and sits there, very typical horror movie troupes that didn't need to happen.

You'll be treated to some very disturbing visuals. Very groady sound effects and visually repulsive demons that make up for the slow first half.

Pinhead is actually much more intimidating in this version of the character, rather than a stoic riddle giving presence Pinhead is this stern, enigmatic entity that actually is someone to be feared. Don't get me wrong Doug Bradley is amazing in every way as Pinhead but Jamie just brings the character to this whole other place that I wasn't expecting and rather enjoyed. The last two actors to try it looked so poor that they just could not be taken seriously at all. I personally just wish more than two of the Cenobites got to showcase powers. There are about five or six present but only Pinhead and 'The Gasp' have any showing for their abilities which is a shame because they all look so amazing you really want them to do something other than stand around getting trapped behind gates.

If you've enjoyed the past Hellraiser movies you'll definitely enjoy this one it's just unfortunate that you want the 'final girl' and all her friends to die because of the poor acting and annoying characterization.

I would have liked a bit more explanation of what was going on during the final scene though, it's completely sick and twitsted what's being shown but I did not understand what it had to do with the 'gift' he chose earlier. Either way I'd reccomend it for at least one viewing because for the most part it was very well done, just needed less humans and more Cenobites and their abilities.

Clerks III (2022)

Tragically unfunny.

[1/10 · 16 September 2022]

Unfortunately smith has never been a very good writer or director and this "movie" just cements that notion.

The few mild "jokes" are just rehashes of the first two 'Clerks' movies, nothing is new or entertaining here. It's missing heart, a good script, jokes and proper direction.

Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amy Sedaris and Rosario Dawson are all wasted in this, talented beyond the rest of the cast yet are given some of the worst dialogue in this "movie". Although I must admit is very nice to see Sarah Michelle Gellar again considering she's been doing mostly voice work for the last 10 years.

Holding onto characters and stoner "jokes" from over 20 years ago which were never amusing in the first place is no way to go about making a movie for the current times.

It's true that smith has a history of mocking and trash talking other much better actors/professionals in the business yet can never seem to make a product on the same level as all of those people he's badmouthed over the years. You would think after attacking and dismissing so many talented people throughout his "career" he'd be able to come up with a movie that is much better than those he has ripped to shreds, unfortunately that isn't the case here, nor has it ever been.

The movie is just a longwinded farewell of depression relying on the same shtick that for some unknown reason made him semi "famous". Comedies are supposed to be funny and lift your spirits, this "movie" does entirely the opposite and just makes you feel awful after viewing it.

There was 6 other people watching this besides my spouse and myself. After the first 30 minutes we all decided it was better to turn it off because there was no enjoyment present just sadness and depression. I genuninely do not understand who keeps funding these "movies" because they all seem like a waste of money and talent.

If smith could come up with an original idea or thought that he hasn't already used 900 times in the past MAYBE it would make for a decent 20 minute sketch however a full length movie just shouldn't be in the cards for him if they contain zero original ideas. These characters just need to be done and over with all the possible ways the characters could go but like all of smith's characters they're stuck in the same boring loop of nothing happening besides death.

The only people that would enjoy this drivel are long time fans of his "work" however I dare say the majority will be left disappointed because there is nothing entertaining here, no fun, no light heartedness, no jokes. It's all just doom and gloom from the start until we shut it off and having read the wiki for the rest of the "movie" it does not improve just gets worse as the run time continues.

Someone make smith stop smoking weed and PLEASE make him aware that when your characters were one note and you had one "joke" 30 years ago that it should be left in the past unless there is something new or entertaining enough to re-visit them.

It's the same situation you saw eons ago just much older and it's quite sad to look at. It's just a basic self made biography of smith's life as a "director" using shoehorned in characters from his past "movies".

Save yourself the depression and skip it, you'll just end up feeling sad and empty and wondering WHY this needed to be made.

0/10.

Halloween Kills (2021)

Quite disappointing

[3/10 · 16 October 2021]

There have been many better takes on Halloween than this movie even Halloween H2O was more enjoyable and that one was pretty campy. Considering how decent the last one was this one just retroactively ruins the ending of 'Halloween 2018'.

We basically have two different movies mashed together for the first hour and twenty minutes of run time that converges together in some mega cringe 'how many people can we kill as fast as possible to make the movie have a lot of deaths' at the end.

The first half hour to forty minutes of the movie is "ok" aside from the completely unnessesary cameo from Kyle Richards (she cannot act and disappears half way into the movie thankfully). There is one kill that is actually so dumb and out of left field I burst out laughing because it really is just one of the dumbest kills ever put into a movie (woman dressed up as a nurse, you'll know when it happens)

After the semi decent first part of the movie we waste the entire middle portion of the movie in a hospital where literally nothing plot relevent happens and it just seems to hang there for forever. I actually had to pause the movie at several parts because of this and almost didn't finish it because it just goes on FAR too long, it's not interesting, it's not fun and it's not enjoyable.

The last ten or twenty minutes are again decent but it's just quick kill after quick kill for no reason. Like if you saw 'It 2' where they bully Pennywise to death it's very similar in tone and super cringe. It's quite jarring and at no point aside from Micheal Myers and Laurie appearing does it feel like a Halloween movie, You could sub in literally any faceless person in Myers' role and it wouldn't have made a difference.

Honestly I wasn't expecting much just some fun mindless entertainment but I didn't get any outside of the Micheal McDonald cameo.

It seems with the ending they're planning on another unnessesary sequel which if they decide to fine but please get someone else to direct and write the story they're severely lacking in suspense, cool kills and likable characters you want to root for.

Dave Chappelle: The Closer (2021 TV Special)

He used to be funny.

[1/10 · 8 October 2021]

Not anymore though.

There are no jokes present just hateful viewpoints and being okay with racism and physcial assault if it's done by "our people".

David's "humour" at this point is a relic of the past. It may have worked 10 or 15 years ago but these days he just comes across as completely out of touch with reality and where we are in scociety.

Anyone that enjoyed this or found anything in it even mildy humourous I would think much less of. Also quite depressing to see so many people giving this drivel 10/10 for over an hour of hateful ranting while begging to not be "cancelled".

He brings shame to our culture. Absolute mediocrity.

Batman: The Long Halloween, Part One (2021)

Great storyline, poor voice acting.

[4/10 · 25 June 2021]

The story is great as it's taken from one of the better comic one off storylines from Batman. Could've done without the Gordon family drama with the kids and the Harvey Dent depressed girlfriend storyline at the start. Gets much better once you get past the first five minutes.

The animators did a great job with the art style, the thick black outlines really make the characters pop. DC has always done much better when they lean into hard R movies then the fluff PG-13 stuff.

The only major negatives are a lot of the voice actors.

Jensen does "okay" as Batman but he sounds too young and doesn't have that deep gravely tone while in the cape as some of the much better well known voice actors of the character.

Catwoman was terribly miscast. RIP Naya Rivera but she was a bad choice for the character. Catwoman is supposed to be sulty and sexy, Rivera just comes across as whiny and annoying. Her voice doesn't fit the character at all and I sincerly wish they would hire people for their voice acting talent and not name recognition. Just because they're known actors does not mean they're good voice actors.

Burke sounds way too young to play Gordon, yes all the characters are younger but Gordon is still the oldest of the main cast and sounds even younger than Jensen. Honestly not sure why they thought he was a good fit.

Duhamel as Harvey Dent is actually pretty cringe. Very unpleasent to the ears, very poor direction and the duo-personality act physically made me cringe with how bad it is. He really tried his best but oh boy is it a bad portrayal.

Surprisingly enough one of the worst Batman villians ever (Callender Man) has one of the best voice actors in regards to the character. It's pretty much perfect casting. It's just a shame the character looks nothing like the voice sounds. He's too butch and bulky looking to have been in isolation in prison.

Titus Welliver as Carmine is also perfect casting. His voice is amazing and I wish he'd get cast more, he's a powerhouse.

Fred Tatasciore as Solomon is perfect, what a great voice.

Troy Baker is an immense voice actor but oh my god is he a terrible Joker. It sounds like he went to Mark Hamill voice acting lessons and just tried to copy his AMAZING Joker voice. The tone is off, the laugh is terrible, it's super breathy and wheezy. It's honestly one of the worst portrayals of the Joker since the terrible version in The Dark Knight Returns movies.

If you can get past the mediore voice acting the movie it's self is alright.

Showbiz Kids (2020)

Decent but no meat.

[5/10 · 19 July 2020]

Okay watch for a rainy Sunday but other than touching on a few people's general history in acting and a few off hand mentions of child abuse there really isn't much new knowledge or focus brought to the issues facing child actors.

The editing is kind of incoherrant and it doesn't really seem to know what it wants to be. Is it supposed to be a mini child actor documentary? A commentary on how children in "the biz" are treated? Or something else? It doesn't seem to know it's focus and quite frankly neither do I.

Too much time was wasted on current child stars as well with storylines like wanting to go to summer camp that add nothing, in fact actually detracts from it. Some of the people interviewed are also completely unlikable with no charisma and rather than feeling for their situation you just kind of feel resentful towards them for complaining about the great opportunities other people would kill for.

The Good: Milla Jovovich, Mara Wilson, Henry Thomas and Todd Bridges. All were great interviews, shared a lot of personal information and you really get a feel for the hardships kids face growing up and out of childhood "cuteness" and how it can leave you feeling empty inside when you're no longer wanted.

Milla is an actual Goddess and icon, fight me.

The Bad: Cameron Boyce, Marc Slater and Demi Singleton. Too much time wasted on them that nothing for the plot of the dicumentary or add to it in any meaningful way. Honestly those parts should've just been edited out and replaced with more from Milla, Mara and Todd. I wanted much more information from them but as soon as they really started getting into information it would switch to one of the annoying children showing off for the camera. Seriously good on Cam for getting those gigs but he added nothing what-so-ever. No adversity, no hardships, nothing. Just being a good boy and listening to what people told him to do. Honestly all three current kids were a waste screen time in this.

The Ugly: Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Wheaton and Evan Rachel Wood.

Jada's appeareance served zero purpose and never should've been added. She's creepy and weird with all the fake Oprah pseudo-intellectual psychobabble and bangs her kid's friends that suffer from addiction. She added nothing besides faking sincerity continuing to attempt to p*** out her kids kardashian style to the entertainment industry which thankfully doesn't care about them. Both of her children are so out of touch with reality I would just be complely embarassed with myself if I were Jada, unfortunely that would take humility and self awareness, things she severely lacks.

Will Wheaton is one of the most uncharismatic and unlikable people I have ever come across when it comes to actors. Even on Reddit he has this insufferable air of condescension that oozes out of him and I just cannot stand the man. All that he did was whine the entire time so much so in fact that I skipped past every part he appeared on screen. What a grating individual.

Evan is SO whiny. Has gotten everything she ever wanted, high praise, beauty, acting skills, money, fame, adoration and all she does is complain about it. She seems so ungrateful and spoiled. I lost a lot of respect for her after this appearance.

All in all it's alright if you can ignore about 30-40 minutes of totally wasted screen time. Would've been much better off focusing on Milla, Mara, Todd, Henry and Diana Serra Cary (Baby Peggy rip). Everyone else was pretty much wasted air time.

5/10

The Goop Lab (2020– )

Just as dangerous as anti-vaxxers.

[1/10 · 24 January 2020]

Netflix is such a mixed bag they make some phenomal stuff like The Witcher while at the same time peddling this totally out of touch woman's idiotic pseudoscience pandering to the bowels of society with her 'vag scented candles' all to make a buck. Paltrow is the trump of the 'life guru' world destined to go down in history as a dangerous moron.

The fact they actually green-lit this trash is such a massive miss-step.

We should not be giving people with these dangeous ideas like gwennie and jennifer macarthy any form of platform to con lesser critical thinkers out of their money or attempt to convince people not to vaccinate their children.

Netflix should be ashamed for airing this drivel.

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019)

Not sure why anyone pays attention to Kevin Smith.

[1/10 · 16 January 2020]

He's never been funny, he's never been witty, he's never made an interesting movie, he never says anything of value and he really just gives me super ooky vibes.

Something isn't right with Kevin Smith, something about him has always gave me an uneasy feeling. After seeing this drivel maybe it's just his lack of any form of talent or creativity.

Need a prime example on why remakes, reboots, "re-imaginings" and re-re-re's need to bloody friggin' stop? Watch this 'paint by numbers' "movie" and you'll never have to ask that question again.

Terrible script, awful transitions from scene to scene, abhorrant "acting" from everyone besides a four year old, no jokes that landed unless you watched his other awful movies 20 years ago for a handful of "hehs". Can we all agree to stop feeding this man's over inflated ego now? He lucked out on ONE movie 20 years ago, that does not make one a "god tier" director.

Kevin Smith should've stopped making movies in the 90s, they weren't good then and they certainly haven't gotten any better in the last 20 years.

Everyone quick! Pray to the universe that because this "reboot" sucked so hard it'll take all the suckage from Bill and Ted 2020 and THAT will at least be awesome, because I would rather live in a world that Keanu Reeves is amazing while Kevin Smith remains a talentless hack that SOMEHOW goes famous on a really terrible handicam "movie" made with his friends in the 90s.

It Chapter Two (2019)

Full spoilers ahead to save you the headache.

[3/10 · 10 September 2019]

The three stars are for Bill, the creature design and the CGI budget.

So much time is wasted. 20 minutes of nothing but swearing or wooden acting followed by a one or two minute CGI scene that ends in a jumpscare. It's a rinse and repeat formula for the entire movie. The preformances from most of the "adult" version actors feels very phoned in. Bill Hader was a terrible choice as was Jessica and the guy that played adult Ben. Wooden and stiff throughout.

Thankfully Bill Skarsgård's odd yet terrfying portrayal of Pennywise carried the entire movie, the downside is they've piled so much CGI on top of him it really takes away from the dominant portrayal he had in the first film.

Whoever designed the forms Pennwise takes (aside from the ho-hum zombies) needs a serious raise because this film truly has some really effective monsters in comparison to the first. It's just an absolute shame all the "scary" parts are overloaded with CGI, while I understand practical effects can't be used everywhere something more grounded in reality is much more terrifying than the 90,000th movie with 90% computer generated things. Considering all the actors were more than likely forced to act vs a green screen rather than Bill's Pennywise it may explain why the majority of the actors seem to be bored and just reading lines.

I also wouldn't consider this a horror movie after sitting through the poorly paced nearly three hours. Long movies don't bother me but them being long AND boring for vast amounts of screen time do. So much comedy has been forced into every other horror scene it's like someone watched a Marvel movie right after watching IT and said "yeah lets do more of that". It was a bad call and the movie really suffers from it. There are a few really great scenes such as the old woman's house, and the two with the young children in the first half, funny how with the kids both scenes are mostly actually Bill as Pennywise rather than 90% CGI with Bill's face stuck on it. The same cannot be said for the actual jumpscares.

I know in the original tv miniseries the giant clay-mation spider at the end got a lot of flack, well this version suffers the same fate except instead of clay-mation it's some hastily done you guessed it CGI. The ending is really so farcical that the threater errupted in laughter at Pennywise being "bullied to death". I am 100% ALL for an anti-bullying message but this is supposed to be a horror movie for adults not Naruto where love and friendship wins the day. You will be rolling your eyes during the last act and the superly hard forced "sad moment" feels very cheap because of it.

Very disappointing after having the expectations after the first movie set so high, save your money and stream it.

PS: Stan Lee is the epitomy of the creator making a cameo appearance in movies, it seems now that the man has passed on others want to get in on it. Next time Steve, leave the acting to the actors and just say no. Such an unnessesary cameo.

Killer Legends (2014)

A boring trite exercise in mediocrity.

[1/10 · 9 September 2019]

One of the most pretentious documentaries I've ever watched. Anyone that rated this over a three is either part of the cast or a family member cause no non-involved person could enjoy it that much.

Everything seems so inauthentic, conversations are staged, inverviews are staged with the couple planting fake "OH REALLY" looks the entire time even though they knew all of the "information" before the cameras turned on.

The Cruella de Vil girlfriend walking around in the middle of the night in heels pointing at trees for frig's sake. "oh honey look there is the house that babysitter died in, I don't feel right about you telling the 90 year old woman inside a 15 year old girl was murdered in her house, but lets grab the camera's anyways and go tell her, I just wanted to have said that on camera so I don't look so awful".

-Proceeds to tell a 90 year old women a teenage girl died in her house for no reason other than to put something in the documentary besides aimless D grade campfire horror story narration. Absolutely cringe inducing.

Speaking of narration there are true crime channels on YouTube run by children that do a better job reading a hacky script. So many useless conversations with this couple during the first hour that serve no purpose other than their own conjecture. It's boring, trite and fake. Between their "totally spontaneous not-scripted 100% authetic conversations", the cheap ineffective narration and copy pasting "creepy music" over everything makes it such a chore to slog through.

You're going to get four things out of this "documentary"... No information, terrible narration, creepy background music added to literally every scene that isn't an interview and two dimwits that enjoy ruining the houses total random strangers live in for their little homemade movie, that's it.

I shut it off after an hour because I could not take anymore of that couple.