santegeezhe Reviews

End of the Century: The Story of the Ramones (2003)

Excellent, compelling though sad documentary (with great music!)

[9/10 · 22 February 2008]

As far as band documentaries go, this is one of the best I've ever seen, and I've watched quite a few. What we have here is an intimate portrait of the Ramones, warts-and-all. In my opinion the film's greatest strength is that we get to hear the story in the band's own words, as most of the film consists of interview footage with the various members of the Ramones, as well as various musical peers, managers, producers and other folks in the Ramones immediate orbit. There's also a goodly amount of live footage which spans their entire career. For any Ramones fan, this film is a must.

Sadly, it turns out that the Ramones story is most assuredly a tragedy rather than a comedy. Despite the humor inherent in much of their work, it becomes pretty clear that there's little humor to be found in any of their lives or personalities, with the possible exception of Joey and Marky. Dee Dee comes across as earnest and fairly pleasant, though thoroughly burned out and damaged, while Johnny proves to be an incredibly unpleasant, petty, vengeful and bitter fella. One gets the feeling that he has all the capacity for self-reflection of the average rock. In fact, I found myself cringing at some of the things coming out of his mouth.

In essence, this was a band built on personality conflicts, and in viewing this film one is left with the impression that they didn't have nearly as much fun being the Ramones as we did watching and listening to them. Moreover, their career proves to be a tragic litany of disappointments and failed attempts. Despite their rabid fan base and multi-generational, all pervasive influence, they never quite broke through to the big time or made any real money despite two decades of trying. Radio wouldn't play them and MTV wouldn't touch them, but despite this they were always able to fall back on their fierce live show. Sadly, after returning from playing 30,000 seat arenas in South America, they'd find themselves back in the States playing the same crappy clubs. It's enough to make a grown man cry.

All in all though, this is a well made and thoroughly compelling look at the Ramones, arguably the least successful yet most influential band of the modern age. Gabba Gabba Hey!!

Gone Baby Gone (2007)

Not really worth watching

[4/10 · 18 February 2008]

I found this film to not really be worth watching. It wasn't god awful, just slightly below mediocre.

First off, I should state that I don't really enjoy the thriller genre all that much, so there's a chance this film was simply lost on me. However, having said that, I still feel it's not a very good movie.

This film is rough going from the get-go. The plot and characterization are fairly clunky. It seemed to me like the first third of the movie consisted of Casey Affleck walking around Boston trying to prove how "down" he was with the primarily blue-collar denizens of Southie (or whatever the hell). This was pretty laughable to me. I just couldn't take this skinny dork seriously in the role of street-savvy tough guy. I also found it hard to believe that the real police would give this private eye the time of day, let alone cooperate with him fully and involve him in their investigation. It just didn't ring true somehow. Consequently I was never really able to suspend disbelief and actually get into this movie.

Fast forward to an hour or so later: I awaken on the couch glad that this movie is over and with no interest whatsoever in how it turned out. Better luck next time Affleck(s).

Gunner Palace (2004)

Mediocre documentary, a missed opportunity

[5/10 · 16 February 2008]

This documentary is fairly average as far as docs go, and to me seems like more of a missed opportunity. I suppose it's worth watching but just barely. It's really not worth recommending unless one is particularly fascinated by the Iraq conflict (or Gulf War 2.0 as I call it).

Basically what we have here is an embedded journalist following a certain battalion around as they go on patrols and whatnot, but mostly as they goof around and make asses of themselves during their down time. If this group is representative of the US armed forces then it doesn't bode well for anyone. On the whole, these folks are young, naive, not very well spoken, and fairly misguided. None of them seem to have much idea why they're in Iraq in the first place, and their reasons for joining the military seem simplistic at best, most of them seem to have enlisted for the "adventure". The knowledge that they're largely pawns in a high-stakes game of geo-political chess seems lost on them.

Honestly, this film is rather poorly structured and edited and just barely hangs together. Whatever point the director was trying to get across is pretty vague. A great opportunity to show the horrors of war up close is lost due to the sanitized version of conflict seen herein; no blood, no gore, no death - the very stuff of war. Instead, the alarming naivety of the average US grunt is what came across to me.

The only element of the film that really made me think was the musical soundtrack which consists largely of US soldiers telling their tale through rap. It made me realize that this is the modern "folk" music, if you will; the sound of the streets which anyone with even a modicum of rhyming and linguistic ability can take part in - truly the sound of the people. One line that stayed with me (and I paraphrase): "you don't have to agree with what we do, but please respect it". Sadly, this is easier said than done due to the soldiers own rather murky explanations of what they're doing there in the first place. All I really saw was a lot of wasted potential.

Go Further (2003)

Entertaining, although unfocused documentary

[6/10 · 9 February 2008]

This isn't a bad film by any means, in fact, it's a pretty entertaining little flick. Unfortunately, it's unlikely to win over any converts to the environmental cause due to its somewhat goofy tone and unfocused, scattered narrative. Consequently, it's never quite able to really drive its point home, whatever that point may be beyond "go green". Basically, it's preaching to the converted.

On the positive side, this film makes for pretty entertaining viewing for the most part. I particularly enjoyed the musical interludes with various artists such as Bob Weir, String Cheese Incident etc. It was also a treat to see Ken Kesey in his natural habitat. I appreciated the passion and dedication of the participants to their cause, and their road trip made for pretty fun viewing for the most part.

On the negative side, I couldn't stand the annoying, goofy Steve guy, he was a pure-bred idiot. Watching his foolish antics was embarrassing, and I'm not sure why this nut with a severe charisma deficit was given so much screen time. In any event, if you can put up with his antics then you'll be able to sit through this movie with a minimum of annoyance.

The Astronaut Farmer (2006)

Implausible and dumb - I want my 90 minutes back...

[2/10 · 8 February 2008]

This movie is implausible and dumb, not to mention cheesy, corny, poorly written and basically stupid. I haven't seen a movie this ridiculous in quite some time.

I suppose I was expecting some sort of interesting science-fiction flick with a touch of feel-good nonsense, but what I got was no science, complete fiction, and a truckload of feel-good nonsense.

Really, there's so little about this movie that makes sense that's it's hardly worth talking about. First off, protagonist Billy Bob is a selfish, space-obsessed whack-job who nearly bankrupts his family in pursuit of his dreams of space flight. What the film never explains is how he plans to turn things around - even if his flight succeeds, where's the money going to come from to save the farm?? Another thing - there's a scene where the wife bids Billy Bob goodbye and closes the hatch to the capsule. The hatch looks like it's made out of aluminum and it's not exactly what you'd call a tight seal. Basically, buddy bob would have been incinerated. I could go on, but I'm sure you understand how ridiculously implausible this whole fiasco is.

The only people who would get any enjoyment out of this are children under 10, and even that seems doubtful.

Avoid, avoid, avoid. You've been warned.

Clue (1985)

Silly, boring, corny movie

[2/10 · 28 January 2008]

I recently watched this movie with my wife who loved it as a kid. In fact, I remember watching this movie as a child and enjoying it quite a bit as well. Unfortunately I can't say the same now. This is a silly, boring and corny movie.

The main problems are a boring plot, lame acting, and corny humor. Most of the jokes are groaners of the eye-rolling variety, there's definitely nothing actually funny occurring. As for the plot, it's uninteresting and ultimately pointless. The acting is lame across the board, and does nothing to draw the viewer into the lame-ass story. Basically, this is an hour and a half of my life that I'd like back.

In any event, the most enjoyable part of this movie was watching Yvette's (Colleen Camp) bountiful cleavage jiggle for 90 minutes.

You're better off avoiding this mess.

Barry Lyndon (1975)

Visually stunning, surprisingly watchable film

[6/10 · 25 January 2008]

I honestly wasn't expecting much from this film based on previous reviews, but I was pleasantly surprised. It proved to be a sumptuous, visually stunning period piece which is surprisingly watchable despite the three-hour length.

The good news is that the film is a gorgeous spectacle to behold, with nearly every shot being a visual delight. Apparently most of the film was shot using natural light due to the use of NASA designed cameras with extremely fast shutter speed, yadda yadda, but you know all that already. Also on the plus side, while the story tends to meander a bit there's still enough going on that I never quite lost interest. I wish I could say the same for every three-hour epic I've sat through...

Now the bad news...While watching this film I got the distinct impression that Kubrick concentrated almost solely on the visuals to the exclusion of almost everything else. Thus, the plot meanders, the characterization is poor or nearly non-existent in some cases, and the musical score is extremely repetitive and boring.

However, there's still enough beauty in this film for me to give it a positive review and recommend it to other Kubrick fans or period-piece aficionados.

There Will Be Blood (2007)

There will be snores

[5/10 · 7 January 2008]

While not truly terrible, this is still an extremely over-rated movie. It's more of a boring, meandering mess than a cinematic classic. I was fighting sleep at points. There's no way this movie will stand the test of time. I know I couldn't sit through it again.

First, the good news. As always, Daniel Day Lewis turns in a wonderful performance as Daniel Plainfield, a prospector and oil speculator who slowly succumbs to the effects of greed and madness. Also, the cinematography is excellent as is the score by Johnny Greenfield of Radiohead. Actually, the score was the most remarkable thing about the movie for me. It was like no other soundtrack I've heard, and was at times spooky, frenetic, moody and moving. Well done.

Now the bad news. Despite the director's best efforts, the movie is pretty boring and pointless, mainly due to the weak script. There's really not much of a story here beyond "look what greed can do", and the characters don't draw one in enough to care what's going to happen. Consequently, by the half-hour mark I found myself wondering if a plot was going to present itself. Two hours later I was just praying for it to end. Eventually it does, but the conclusion seems contrived and forced.

To sum up, it's okay, but only okay.

The Rolling Stones Rock and Roll Circus (1996)

A couple of great performances, a few mediocre ones...

[6/10 · 7 January 2008]

Although I'd seen parts of this film before, I'd never seen "RnRC" in its entirety until the other day. I found it to be an enjoyable film, although I can understand why the Stones decided not to release it back in the day - it's good but not great, and the Stones' performance leaves a lot to be desired in the excitement department.

As the title informs us, this is indeed a "rock and roll circus", featuring several different bands jamming under the big top, and a variety of circus performers doing their thing in between the bands. Honestly, it sounds like an interesting concept but in reality it's more of a stupid gimmick. The best thing about this film are the performances, but sadly only some of them are fully up-to-snuff.

Jethro Tull pull off a fairly decent, mostly-mimed performance - apparently only the vocals/flute were performed live. It's a pretty good performance though nothing more.

The Who turn in a thrilling performance of "A Quick One" which is easily the musical highlight of the film. According to rumor, the Who's superior performance is the main reason the film wasn't released at the time. It's easy to see why - the Who were tight from being constantly on the road, whereas the Stones hadn't toured in over a year.

Taj Mahal's performance is decent blues rock/soul, but nothing to get too excited about. His performance is mainly notable for featuring a young Jesse Ed Davis on guitar.

Marianne Faithful sings a nice song which is ruined by her wretched vocals. She looks pretty cute though. I guess it pays to be Mick's girlfriend, because her musical ability is negligible.

Next up is the Dirty Mac, a "supergroup" featuring John Lennon, Eric Clapton, Mitch Mitchell and Keith Richards on bass. One would think this would be a good combination but one would be wrong. Richards sounds like what he is - a guitar player playing bass, and Lennon's guitar is not even close to being in tune with Clapton (or anyone else for that matter). Despite this they manage to turn in a fairly decent reading of "Yer Blues" which makes me wonder how history would be different if the Beatles actually played live after '66...They also play another song with Yoko on vocals which really isn't worth mentioning. What's with Lennon and Jagger and their tuneless, talentless girlfriends? Interspersed between a couple of the numbers is some footage of Jagger and Lennon goofing around which is probably the most revealing and interesting part of this whole spectacle...

Closing out the show are the Stones, who manage to turn in a fairly lacklustre performance. After the likes of the Who in particular, the Stones somehow sound very spare and empty, not to mention kind of boring. It's not a terrible performance by any means, just a so-so one which is easily overshadowed by the other acts on the bill. It is nice to hear the material from "Beggar's Banquet" played live though. The highlight for me is the mostly-mimed performance of "Salt of the Earth", which has always been one of my favourites.

The Godfather Part III (1990)

There was no reason to make this movie

[3/10 · 21 November 2007]

There was really no reason to make this movie. The Godfather parts I and II are classic films which hold up amazingly well to this very day, and are both excellent movies which are well executed and fun to watch. This movie is not.

The fact that it was made so long after the other two makes it seem like a cynical cash grab. The fact that it's also pretty boring and pointless also makes it seem like a cynical cash grab. In essence, this movie does a huge disservice to the first two by concluding the trilogy on such a lame note. In my opinion, the ending of part II was a fitting end to the saga and should have remained so.

The movie seems awfully contrived. The George Hamilton and Andy Garcia characters are probably the worst of the bunch. In fact, the Andy Garcia character alone ruins this movie for me. There's also the convoluted and ultimately pointless Vatican subplot...Suffice it to say that there are a lot of both stupid and pointless things about this movie.

The only moment in the film which has any dramatic weight at all is the confession scene between Michael Corleone and Cardinal Lamberto.

Basically, I like to pretend that this movie doesn't exist. I've watched it once and I can guarantee I won't be watching it again.

Bob Saget: That Ain't Right (2007 TV Special)

Don't waste your time, this is garbage

[1/10 · 13 November 2007]

Wow, "That Ain't Right" is very, very bad - dismal even. How badly can a comedy special fail? Well, when it contains absolutely no laughs whatsoever, I'd say it qualifies as a miserable failure.

What we have herein is Bob Saget attempting to prove that he's an edgy, hip, and all-around cool dude, rather than the family-friendly, emasculated moron persona he inhabited for such glorious stints as the father on "Full House" and host of "America's Funniest Home Videos". To this end, his strategy consists of saying as many "dirty" and "shocking" things as he can for approximately sixty minutes (notice I didn't say "funny"?). It's actually kind of sad to watch him struggle through it.

There's even a bit at the end where he whips out a guitar and tries his hand at singing some dirty, ostensibly funny songs. The trouble is that they're completely stupid (something about his dog licking his balls) and he can neither sing nor play the guitar. I really have no idea why he would even attempt this since there are so many people who do it better. He must have been desperate to fill the alloted sixty minutes.

If you watch this mess you will regret it. You've been warned.

Soul to Soul (1971)

Fantastic!

[9/10 · 1 November 2007]

If you're a soul music fan or have any interest in black history and culture, this film is a must-see.

Filmed in 1971 at the "Soul to Soul" festival in Ghana, West Africa, this is a fine film in the tradition of music documentaries such as "Monterrey Pop" and "Woodstock". Not only does it feature incendiary performances by the likes of Ike & Tina Turner, Wilson Pickett, Santana, The Staples Singers, The Voices of East Harlem, and Les McCann & Eddie Harris, but it also features wonderful performances by many African artists. Additionally, it features wonderful documentary footage of the American artists interacting with their Ghanaian hosts and fans, as well as footage of everyday life in Ghana. It makes for fascinating viewing.

I would give this film a full 10 stars except for the somewhat shoddy editing of this re-release. The footage has been lovingly restored and looks and sounds great, but it has a slapped together feel due to the awkward transitions between scenes. I'd be curious to contrast the original print with this edition since I suspect that many changes have been made (the exclusion of Roberta Flack's segments being one obvious example).

In any event, this is still an excellent and thoroughly enjoyable film which will delight any soul music fan. Enjoy!

Accepted (2006)

Not the worst movie ever, but pretty stupid

[3/10 · 1 November 2007]

Let me start by saying that there's really no reason to watch this movie. I only sat through it because I was trying to kill some time before going to work.

Basically, it's your typical sophomoric "comedy" aimed at the teenage set. There's nothing remarkable about it other than the complete ridiculousness of the story, not to mention that there are plot holes big enough to sail a Carnival cruise-liner through. Obviously this isn't supposed to be a realistic movie, it's supposed to be funny. Sadly, it mostly fails on that count as well. I must admit that I laughed a few times, but mainly in a "holy sh*t, I can't believe how stupid this is" kind of way.

If you never see this movie you're not missing a thing.

Rock the Bells (2006)

An engaging and entertaining documentary

[7/10 · 29 October 2007]

Rock the Bells is an engaging and entertaining look behind the scenes at the Wu-Tang Clan's final performance with all the original members, including most infamously, Old Dirty Bastard. The film focuses mainly on the events leading up to the actual concert - the organization (or lack thereof), the backstage shenanigans, the chaos, etc. I was actually amazed by how chaotic the entire affair turned out to be, not to mention the complete ineptness of the promoter/organizer. Evidently it's something of a miracle that the concert occurred at all, or at least that no one was seriously injured, killed or otherwise bodily harmed. Between the equipment failures, security snafus, and understaffed/oversold conditions of the concert, this film makes for some serious edge-of-you-seat action.

As for the music itself, the entire raison d'etre of this fiasco, it turns out to be largely disappointing. The highlight is most certainly rapper Supernatural's performance, wherein he proves that he can freestyle about anything; in this case, random items handed to him from the crowd. There's also some touching performance footage of him and his young son.

As for the Wu-Tang Clan, sadly there's no performance footage to be seen, other than a brief clip at the end with voice-over narration. A tad disappointing to a Wu-Tang fan, but luckily the rest of the film makes up for the disappointing conclusion. All in all, 7 out of 10.

Cleaner (2007)

Stylishly shot, though pedestrian "thriller"

[6/10 · 12 September 2007]

Honestly, I'd give this film a 5.5, but that's not an option...

I just saw this film last night at the Toronto International Film Festival. It's a decent movie in the whodunnit/cop genre, but really not much more. It's mainly saved from complete mediocrity by the stylish filming, with some interesting and beautiful shots on offer.

Samuel L. Jackson plays the title "Cleaner" - a retired cop who now runs a cleaning service whose clients are almost exclusively crime scenes. Every time someone gets their head blown off, he's there to mop up the mess once the cops have done their bit. He unwitingly uncovers a murder and subsequent cover-up and gets deeply involved in trying to find out whodunnit, while uncovering a trail of vast police corruption along the way.

This movie was unable to really draw me in, mostly due to the uninteresting characters and seen-it-all-before storyline. By the halfway point you'll have figured out whodunnit. I also found the soundtrack rather distracting. It seemed to consist mostly of swelling orchestral music at odd and inappropriate times. I dunno, it could have just been me.

On the plus side, it is a slickly and stylishly shot film, nice to look at for the most part, many beautiful yet stark urban locations. Speaking of beautiful, Eva Mendes does a fine job of looking fine throughout this flick, though her character doesn't give her much to work with.

In short, this is a slightly above average whodunnit/cop flick. If that's what you're into, you'll like it.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

If this movie passes for a comedy then we're all in serious trouble...

[3/10 · 9 January 2007]

If you would have asked me last week, I would have told you that Adam Sandler's "Click" was the worst movie I'd ever seen. Well, I'm now ready to admit that "Click" isn't the worst movie I've ever seen - "Talladega Nights" is.

OK, I've probably seen worse movies, but I can't remember when I've seen a dumber one - or one that was so completely unfunny. Calling this a comedy is an insult to humour itself. There's nothing funny, charming, or clever about this movie, it's just stupid.

The only thing that even somewhat redeems this movie is Sacha Baron Cohen's performance. But even he can't save this stinking mess, not to mention the fact that he's tragically under-used - his total screen time is maybe 15 minutes.

The biggest problem with this movie is that there's no plot. It almost feels like a music video. It's just a bunch of quick cuts thrown together which don't add up to a meaningful whole.

People whose opinions I respect told me that this was a funny movie, despite how stupid it may seem. Well, I simply don't respect those people's opinions anymore. I'm dumber for having watched this crap.

Lady in the Water (2006)

Some suspension of disbelief required...

[7/10 · 24 December 2006]

I've read some of the other reviews of this movie and it seems like a lot of folks thought it was wretched. This surprises me to some extent. I mean, it's not an excellent movie by any means, but I found it pretty entertaining in a "fairy tale" sort of way, although some suspension of disbelief is required. But doesn't that go for all fairy tales? It's true there are plot holes big enough to drive a truck though in this movie. The most glaring example is the fact that nobody asks any questions about what's going on, they just join right in without hesitation. Personally, if some dude showed up at my door ranting about some sea nymph from another dimension who needed saving, I'd just assume he was insane and politely close the door. Not so in this flick.

Having said that however, I still found this to be an entertaining movie in a fantastical, fairy tale sort of way. I think it was clear from the outset that this is what Shaymalan was going for. This movie is in no way supposed to be realistic. Rather, it's a magical, fantastical story, and in a way this gives Shaymalan a liscense to get away with things that he couldn't in a "normal" movie. Thus, I thought it worked whereas others apparently didn't.

This definitely isn't Shaymalan's best work, but I found it to be an entertaining movie that I was able to lose myself in for a couple of hours. In all honesty there wasn't much point to it, but in terms of escapism, it worked for me. And isn't that what movies are all about?

Russkies (1987)

Glasnost-era, feel-good tripe

[5/10 · 23 December 2006]

I was just telling someone about this movie last week, then lo and behold, it was on Drive-in Classics yesterday. Well, naturally I had to watch it. These are my observations.

First off, this movie is interesting mainly from a political standpoint. It was made at a time when the Cold War was just starting to thaw thanks to Gorby's twin policies of Glasnost and Perestroika. Thus, the theme of this movie is "Russians are people too, and we can all learn to love each other despite our differing political viewpoints". Cheesy? You betcha.

The plot concerns a Russian sailor who gets stranded in Florida and is discovered by three pubescent boys. Things get complicated as these are army brats - two of their fathers are right-wing, anti-commie reactionaries who fought in 'Nam, and one of the kids' fathers was a conscientious objector. Thus, there's a struggle as to whether they should turn the Commie in to the authorities or not. Eventually though, they come to love him, and teach him about all things American. Conviniently enough, he gets stranded right before July 4th - which somehow he's completely unaware of. "Revolution?", he says, when told about the American version. As if...

In any event, this movie is 80s through and through, right down to the vile, wretched soundtrack. It's interesting mainly as an historical curiosity, a period piece.

It's also interesting to note that the Soviet Union collapsed within five years after this movie was made. Perhaps it's time for a remake with either an Iranian or a North Korean in the lead role.

Nacho Libre (2006)

A few scattered laughs, but mostly forgettable

[4/10 · 23 December 2006]

This is one of those movies where I could sort of see where the writers/director were headed, but they didn't quite get there. It's not truly wretched, but then again, there's no real reason to recommend it either. I suppose if you're a huge Jack Black fan it would be worth watching, but that's about the only reason.

I actually wasn't aware that this is the same director who did "Napoleon Dynamite", but it all makes sense now. This movie is "airy" in the same way that film is - it's visually driven rather than dialog driven, and the barely-existent plot moves along at a snail's pace. There's just not a whole hell of a lot to keep one's interest. Consequently, I must have day dreamed through at least a third of it.

For once, Jack Black's idiosyncratic comedic stylings can't rescue this flick. He does his usual bit - making up stupid songs, bumbling about, reveling in his fatness, etc, but none of it is able to produce more than a few scattered laughs. In fact, this could well be a career-ender for him.

I should also mention that there is a goodly amount of wrestling in this movie, so if you're a wrestling fan you may get something more out of it than I did. I hate wrestling.

To sum up, there's no real reason to watch this unless you really love Jack Black or wrestling.

The Beach Boys: An American Family (2000)

Mike's Love's foul stench is all over this turkey...

[4/10 · 23 November 2006]

While not truly terrible, this movie is still largely a waste of time, and paints an incredibly inaccurate and revisionist picture of Beach Boys history.

Basically, this movie would have you believe that Mike Love was the brains behind the band and Brian Wilson was just a pathetic psycho. In fact, none of the characters is developed beyond a one-dimensional parody, but this is a TV movie so what do you expect? Mike Love's foul stench is all over this turkey as he attempts to re-write history with himself in the role of band figurehead and resident genius. Yeah, as if...

On the plus side, the music is excellent. Unlike the previous Beach Boys made-for-TV bio-pic "Summer Dreams", this movie actually features real Beach Boys music, rather than anemic cover versions...Also, it features a surprising number of Beach Boys-related rarities and seldom-heard tracks - The Sunrays "I Live for the Sun" being but one example.

This movie was originally shown in two parts on American network TV. Part one is the superior of the two and documents the Boys early days and rise to the top. By the time part two rolls around, the Brian Wilson character has become a mere cartoon and the actor seems to be playing for laughs - but how could anyone take this crap seriously? If you're not a Beach Boys fan you probably won't get much out of this movie except an extremely warped and one-sided view of the band's history. But then again, why would you watch this if you weren't a fan?

200 Motels (1971)

Nearly unwatchable psychedelic mess

[3/10 · 16 November 2006]

While not truly horrible, this movie is still a nearly unwatchable mess which is only barely saved by Zappa's music.

This movie could only have been made in the post-psychedelic, highly experimental climate of the early 70s. It feels like a first year film school project gone horribly wrong. Every "trippy" video and editing trick is employed. It's truly an "everything but the kitchen sink" approach to film making, however, it only serves to compound the fact that there's no substance to this mess. There's no plot to speak of, rather it's more of a series of skits. The trouble is, for the most part they're unfunny and only barely entertaining. Even cameos by such luminaries as Ringo Starr and Keith Moon fail to deliver much beyond the cheap thrill of recognition.

As I mentioned, this movie is only barely saved by the musical performances. That's because some of them are horrible, some are just OK, and only a select few are actually really good. This is the kind of movie you need to see on DVD so you can skip straight to the performances, because there's really no other reason to watch this movie.

I guarantee you won't be able to get through this movie in one sitting. It's basically garbage, and is interesting mainly as a historical curiosity.

16 Blocks (2006)

Complete Garbage

[1/10 · 14 November 2006]

This movie is terribly, wretchedly, god-awfully horrible. In fact, I can't recall the last time I saw a movie that was so bad. Please, for the love of god, don't watch this movie! The worst part is that I had a vested interest in liking this movie. Let me explain. The bulk of this stinker was filmed in Toronto, and some of it was even filmed in my apartment building. The scene where Mos and Bruce get chased into the Chinese dude's apartment, and the elevator scene - those were filmed in my building.

It was definitely interesting to see how Hollywood works "up close" (example: painting over our ancient stairwell, only to re-paint it with fake "handprints" and grime - like the original wasn't grimy enough). I even got to briefly meet Bruce Willis, which was a cheap thrill, although there was no eye contact - his gaze was downcast the entire time. I guess he was getting into character... I also found it interesting that a 10 minute sequence in a movie would inconvenience our entire building for several weeks - no elevator, cables and equipment strewn everywhere, etc.

In any event, I was pretty pumped about getting to see my humble abode on the big screen. Unfortunately, that's the only enjoyment I got out of this terrible, terrible movie. It almost doesn't bear discussing, it's simply that bad.

The plot is clichéd as all-friggin-hell. Everything reeks of paint-by-numbers script-writing and characterization. Trust me, this is nothing you haven't seen fifty million times before. There's absolutely no suspense, drama, or interest. I just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. And Mos Def is simply maddeningly annoying and deserves to have his Screen Actor's Guild membership revoked.

This movie is beyond bad. In fact, it surpasses bad and achieves the status of disturbingly bad. What can you say about an "action" movie where the most exciting scene consists of a bus speeding down an alley destroying air conditioning units? Avoid this tripe at all costs.

Two-Lane Blacktop (1971)

Wanted to like it....Tried, but failed

[3/10 · 10 November 2006]

Let me start by saying that I'm a huge Beach Boys fan, so I simply had to see Dennis Wilson in his only dramatic role. That, and this film's cult status were enough to get me pretty excited about seeing it for myself. Unfortunately, there's little or no substance to this film, and its mostly a waste of time.

I suppose it could be compared to Easy Rider, but its only a superficial comparison. Both are road movies that reek of 60s excess, but for a number of reasons, Easy Rider succeeds where Two Lane Blacktop fails.

Firstly, this movie is roughly 90 minutes long. However, there's only about 15 minutes of dialog at most. That means that for most of the film absolutely nothing is happening. Sure, people sit in diners, stand around, fix or drive cars, but that's about it. And unfortunately, the novice acting skills of James Taylor and Dennis Wilson aren't enough to make up for this lack of anything occurring. I can't recall when I've seen a movie more badly in need of a plot.

On the positive side however, there are some lovely visuals in this movie. In fact, if it were simply an American travelogue I'd probably enjoy it a lot more. But as it stands, this movie is pretty much a non-event.

The ending is particularly weak. The first time I saw this movie was at an "art house" kind of theater, and I literally thought the projector had broken, so abrupt was the ending. It wasn't until I saw the credits rolling that I realized, "oh, that's it?".

To sum up, I wanted to like this movie. I tried, but failed.

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978 TV Movie)

Unwatchable - yes, it's that bad

[1/10 · 10 November 2006]

I've seen a lot of bad movies in my day, but I swear to god this is the worst thing I've ever had to sit through. In truth, I couldn't even watch the whole thing and shut if off around the one hour and ten minute mark. It's quite literally unwatchable.

My only consolation is that I didn't have to pay a dime for this crap, as I managed to find a streaming version on some dude's website. The quality was pretty terrible, but so is this entire friggin movie, so what's the difference? This movie's main sin is that it's excruciatingly boring. It's like a string of boring, pointless vignettes strung together with even more boring and pointless filler. Hell, there's one ten-minute-or-so stretch where it's just Wookies barking at each other with no subtitles! It would almost be laughable if it wasn't so depressingly bad.

It's really not even worth wasting bandwidth and cyberspace describing it. It's utter and complete crap.

As a Star Wars fan, and as something of a completist, I felt I had to see this chapter of the Star Wars saga. Well, I'm sorry I did. It just made me angry, sad, and bored. Avoid at all costs.

Wattstax (1973)

Better than Woodstock!!

[10/10 · 7 November 2006]

What a pleasant surprise this movie was! I remember hearing about it on NPR a couple of years ago when the DVD first came out, and prior to that I had never even heard of "Wattstax", either the concert or the movie. Boy, was I missing out! Fast forward to 2006. I rented this puppy at my local video store and had the pleasure of watching one of the most entertaining movies I've seen in years.

The closest comparison I can make is to the Woodstock movie, as Wattstax is also a concert movie in a similar vein. It's very of its time (1972), but somehow doesn't feel as dated as the Woodstock movie. It's both a concert film, an exploration of Watts itself, and a document of the black culture of the time - the purpose of the concert being to celebrate both black culture and pride, as well as the seventh anniversary of the Watts riots.

It features lots of footage other than performances - crowd shots, interviews with the man on the street, a gospel performance at a local church, some B-list celebrities, etc, all of which help add to the atmosphere of both the concert and of Watts itself. There's even some very funny and casual footage of Richard Pryor in his prime, as he raps about all sorts of topics in a local bar.

Now on to the music...This movie contains some of the greatest soul, blues, R&B, and funk performances that you'll ever see. Every performance is great in its own right. The Staples Singers find a relentless groove and keep on rocking...Carla Thomas proves that she has one of the most powerful, pure voices in the business...The Bar-Kays dazzle with both their outlandish attire and their funky grooves...Albert King brings a touch of the blues with his inimitable guitar style....the list goes on and on.

For me however, the absolute highlight of the show is Rufus Thomas's performance. Sad to say, but I had only a passing acquaintance with Mr. Thomas' work prior to seeing this movie, but "Wattstax" changed everything. Resplendant in white go-go boots and hot pink shorts, shirt, and cape, Rufus proceeds to tear the roof off the joint with a relentlessly funky and hilarious performance. The crowd clearly eats it up, and there's a great montage of various audience members boogeying their hearts out, and asses off. I don't know if I've ever seen a performer with as much presence and charisma as Rufus Thomas, he's a rare bird indeed.

So, long story short, if you haven't already seen this movie you're wasting your time. Go out and watch it right now!!!