for you philistines who have never seen a pre-1980 movie, the definitive list of the actual funniest actors in film history

If you have any even slight issue with this, you have not seen The Pink Panther Strikes Again, Dr. Strangelove, and Being There, or you have undiagnosed developmental issues. Watch these films, and tell me anyone could do what he does. An infinite variety of characters, each totally different, and totally committed. Can do the wackiest slapstick and the most serious and subtle of satire. Bow before him.

Yes, his brother Groucho had the best verbal delivery of all time, and the best lines. He was also no slouch in the physical category (see Spaulding, Captain: Hurray for). Still, Harpo stole every scene they were in together without a word.

Although he was brilliant in a dozen films, Young Frankenstein is the high watermark. Watch his repressed freakouts when he puts a scalpel in his own leg, or when his lover starts to blab to his fiancee. Then, watch him as the epitome of exaggerated cool in Blazing Saddles. Then watch him totally lose his crap in The Producers. All this range, and soul to boot.

The classic is, of course, the cute little dance of the potatoes (or was it dinner rolls?) in The Gold Rush. Possibly the most adorable, charming minute in film history. But watch him flip out on cocaine in Modern Times, then watch his beautiful megalomaniac ballet-with-globe in The Great Dictator. Then be crushed by the awe. Do not forget to laugh.

Saw him on the stupid and far too self-congratulatory Comedy Network Awards (or whatever that was called) recently, receiving the living legend award, and realized that, yes, this is truly the guy who can do it all. No one else ever so fully conquered the worlds of sketch, standup and feature film comedy so completely as Eddie Murphy. The only other guy is maybe Steve Martin, but he has the edge as a writer, whereas Murphy clearly does as an actor (does Martin ever really do great character work?). Thus, as an all-around, he may even rate higher than number five. However, for his film work alone, the energy, world-beating confidence and crazy variety showcased in Beverly Hills Cop and The Nutty Professor alone, his supreme ass-kickingness lands him comfortably in the top five.

If Monty Python were one person, he just might make number two (no, even the whole of Python could not dethrone the almighty Sellers). However, if any one person comes close to being Monty Python, it is Cleese. With his film roles as the self-defense instructor, Sir Lancelot (funniest violence/most violent comedy ever), the Black Knight (uh, same), the Roman Centurion, the sex ed teacher and the maitre'd for Mr. Creosote, he was always at the vanguard of the troupe's efforts to simultaneously upset us and make us explode, either with laughter or too much food. Then A Fish Called Wanda cemented him as the Post-Python MVP as well. The court scene and the underwear dance in Russian are little slices of hilarious eternity.

See number two. Obviously not a ton of range, but nobody but nobody quips like this guy, and he is a genuinely hilarious physical comedian as well. Probably the only comedian ever famous for having a funny walk (perpetually, Cleese fans).

Only person in history with verbal delivery in the same ballpark as Groucho, but can't really dance or walk funny. Still, he can say just about anything and turn it into a punchline.

If you do not know who this is, you are vermin. Don't worry, you can enjoy remedying your verminhood by watching This Is Spinal Tap, one of the two or three funniest English language films of the last thirty years. I almost envy you. Then watch Waiting For Guffman, then Best of Show. Then realize that this guy could probably have made a hundred million more dollars than he did in the last forty years if he were a dick who cared more about money than about making truly brilliant and pure character-based comedy. He is better than all of us, and we owe him.

Yes, he can be totally over the top in a really dumb way, and he likes to make his butt talk. Also, if you watch, say the tranq dart scene or the rhino birth scene from Ace Ventura II: When Nature Calls, you will see a degree of total commitment, physical, emotional and otherwise that no one in all of comedy can equal, except Robin Williams, who squanders too much of his energy on mushy sentimentalism and saintliness. Then watch Man On the Moon to see just how mesmerizingly far from silly physical shtick he can get and still make you laugh.

Cohen is the young buck of the top twenty, and has miles to go before he has the kind of resume as any of these other guys. However, he not only has the greatest knack for playing a menagerie since Peter Sellers (Ali G, Borat, Jean Girard, King Julian XIII, Bruno), but he actually invented a new type of comedy. Granted, no movie he starred in has been as good as it should have been (too much nude wrestling), but if he ever pulls that off, he could be looking at the top five.

Steve Martin certainly is less consistent than he used to be, but who can make this many movies for over thirty years without some runs of crap? For evidence of his eternal greatness, see the courtroom scene in All of Me, wherein he plays a man possessed by a woman trying to act like a man. Or the birthday scene in Fatherhood. Or the dinner as Ruprecht in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Or all of The Jerk. Or even the infinitely entertaining “hamburger” scene in the vilified Pink Panther.

Probably the most “personality” oriented actor at the high end of the list, except maybe Bill Murray. Sure, if he bugs you, he’s just not funny. But to the rest of us, he practically invented “nervous” comedy. Whether trying to cover his nerves in his bachelor pad in Play It Again, Sam, or trying to cover his horniness flirting with the Countess in Love and Death, or both as the jester in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, his high-strung energy was always hilarious (and, even though Manhattan is great, I still miss it). What some forget, though, is his gift for slapstick. Check out the orb-hogging scene in Sleeper, or the assault on Don Francisco in Love and Death.

Come on. Argue with me. It's Bob-Friggin'-Hope.

For the four years from 2003 to 2006, he was the funniest man in the world. From the insane freakout in Bruce Almighty to the bitter, beautiful grace notes in Little Miss Sunshine (and I'll even throw in Over the Hedge), he could do no wrong. Then, as soon as he attained divinity, he started doing...I don't know what. Despicable Me was great, and Date Night was thoroughly unawful, but he's still got some work to do to make up for Evan Almighty. Still he's certainly got simply ridiculous talent, and with a few more good choices in the future, he could easily regain his title.

See below. I'd rather list them as one entry, since they are more of a unit than any other unit. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to do it.

The tops in classic clowning. The fights, the falls, the arguments, the dance moves. Sons of the Dessert is the masterpiece, but the dozens of shorts are really where it's at.

Another scattergun comedian. There may be lots of unintended collateral damage, but he does hit the target. You just can’t argue with Anchorman or Elf, and I would defend Semi Pro, Blades of Glory and certainly Talladega Nights pretty staunchly as well. And even something as wildly uneven as Step Brothers contains gems like the sleepwalking scene. A great improviser and team player who really seems to bring out the strengths in those around him, so he shines best in a strong cast.

Not as strong a film career as Cleese, otherwise pretty much same comment. He may have actually been funnier in A Fish Called Wanda.

No way am I saying men are funnier than women, but the movie industry just has never generated parts for the ladies. Kahn is as funny as anyone, but even in her showstopper as Lilly Von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles, she has less screentime than Mongo. Still, she probably fought her way to a better career full of genuinely funny film roles than any other woman, including the supremely brilliant Catherine O'Hara, Andrea Martin and Cloris Leachman. Hopefully Tina Fey and friends are putting an end to that nonsense as we speak.

Everybody knows School of Rock and Kung Fu Panda, and those are fine performances. Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny is also solid comedy, if a bit stupid. But to really see why he makes the top twenty (you know, counting Laurel and Hardy as one entry), see High Fidelity. It remains his finest performance to date, and the one that best showcases his unique gifts. And, uh...here goes. I think his performance in Nacho Libre is visionary. There. I said it.

A classic Hollywood ham, but gifted as hell. Check out The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Hans Christian Andersen, The Inspector General, and especially especially The Court Jester, one of the funniest and most entertaining films that most folks today have never heard of.

I confess, I am a bit undereducated on Mr. Keaton. I found The General pretty dull, although I am sure it was quite the spectacle a hundred years ago. On the other hand, Steamboat Bill Jr. is dazzling and pretty damn funny, and my friend Gary insists Our Hospitality and Sherlock Jr. are even funnier, and he is smart and stuff, so I'll go ahead and alow Keaton onto the list for his sake.

Another concession of sorts. He has never really made a ton of funny movies, mostly just the cartoons Aladdin and Robots (which is actually awesome; if you like family films and have not seen it, it is easily one of the ten best non-Disney related family films ever), and The Birdcage, in which he still played a cartoon, of sorts. He was "real world" funny in The World According to Garp, and many people not including myself thought Good Morning Vietnam was funny. But basically, I think that his comedic talents, like those of the other three dozen or so hilarious people not on this list, are better suited to TV and standup.

Sixty percent of the time, it works every time. Sleeaappin' da bass. Chillay...Willay...tha penguin. This guy is absolutely my pick for funniest man on the planet, still waiting for the right star vehicle. For a real glimpse of his tsunami of talent, check out I Could Never Be Your Woman. Yeah, it's basically a chick flick, but his scenes are dazzling, and you can skip to them if you need to.

The epitome of cool comedy. The Odd Couple is a timeless classic, as is The Bad News Bears. Hopscotch, on the other hand, is probably an underappreciated Matthau home run. Always fun when paired with the tightly wound Jack Lemmon, but Lemmon, a top notch foil, ain't really the funny one.

It is possible I am underrating him, due to the fact that he bugs me. Also, he does not seem to do much more than physical geek shtick. But he does do it pretty amazingly. I don't know the film, but I saw him do some bit as a boxer when I was younger and I have never forgotten it. Obviously he is hugely influential, and he may be Jim Carrey's biological father.

Has built an empire on the Woody Allen sensitive nervous guy thing. But, check out Dodgeball. That is a killer performance in entirely the other direction.

The king of the franchises. Austin Powers, Shrek and Wayne combined have probably taken in more money than God. Personally, I have always found Meyers kind of oddly robotic, but he is still damn funny. I'm actually a bit partial to So I Married an Axe Murderer.

More charming and less alarmingly brilliant than Cleese and Palin, he has done a ton of work ranging from the tip of the top (bravely bold Sir Robin) to awesome quirky support (Baron Munchausen) to standard Hollywood ha ha's (Nuns on the Run) to, uh, less than the tip of the top (Casper), but he is always fun and watchable.

The all-time champion dark horse supporter. From Splash to American Pie and blessedly all of Christopher Guest's ensemble improv-based comedies (especially A Mighty Wind) he is always perfect, and always hits awesome eccentric character notes that help the featured stars to shine.

Not the only one who died before he could really give his all to the cinema, but with Animal House, The Blues Brothers and Neighbors, he left just enough brilliance to squeak onto the list. Unlike, say Chris Farley, who may have actually been the funniest person in SNL history.

Obviously Caddyshack (let's just forget the sequel), and Fletch (let's just forget about the sequel), and however many Vacation films you prefer to remember. Also some nice little gems from the 70's (Foul Play, Seems Like Old Times). But how many of you remember him from The Groove Tube, which is like the Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sex Pistols of film comedy (and yeah, Kentucky Fried Movie is the London Calling)?

May have had higher highs and lower lows than anyone else on the list, but roles from Stripes to Planes, Trains and Automobiles (even though it tries a bit too hard to make you weep), or Splash (my personal favorite) show a powerhouse whose range and depth were only hinted at, and probably somewhat constrained by the choices offered to a man of such size.

My memories of him are vague, from fairly early childhood. He probably has not remained particularly timeless, unlike Chaplin or the Marx brothers. Still, he probably should be on here.

Again, really number 35. If I were counting standup concert films, he would be top five. But 1970's Hollywood had few valid ideas for how to fit this giant of comedy in front of the camera. Stir Crazy, Silver Streak and maybe a few others are enough to get him on the list, but most of the big roles he got, like The Toy and Superman III seemed to want to make him harmless, which, thankfully, he really was not.

You know, I do love this guy. Props to the javaid (I hope I got that right; I can't see the comment section right now) for supplying the only name I think this list did need to be truly complete. As to why, see the comments below.