Michael's Least Favorite Films of All-time
by michaelpburns | created - 03 Aug 2014 | updated - 03 Aug 2014 | PublicAs much as I've loved developing and refining my list of favorite films, putting together of the movies I despise the most is equally as fun.
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1. The Room (2003)
R | 99 min | Drama
In San Francisco, an amiable banker's seemingly perfect life is turned upside down when his deceitful fiancée embarks on an affair with his best friend.
Director: Tommy Wiseau | Stars: Tommy Wiseau, Juliette Danielle, Greg Sestero, Philip Haldiman
Votes: 95,044 | Gross: $0.22M
So bad that it's gone beyond labels like bad and good-- going to its own category of transcendent.
2. Troll 2 (1990)
PG-13 | 95 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror
A vacationing family discovers that the entire town they're visiting is inhabited by goblins, disguised as humans, who plan to eat them.
Director: Claudio Fragasso | Stars: Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, Margo Prey, Connie Young
Votes: 34,688
Basically a tossup between this and The Room for transcendent magnitude. Great story on this film here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105420828
3. Only God Forgives (2013)
R | 90 min | Action, Crime, Drama
Julian, a drug-smuggler thriving in Bangkok's criminal underworld, sees his life get even more complicated when his mother compels him to find and kill whoever is responsible for his brother's recent death.
Director: Nicolas Winding Refn | Stars: Ryan Gosling, Kristin Scott Thomas, Vithaya Pansringarm, Gordon Brown
Votes: 118,149 | Gross: $0.78M
The only movie where it's possible to watch the whole thing in fast-forward and not miss anything. Absolute pure pain. Incredible that this team was coming off Drive (an amazing film) when they made this atrocity.
4. Funny Games (2007)
R | 111 min | Crime, Drama, Thriller
Two psychopathic young men take a family hostage in their cabin.
Director: Michael Haneke | Stars: Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael Pitt, Brady Corbet
Votes: 103,875 | Gross: $1.29M
The original is horrible enough, but the idea that someone would make a shot by shot remake of possibly the worst film of all time is so profoundly stupid that I can't wrap my mind around the motivation to, unless the goal is to waste as many people's time as possible.
5. Perfume: The Story of a Murderer (2006)
R | 147 min | Crime, Drama, Fantasy
Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, born with a superior olfactory sense, creates the world's finest perfume. His work, however, takes a dark turn as he searches for the ultimate scent.
Director: Tom Tykwer | Stars: Ben Whishaw, Dustin Hoffman, Alan Rickman, Francesc Albiol
Votes: 265,878 | Gross: $2.22M
The only movie where I ever wanted to throw something at the screen. This is over-directing at its finest. We always talk about how a computer program could never direct b/c of the artistic sensibility needed. Watch this and you'll second-guess that. I was speechless for hours after this disgrace.
6. Up in the Air (I) (2009)
R | 109 min | Comedy, Drama, Romance
Ryan's job is to travel around the country firing off people. When his boss hires Natalie, who proposes firing people via video conference, he tries to convince her that her method is a mistake.
Director: Jason Reitman | Stars: George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, Jason Bateman
Votes: 349,458 | Gross: $83.82M
The single most surreal experience I've ever had in a movie theater. It was like the Twilight Zone, where I was left wondering if I was watching the same movie as everyone else. To say I hated the story is a drastic understatement. I can't think of one redeeming quality of any of the characters. My only motivation to keep watching was my popcorn and hoping that a crash would kill them all.
7. The Last Airbender (2010)
PG | 103 min | Action, Adventure, Family
Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom.
Director: M. Night Shyamalan | Stars: Noah Ringer, Nicola Peltz Beckham, Jackson Rathbone, Dev Patel
Votes: 174,952 | Gross: $131.56M
I have no idea what this movie is about or what was happening in any of the scenes.
8. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
R | 99 min | Adventure, Comedy, Crime
A writer encounters the owner of an aging high-class hotel, who tells him of his early years serving as a lobby boy in the hotel's glorious years under an exceptional concierge.
Director: Wes Anderson | Stars: Ralph Fiennes, F. Murray Abraham, Mathieu Amalric, Adrien Brody
Votes: 887,268 | Gross: $59.10M
Adrien Brody's first line in the film is a line that just can't be said in 2014. It can't be written in a script and it can't be uttered in a film that's supposed to be somewhere between farce, comedy, and whimsical adventure. There's that horrible decision and the demise of the main characters, who we're told just died of normal unceremonious causes at some point which goes unaddressed. Wow.
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