Well respected films that suck.
by tentonpenguin | created - 16 Nov 2014 | updated - 15 Aug 2022 | PublicThere are spoilers in here but all the films are crap, so consider them a favour.
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1. The Golden Compass (2007)
PG-13 | 113 min | Adventure, Family, Fantasy
In a parallel universe, young Lyra Belacqua journeys to the far North to save her best friend and other kidnapped children from terrible experiments by a mysterious organization.
Director: Chris Weitz | Stars: Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Dakota Blue Richards, Ben Walker
Votes: 196,832 | Gross: $70.11M
Probably the worst mishandling of quality source material ever. Astonishingly bad.
2. Stoker (2013)
R | 99 min | Drama, Thriller
After India's father dies, her Uncle Charlie, who she never knew existed, comes to live with her and her unstable mother. She comes to suspect this mysterious, charming man has ulterior motives and becomes increasingly infatuated with him.
Director: Park Chan-wook | Stars: Mia Wasikowska, Nicole Kidman, Matthew Goode, Dermot Mulroney
Votes: 114,526 | Gross: $1.70M
Stinker.
3. Paranormal Activity (2007)
R | 86 min | Horror, Mystery
After moving into a suburban home, a couple becomes increasingly disturbed by a nightly demonic presence.
Director: Oren Peli | Stars: Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat, Mark Fredrichs, Amber Armstrong
Votes: 256,175 | Gross: $107.92M
A film that ends with one of those after effects demon faces does not deserve to be lauded with prestige. It deserves to be dismissed by Kim Newman and forgotten about.
4. The Intouchables (2011)
R | 112 min | Comedy, Drama
After he becomes a quadriplegic from a paragliding accident, an aristocrat hires a young man from the projects to be his caregiver.
Directors: Olivier Nakache, Éric Toledano | Stars: François Cluzet, Omar Sy, Anne Le Ny, Audrey Fleurot
Votes: 929,322 | Gross: $13.18M
Good performances, but as deep as a paddling pool.
5. Grease (1978)
PG | 110 min | Comedy, Musical, Romance
Good girl Sandy Olsson and greaser Danny Zuko fell in love over the summer. When they unexpectedly discover they're now in the same high school, will they be able to rekindle their romance?
Director: Randal Kleiser | Stars: John Travolta, Olivia Newton-John, Stockard Channing, Jeff Conaway
Votes: 300,512 | Gross: $188.76M
They look like they're in their *beep* late 30's.
6. A Scanner Darkly (2006)
R | 100 min | Animation, Comedy, Crime
An undercover cop in a not-too-distant future becomes involved with a dangerous new drug and begins to lose his own identity as a result.
Director: Richard Linklater | Stars: Keanu Reeves, Winona Ryder, Robert Downey Jr., Rory Cochrane
Votes: 117,120 | Gross: $5.50M
Stoner sci-fi films are better when they're not made by an actual stoner.
7. The Wicker Man (1973)
R | 88 min | Horror, Mystery, Thriller
A puritan police sergeant arrives in a Scottish island village in search of a missing girl, who the pagan locals claim never existed.
Director: Robin Hardy | Stars: Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, Diane Cilento, Britt Ekland
Votes: 92,278 | Gross: $0.06M
Huge sections of it are a mess. A classic only because of it's climax.
8. Freedom Writers (2007)
PG-13 | 123 min | Biography, Crime, Drama
A young teacher inspires her class of at-risk students to learn tolerance, apply themselves and pursue education beyond high school.
Director: Richard LaGravenese | Stars: Hilary Swank, Imelda Staunton, Patrick Dempsey, Scott Glenn
Votes: 85,365 | Gross: $36.61M
I hate these white people teaching inner city kids films and this is the most patronising of the lot.
9. Moon (2009)
R | 97 min | Drama, Mystery, Sci-Fi
Astronaut Sam Bell has a quintessentially personal encounter toward the end of his three-year stint on the Moon, where he, working alongside his computer, GERTY, sends back to Earth parcels of a resource that has helped diminish our planet's power problems.
Director: Duncan Jones | Stars: Sam Rockwell, Kevin Spacey, Dominique McElligott, Rosie Shaw
Votes: 376,692 | Gross: $5.01M
Not very engaging, over rated and dull.
10. Breathless (1960)
Not Rated | 90 min | Crime, Drama
A small-time crook, hunted by the authorities for a car theft and the murder a police officer, attempts to persuade a hip American journalism student to run away with him to Italy.
Director: Jean-Luc Godard | Stars: Jean-Paul Belmondo, Jean Seberg, Van Doude, Jean-Luc Godard
Votes: 87,917 | Gross: $0.34M
Half the film is spent in a hotel room with two French pricks. I don't care how influential it is, the film is *beep*
11. Rubber (2010)
R | 82 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Horror
A homicidal car tire, discovering it has destructive psionic power, sets its sights on a desert town once a mysterious woman becomes its obsession.
Director: Quentin Dupieux | Stars: Stephen Spinella, Roxane Mesquida, Wings Hauser, Jack Plotnick
Votes: 40,311 | Gross: $0.10M
Ooo, look how meta and clever we are. A joke long enough to last a trailer is painfully tedious at feature length.
12. The Last House on the Left (1972)
R | 84 min | Crime, Horror, Thriller
Two teenage girls heading to a rock concert for one's birthday try to score marijuana in the city, where they are kidnapped and brutalized by a gang of psychopathic convicts.
Director: Wes Craven | Stars: Sandra Peabody, Lucy Grantham, David Hess, Fred J. Lincoln
Votes: 40,281 | Gross: $3.10M
Even Wes Craven admits that he made it so horrible so it would get some attention. Completely tasteless, if your idea of entertainment is watching two girls get tortured, raped and killed for literally two thirds of the movie then this is your lucky day you creep.
13. 25th Hour (2002)
R | 135 min | Drama
Cornered by the DEA, convicted New York drug dealer Montgomery Brogan reevaluates his life in the 24 remaining hours before facing a seven-year jail term.
Director: Spike Lee | Stars: Edward Norton, Barry Pepper, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Rosario Dawson
Votes: 184,655 | Gross: $13.06M
Following World's nicest drug dealer Graham Norton as he faffs around for 135 minutes. The film has about 3 decent scenes to rub together and is for the most part a tiresome slog. Philip Seymor Hoffman could do this role in his sleep, his creepy teacher with a crush on his pupil arc has no pay off and just seems to be there to fill time. Does include Isiah Whitlock saying sheeeeeeeit however so it is at least a 6 out of 10.
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