Spasms (1983)
1/10
They ran out of money!
21 August 2003
I had hopes that the negative buzz surrounding SPASMS would prove exaggerated once I finally saw it. I mean, how bad can this movie really be? The beginning starts off promisingly: the whole part with the natives summoning the snake is well made. I was impressed by the fluidity of the snake's POV shots (which have been copied in many movies since, like in ALIEN 3). But then the story moves to San Diego (or Toronto, in this case) and the whole thing fell apart. It actually has one good moment, the one that takes place at the cult which venerates snakes. The music and the mood were effective. But then the snake escapes from its box and the film becomes worse and worse by the second. The scene at the sorority is remarkably exploitive and gratuitous, and it's one of the most over-directed moments ever caught on film. It's fun to watch because it's so over-the-top silly and exploitive that you can't help but laugh at it all. But the whole moment doesn't add anything to the movie and they could have spent the money that cost to shoot that fun but useless moment on a better ending or a better snake.

After the scene when Al Waxman is killed in the van (the scenes before his death are long and pointless), SPASMS suddenly becomes a one-man show: we only see Oliver Reed overacting and walking around, with flashbacks of all the POV shots of the killing or attacks the snake had made previously. The flashback scenes of the snakes POV shots are PADDING and the producers needed to extend the movie for a little longer before the stupid abrupt conclusion because they ran out of money. So for almost 10 long minutes, we see Reed walking about like an imbecile, the whole moment intercut with the flashback scenes, which are useless because the initial scenes were still fresh in my mind. The sub-plot with the snake cult is completely forgotten. Except for a few seconds at the very end, Peter Fonda is nowhere to be seen. Everything and everyone disappeared for a big chunk of the movie because the producers ran out of money and they seemingly only could afford Oliver Reed for the ending, which they had to wrap up quickly. The result is truly deadening. The snake fx at the conclusion are laughable. The whole thing stinks!!!

Except for a good beginning and some nifty POV shots, SPASMS is as jaw-droppingly awful as everyone says it is.
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