Review of Twister

Twister (I) (1996)
It must have been an F5 because it REALLY sucked.
16 September 1999
Ok, someone has to shoot Bill Paxton to save the world from any more of his crappy acting in crappy movies. Right after that, they should shoot Jan De Bont and burn every movie he has even thought about directing.

With that said, the ONLY thing that saved this movie from being as bad as "Lost World" was the special effects. The twisters were generally pretty cool looking (minus the cows which actually had me laughing out loud) and the surround sound was excellent. If that is all you are looking for in a movie, then this one is for you. In fact, I would suggest that anyone watching this film should just FF though all the "dialogue" and stop to watch the twisters in action. You'll be saving yourself the torture of watching the flying cows out-act the actors.

The plot, you ask? It is too mundane to bore you with. Typical girl watches father get killed by tornado, girl meets guy, girl and guy chase tornadoes, guy can not deal with girl's death wish, guy gets counseling, guy falls for counselor and wants divorce from girl, guy and counselor follow girl while she chases tornadoes to get divorce papers signed, guy realizes he still loves girl.

The mystery here is why on earth did Hunt ever fall for Paxton, why does she still love him, why won't she just sign the papers, why doesn't she throw him (and his counselor) into a tornado?

This film would have been much better if it had just followed the typical horror movie formula and had the tornado suck up one crew member at a time while Hunt watched helplessly. For those of you who need an emotional payoff, she could have flashbacks to her father's death every time the tornado sucked up another friend of hers. It could be Helen vs. the Twister and at the end, right before she kills the tornado with a giant DirtDevil, the tornado could spit up all her dead friends to ensure that she needs years of intensive psychotherapy.

Unfortunately, no one consulted me on the plot and we are left with a lifeless special effects vehicle that is only mildly entertaining. To end on a positive note, I was pleased that the special effects crew was credited before the full cast at the end of the film because they were the real stars.
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