What On Earth?
10 July 2002
In the year 3000 the Earth is dominated by gold-mining aliens. However the all but extinct human race is about to make one last bid for freedom!

Based on the novel by scientologist L. Ron Hubbard Battlefield Earth is the critically panned project from John Travolta who had longed to make it & star as the hero Jonnie Goodboy Tyler. The advancing years meant that when finally given the green light he decided to play the evil alien Terl instead. He shouldn't have bothered. Pushing aside the claims that this movie is a recruitment drive for scientology it remains a contender for worst film in cinematic history!

With any big Hollywood blockbuster suspension of disbelief is of course normal but even these movies should adhere to their own internal logic. Battlefield Earth has none! How on Earth did gold-loving aliens miss Fort Knox? How do cavemen learn to fly fighterplanes within a week? These are just a couple of the gaping plot holes in an already sparse script. They could be overlooked if the film had good fx, acting & action scenes to cover the flaws but alas it does not.

Everything has been seen before & been done better, from the post-apocalyptic ruins of Earth to the spacecraft dogfights. The aliens themselves appear to have stepped out of a 1960s episode of Star Trek with make-up consisting of dreadlocks, joke-shop monster gloves & KISS reject big boots. This is not helped by the laughable panto-style acting & unintentionally hilarious dialogue.

The man responsible for this film is Roger Christian. He has previously worked with George Lucas but this film doesn't compare favourably with any of the Lucasfilm output & that includes Howard The Duck! He has used the familiar wipes from the Star Was films again & again & again. For no visible purpose other than the fact that he can do it. The other remaining trick up his directorial sleeve is an unnecessary & bizarre over-reliance on slo-mo. This may have been used to try & add something to the uninspired action scenes.

Overall this is that rare thing, a movie totally devoid of merit! It would be hard pushed to cut the mustard as a cheap Saturday morning cartoon let alone a full length feature-film. As such it really should be avoided.
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