Review of Spiders

Spiders (2000)
1/10
Incredibly hilarious!
24 October 2001
I haven't watched a 'horror' movie like this and doubled over with unintentional laughter since the 1980's!

This movie was recently shown on the Sci-Fi Channel much to my delight as I really didn't want to rent this when it came out on video because the box cover made it look like cheap straight-to-video trash. Nonetheless, this film turned out to be cheap straight-to-cable trash, not that I was expecting anything else!

The non-existent plot in this tripe is paper thin and looks like it was scrapped together after its creators watched a few episodes of 'THE X-FILES' and 'ALIENS'. They took the premise from the X-FILES episode where Mulder's father investigates the man who seems to have had a spider surgically planted in his body which crawls out of his mouth only to kill other people by crawling into their mouths and suffocating them. Then they took the old 'ALIEN' approach by having broken pipes suddenly break loose spewing 'steam' as a 'scare tactic' for the viewer, but really only succeeds in blowing dust kittens in your direction with a long silent yawn. It seems like they also took a bit of the plot from 'TICKS' by having the spider implant an egg into the body of the dying astronaut which results in having a 'mutated' version of the spider escaping from his body. One of the most hilarious scenes happen right here - when a 'computer-generated' leg of the spider comes out of the man's mouth. It looked so fake, I don't even think the director of this film cared about it at the time.

But, the special effects in this turkey are the most hilarious things about this movie. They're cheaper than what's featured in a regular episode of "BATTLESTAR GALACTICA" or the UK classic, "RED DWARF". The space craft itself looks like it was made out of cardboard. The close-up shots look like one of those toy space crafts that hang by a piece of string in some toy-store window display against a cardboard space galaxy background.

The second hilarious thing is the spider itself. When it 'mutates' after it comes out of that man's mouth and runs around the walls, my stomach muscles nearly split from laughter!! This huge plastic-looking Halloween prop was skittling around the walls, and when the three kids are hiding in that room and the spider starts banging on the other side of the window in the door, I swear I could see the stick holding it up!!!!

The third hilarious thing is the incredible 'acting' given by all those involved with the film. Check out the female scientist who gets attacked by the plastic spider and is screaming as it sprays its web onto her face, and then she runs out the door, only to find herself pulling herself along the floor as the shadow of the spider comes closer... scene cuts to a fade out with a long scream(!!!).

The rest of this movie basically takes place in a secret underground Government facility where the three 'heroes' try to escape from the spider which makes food out of other Government personnel by spinning them into webbed cocoons.

Personally, I have arachnophobia, but after watching this film, I think spiders are one of the most friendliest creatures on this planet!

If you want to watch a genuine comedy - RENT THIS MOVIE!!!! Laughs are guaranteed!

2/10
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