Review of Signs

Signs (2002)
The Opium of the Masses
9 October 2002
As this is far from a serious film, I shall not credit it with a serious review. A friend and I saw this tame and overly symbolic yarn in Amsterdam, and were far from surprised to hear other members of the audience greet it with the derision and contempt it aroused in us.

Where to start? Mel Gibson plays Father Graham Hess, a Priest who has lost his faith. The irksome and deformed Joaquin Pheonix plays his slightly strange brother Merrill, and they live happily in their Pennsylvania house with Graham's two children. Rory Culkin plays Morgan; a child prodigy who could have given Einstein a run for his money, with Abigail Breslin playing his equally irritating sister, Bo. The story is the usual extra-terrestrial nonsense. Higher beings come to earth to study the human culture and to rape and pillage the planet for valuable resources. Just one question here: Why do we always assume that "aliens" are more powerful and advanced than us? Anyhow, using crop circles to frighten Hess' family, the aliens cleverly manipulate and expose human weaknesses.

Panic ensues, with painful recollections of the death of his wife along the way. His faith is questioned, and when it turns out he believes in "luck" and not in the wrath of God, Dear old Joaquin attempts to persuade the ex-Priest to see the error of his ways. Script is terrible. Acting derisory. The cast even start to wear foil hats to prevent the aliens from sucking their brains out. Yes, it is that bad. I cannot fathom how M. Night Shimalayamalan has attracted praise from any quarter. Okay, it will certainly appeal to those of a more religious persuasion, due to its endless symbolism, but for those of a more sound mind, I would steer well clear.

Mel Gibson is frankly awful as Father Graham Hess. His temper tantrums are slightly bizarre - see the last supper for details. Is this supposed to represent a man coming to terms with inner turmoil, or simply a b****rd of a man who regularly upsets his children? Either way, his acting skills are sadly lacking, and his days as a surefire hit are hopefully numbered. Pheonix is his usual self - peculiar, quiet, and trying to act. And those children... Well see for yourself how irritating they are.

Just don't watch this film. It is a waste of your time. See something worthwhile like Cinema Paradiso, Rear Window or The Third Man. People say M. Night is a genius. And yes, I would agree that he is. How on earth he persuaded the bigwigs at Buena Vista to make this nonsense is beyond me. If this is one of the best films of 2002, then it just goes to show what a God-awful year it has been for the cinema-goer.

Avoid.
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