Poseidon-3 Review of Hot Rods to Hell

Hot Rods to Hell (1966)

"The lights, the horns, Jingle Bells....the whole thing."

[19 July 2005]

Ah, the woeful late career roles of formerly popular stars... Andrews and Crain, who were paired up in several films prior to this one (most memorably in 1945's "State Fair") play a married couple with two children who have to make a move out west. Andrews, on his way home to celebrate Christmas, was nearly demolished in an auto accident and his brother devises a way for him to eke out a living despite the resultant back problems. So he, Crain and their two children pack up the car and start for a motel they've purchased, seemingly in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately, they manage to draw the attention of a trio of no-good, thrill-seeking teenagers who proceed to terrorize them during the last leg of their journey. Then when they finally reach their destination, the trouble doesn't cease! Andrews is forced to choose between giving up what could be his last chance for financial security or endangering his family and himself by staying and taking on the hoodlums. Andrews is forced to play a pretty dour and depressed character, one who is also very uptight and persnickety. This does make for a few unintentional chuckles along the way as he is outraged by the behavior of these kids. Crain looks smashing in her snug white skirt and sleeveless top. It's a shame that someone this put-together (she's in better shape than the daughter!) is slogging through such a tacky film. As lovely as she is, she overacts horribly many times in the film. The slightest event causes her to affect a torturous expression and/or moan or scream. Then she has the nerve to tell her daughter not to be too dramatic! Mock, as the daughter, does an okay job of conveying her burgeoning sexuality, but she sure has a lot of big hair and makeup for a 16 year-old (an age the actress clearly is NOT!) Bryon plays the marginally appealing son pretty well, not becoming too obnoxious as most cinematic children are. Bertoya (a sort of very poor man's John Derek) has a lot of intensity as the primary rabble-rouser. Kirkwood plays his slightly less nasty sidekick. Farmer is Bertoya's easy, but possessive, girlfriend. Hilariously, she rides on the top of the seats in their car, her hair plastered back from the wind, and when it pulls off the road, she suddenly has a huge, thick bouffant hairdo! Already a rather illogical film (kids that Andrews meets on the road just happen to hang out at a motel he bought 50 miles away? People drive these expansive, remote roads as if everything is close together like a neighborhood!) is made all the more ludicrous because of the lack of restraint during the action scenes. Members of the family cling to Andrews while he's driving as if they are about to drive off a mountain top. Anytime Crain is behind the wheel, it's a safe bet that she'll soon be hurtling herself all over the seat and dramatically grimacing and shaking her hair. What may have been troublesome then looks a bit like child's play now since the teen ruffians have neatly combed hair and trot around in pressed shirts and pants, clean t-shirts and so on! Most of the rotten apples look like church-going honor students compared to today! That's not to say that their actions aren't still pretty reprehensible. They just lack the really sickening menace that one might find out there nowadays. Originally intended for TV, this film does have an attractive look to it. It's clearly low budget, but looks a lot better than the TV films of the 70's. Many actors from this film wound up in the even more horrid "Riot on Sunset Strip". The live music in the film is provided by none other than Mickey Rooney's son! Andrews and Crain would not team up in another film, but, ironically, they would continue their career synergy by proceeding to appear in similar all-star projects. She was a white-knuckled airplane passenger in 1972's "Skyjacked" while he flew his private plane into a jumbo jet in "Airport 1975"!