Stoli_Raz_N_7 Review of Fantastic Four

Fantastic Four (I) (2005)

Spectacular foreplay, premature ejaculation.

[6/10 · 27 July 2005]

The film was actually quite good, up until the last-minute, lackluster ditch. Personally, I felt ripped off after solid performances, decent direction, and relatively good writing built up to the lack of a truly big battle with Dr. Doom. There should have been a no-holds-barred, knock-down-drag-out with FF and Doom; something akin to the ten-plus-minutes final battle between Neo and Smith in Matrix: Revolutions. But instead, in the final moments we got less than five minutes of Chemistry 101 that didn't even begin to tap into Doom's power. (In the comic books, Doom defeated the Beyonder, for god's sake.) The final battle should have been directed by Sam Raimi. At least he knows how to do a fight scene. All in all, the film was like spectacular foreplay leading up to premature ejaculation and eventual impotence. Women all over the world know exactly what I'm talking about here.