Poor Paul Gallico must be spinning in his grave to see such an excruciatingly bad production of his adventure novel, The Poseidon Adventure (it says so in the credits; "based on the novel by Paul Gallico")and then to have it so blatantly based on the Irwin Allen disaster movie. Come to think of it,Irwin is probably doing about 500 RPM's himself.
To start, the teleproduction committed the very worst of sins. It bored. There was little suspense or tension. The characters evoked no charm, no life, and no spark. Most of the actors may as well have been carrying cardboard standees of themselves and reading from the script as they moved about. With few exceptions, most of the portrayals made Sharon Tate and Pia Zadora's worst performances look like Sarah Bernhardt and Ethel Barrymore. Even Mamie Van Doren and John Agar were never this tedious.
There were characters who did not emit waves of blandness. The castrating shrew of a wife, Mrs. Rosen and the terrorist "high value prisoner". No, they just annoyed the hell out of me. The wife was so emotionally disaffected, my jaw dropped. Here you are on a capsized, sinking ship. Would you let your teen daughter stay behind to help the injured? For all the reaction she showed to the idea, the girl might as well have been her favorite manicurist. Mrs. Rosen would not have been too bad if she had not kept blathering on about her deceased husband, and as far as the terrorist went, he might as well have had a turban and a Kris and a handlebar mustache to twirl.
The screenplay had the feel of a high school play that was written by the drama coach and cast with the popular students, rather than the ones who had talent. It was trite, mediocre, and awkward. With lines such as "We'll burn and drown at the same time!", my eyes were rolling more than a hooker at a craps table. Mrs. Rosen's death scene was excruciatingly horrible, I cringed with embarrassment for Sylvia Sims. And that was the only time I felt anything for anyone in the production.
The special effects were okay at best and unbelievable at worst. The best were the actual capsize scenes in the ballroom, but even there it felt matter of fact. The worst were the scenes of the oil fire,burning on water,in the engine room. It was obviously computer created and done by people who have never seen an oil fire.
The worst mistake the director made was to take us outside of the ship. By doing so, any sense of immediacy, tension, and mystery were completely lost. by switching back and forth, the viewers were not able to put themselves into the story. One could only watch as a distanced and disaffected viewer.
One of the most wonderful things about seeing a film is to be able to become part of the film; to forget yourself and merge with the story. The most magnificent example of this I ever noted was in the original 1972 film. When Shelly Winters and Gene Hackman emerged from the water, I was startled to hear this odd noise in the theater. And I was delighted to realize that it was the sound of almost 700 theater patrons releasing their breathe at the same time. Had this film been shown theatrically, there may have been a similar incident, that of hundreds of people losing their dinners at the same time.
To start, the teleproduction committed the very worst of sins. It bored. There was little suspense or tension. The characters evoked no charm, no life, and no spark. Most of the actors may as well have been carrying cardboard standees of themselves and reading from the script as they moved about. With few exceptions, most of the portrayals made Sharon Tate and Pia Zadora's worst performances look like Sarah Bernhardt and Ethel Barrymore. Even Mamie Van Doren and John Agar were never this tedious.
There were characters who did not emit waves of blandness. The castrating shrew of a wife, Mrs. Rosen and the terrorist "high value prisoner". No, they just annoyed the hell out of me. The wife was so emotionally disaffected, my jaw dropped. Here you are on a capsized, sinking ship. Would you let your teen daughter stay behind to help the injured? For all the reaction she showed to the idea, the girl might as well have been her favorite manicurist. Mrs. Rosen would not have been too bad if she had not kept blathering on about her deceased husband, and as far as the terrorist went, he might as well have had a turban and a Kris and a handlebar mustache to twirl.
The screenplay had the feel of a high school play that was written by the drama coach and cast with the popular students, rather than the ones who had talent. It was trite, mediocre, and awkward. With lines such as "We'll burn and drown at the same time!", my eyes were rolling more than a hooker at a craps table. Mrs. Rosen's death scene was excruciatingly horrible, I cringed with embarrassment for Sylvia Sims. And that was the only time I felt anything for anyone in the production.
The special effects were okay at best and unbelievable at worst. The best were the actual capsize scenes in the ballroom, but even there it felt matter of fact. The worst were the scenes of the oil fire,burning on water,in the engine room. It was obviously computer created and done by people who have never seen an oil fire.
The worst mistake the director made was to take us outside of the ship. By doing so, any sense of immediacy, tension, and mystery were completely lost. by switching back and forth, the viewers were not able to put themselves into the story. One could only watch as a distanced and disaffected viewer.
One of the most wonderful things about seeing a film is to be able to become part of the film; to forget yourself and merge with the story. The most magnificent example of this I ever noted was in the original 1972 film. When Shelly Winters and Gene Hackman emerged from the water, I was startled to hear this odd noise in the theater. And I was delighted to realize that it was the sound of almost 700 theater patrons releasing their breathe at the same time. Had this film been shown theatrically, there may have been a similar incident, that of hundreds of people losing their dinners at the same time.