I first saw this movie at the theater way back when it was released in the summer of 1981. I remember being blown away by it back then. While I was closest in age to Bess Armstrong, for reasons I still don't understand I related to the older people, their friendships, their loyalties to each other, their honesty with each other. I guess I wanted to blindly accept Alan Alda's views about long-term friendships --meaningful relationships-- and of the world generally.
That was then. This is now. Fast forward.
This movie was on TV yesterday and I saw it again for the first time since that first viewing in 1981. As it was getting ready to start I was happily thinking to myself, "It's going to be fun to see this again," so I popped up some corn and kicked back to watch. I then proceeded to be profoundly disappointed. Whereas in 1981 I was 15 years younger than the main characters, in 2006 I'm older than they were then (or in Jack Weston's case, about the same age). And I saw a movie that was shallow --even phony-- and unrealistic. Life, relationships and friendships, just don't play out this way. I could specify umpteen arcs or vignettes from the movie that struck me that way, but let me just point to one, perhaps the main source of contention between the characters in the movie, which is when the Len Cariou character, Nick, dumps his wife Anne (Sandy Dennis) for the hot younger babe, Ginny (Bess Armstrong). In Alan Alda's world these people press onward and continue to socialize, albeit with an undercurrent of hostility towards Ginny (and towards Nick too, but to a lesser degree), but continue to socialize they do. Then Alda took it a step further, and it seemed at the end, after the emotional explosion, Ginny running out and jogging in the snow all night, and them finding out she was pregnant, the group was opening their arms, and was on the verge of accepting her. Here's the deal: now, after having lived life longer than Alda had when he wrote this, and now after actually having life experience in this area, I can tell you how this works in real life. My wife and I have had friends in our circle of friends where the husbands had affairs with much younger women, divorced their wives, and married the younger woman. It's happened a couple of times amongst the people we know and socialize with. What happens is the new couple gets excluded. Period. They don't get invited. They just don't. They are ex-communicated. Why? Because the wives demand it. The wives demand it out of respect, and the men go along with it and comply out of respect, not so much for the dumped woman, but for their own wives. And the wives continue to socialize with their friend, the wife who got dumped. And if anybody gets included in future gatherings, it's her, by herself, or even with a new boyfriend or husband if she has such. But the husband who did the dumping? He's outa there. Hasta la vista. Adios amigo. Abbas rebus. Every bit of him is gone. Oh, the guys might meet him for a beer or a drink or something. But he's no longer ever again part of the couples getting together. That's how that plays out.
But that's just one example. Long term friendships and relationships just don't evolve the way Alda imagined. The movie no longer rings true to me at all. Alda's world is way too contrived. Alda's world is phony.
Whereas in 1981 I thought the movie was about friendships and relationships, and I believed Alan Alda knew what he was talking about, mainly because I didn't know any better. In 2006 I can see that Alda got it way wrong. I also see what this movie was really all about. I can't really say whether Alda did this intentionally, but it's definitely in there nevertheless, and that is that it's about a group of people facing middle age, menopause, and beyond, and not really liking very much what they saw, not in themselves and not in each other. And a little bit afraid of it too. Maybe that's where Alda's own head was at.
That was then. This is now. Fast forward.
This movie was on TV yesterday and I saw it again for the first time since that first viewing in 1981. As it was getting ready to start I was happily thinking to myself, "It's going to be fun to see this again," so I popped up some corn and kicked back to watch. I then proceeded to be profoundly disappointed. Whereas in 1981 I was 15 years younger than the main characters, in 2006 I'm older than they were then (or in Jack Weston's case, about the same age). And I saw a movie that was shallow --even phony-- and unrealistic. Life, relationships and friendships, just don't play out this way. I could specify umpteen arcs or vignettes from the movie that struck me that way, but let me just point to one, perhaps the main source of contention between the characters in the movie, which is when the Len Cariou character, Nick, dumps his wife Anne (Sandy Dennis) for the hot younger babe, Ginny (Bess Armstrong). In Alan Alda's world these people press onward and continue to socialize, albeit with an undercurrent of hostility towards Ginny (and towards Nick too, but to a lesser degree), but continue to socialize they do. Then Alda took it a step further, and it seemed at the end, after the emotional explosion, Ginny running out and jogging in the snow all night, and them finding out she was pregnant, the group was opening their arms, and was on the verge of accepting her. Here's the deal: now, after having lived life longer than Alda had when he wrote this, and now after actually having life experience in this area, I can tell you how this works in real life. My wife and I have had friends in our circle of friends where the husbands had affairs with much younger women, divorced their wives, and married the younger woman. It's happened a couple of times amongst the people we know and socialize with. What happens is the new couple gets excluded. Period. They don't get invited. They just don't. They are ex-communicated. Why? Because the wives demand it. The wives demand it out of respect, and the men go along with it and comply out of respect, not so much for the dumped woman, but for their own wives. And the wives continue to socialize with their friend, the wife who got dumped. And if anybody gets included in future gatherings, it's her, by herself, or even with a new boyfriend or husband if she has such. But the husband who did the dumping? He's outa there. Hasta la vista. Adios amigo. Abbas rebus. Every bit of him is gone. Oh, the guys might meet him for a beer or a drink or something. But he's no longer ever again part of the couples getting together. That's how that plays out.
But that's just one example. Long term friendships and relationships just don't evolve the way Alda imagined. The movie no longer rings true to me at all. Alda's world is way too contrived. Alda's world is phony.
Whereas in 1981 I thought the movie was about friendships and relationships, and I believed Alan Alda knew what he was talking about, mainly because I didn't know any better. In 2006 I can see that Alda got it way wrong. I also see what this movie was really all about. I can't really say whether Alda did this intentionally, but it's definitely in there nevertheless, and that is that it's about a group of people facing middle age, menopause, and beyond, and not really liking very much what they saw, not in themselves and not in each other. And a little bit afraid of it too. Maybe that's where Alda's own head was at.