Guns of El Chupacabra (1997 Video)
2/10
Typical Don "the Dragon" Jackson film/atrocity
12 February 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Jackson did not believe in writing scripts because if people you worked with knew the script they could question what you were doing. That kind of says it all. This one is a strung together series of things which are usually two shots in search of a scene. Low point is probably the Attack of the Invisible Chupacabra "scene" which is several actors firing guns repeatedly off camera for a long time and then stops. That's it, they never move they just stand in place and shoot. This scene is repeated elsewhere as well. The monster suit is actually elaborate but seems like nobody knew how to attach the neck to the body properly so you can tell it's head is just floating on top of the suit. Jackson seems to have come across a car wreck and works that, badly, into his pretty much no drive, no point plot. Julie Strain proves again she can't act and her husband appears with her to prove he can't either. Most disturbing is that they can't act like they are having sex with each other very convincingly either--perhaps a tribute to their director's abilities. Strain is only in the film briefly as a sort a wraparound thing. There are three full frontally good looking real breasted naked women in the film who walk around totally naked in broad daylight, one of them fires a large gun while only wearing shoes. That's about it for high points. Robert Z'Dar is actually kind of funny as a sort of alien or bounty hunter, though in one scene you can see him blatantly looking down at his dialog, probably handed to him moments before the scene was shot. Don Jackson is dead now, but his films are about as bad and uniquely his own as any other bad filmmaker ever. This is by no means his worst film, many of them are even more unwatchable than this and most ended up being shot on really poor video equipment. A real deadening element of this one is this series of "newsbroadcasts" he shot to try to tie all the events together. Among a huge group of "actors" he assembled probably over months to be in this for a day or two none of them leave any impression and most seem miscast and totally lacking in talent and of looks.

Oh, special mention must go to the almost non stop rotten rock and folk something of other music that plays behind every scene and never matches anything. The Chupacabra, like Big Foot, gets no respect from filmmakers and has only been featured in dreck like this. You'd suck the blood from goats too if this was the best film you could rate.
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