Okay, I just finished watching "The Witches of Breastwick" and I gotta say....I was impressed by the huge boobs on display, but the storyline (what little of it) left a lot to be desired. Let's just say that there's a reason 80% of the grade is based on the women and the sex.
We begin with David Carter (Matt Dalpiaz, a softcore regular), a man who has been having strange dreams lately--dreams of him tied up and seduced by three women with fairly big breasts. Yep, it's the kind of dream most men would really, REALLY like to have. Unfortunately, he doesn't (why??) and he goes to see a shrink about it. Dr. Richards (Jay Richardson, a softcore veteran) doesn't really help him all that much, but I'll tell you who really helped Dr. Richards--his assistant, played by Jodie Moore, a smokin' hot Aussie porn star. She does a little strip tease on top of the board room table, and it was quite a performance. She said nothing--she let her body do the talking.
Now, back to the story. In order to get the bottom of these dreams he's been having, he takes a drive out to the woods, accompanied by his wife Tiffany (played by B-movie supervixen Monique Parent, this time as a red-head). Of course, the Carters carve out a little time to have sex out in the open and they continue on until the car suddenly dies for no reason. Tiffany spots a house nearby, and since her cell phone is getting no reception, she decides to knock on the door and see what's up.
Who answers? A woman with dirty blonde hair and big boobs, wearing a tight white top and a denim mini-skirt. NICE. Oh....the woman's name is Lola, played by Julie K. Smith. It's nice to see she's still working. She gives the Carters some drugged up wine and persuades them to spend the night with her and her two friends, Felicia and Rebecca (Stormy and Glori-Anne Gilbert, respectively--right down to the big knockers).
For the next 45 minutes or so, the film manages to loosely wrap a story around various sex scenes involving the three ladies, David, and Tiffany. They throw in another woman named Holly (Taimie Hannum, a favorite from way back) who gives David some inside info as to who these women really are--they're witches, and they've put a spell on the Carters. Apparently, David is the descendant of a judge who sentenced a famous witch named LaCacanya to death (played briefly at the end by Antonia Dorian) and these witches want payback. Okay, I suppose.
The superfast and anticlimactic ending did plenty to lose the points, but the large breasts and sex scenes-a-plenty made up for the script's shortcomings. Therefore, I consider this film tapeworthy for those aspects alone.
Women: A+ (Yes, this flick gets an A+ in this category. Glori-Anne Gilbert, Stormy, and Julie Smith are three witches I'd love to be held captive by. What a trio; I was very impressed. Throwing in Taimie Hannum for a little while was a cool bonus, as well as getting Jodie Moore to strip down to nothing. Antonia Dorian's face was on the screen for about 2 seconds, so I can't really add her in to the rating--not that it would've mattered anyway. Did I mention Monique Parent is in this? Oh, I did? Then you understand why this category gets an A+.)
Sex: A (I liked the various sex scenes, although the music playing through them kept them from getting an A+. Big boobs bouncing everywhere, and Monique Parent unclothed is always fun to watch.)
Story: C- (Here's where the points come off. The ending really took the steam out of things--probably because it ended so quickly. Jim Wynorski wrote, produced, and directed this movie (don't pay attention to the names--it's all one guy. Jim, much like Fred Olen Ray, likes to use aliases) and this is not really one of his best efforts in this department. Where was the comedy? This is listed as a horror movie, but I really wasn't scared at all. 78 minutes doesn't leave a lot when it comes to fleshing out a decent storyline, and I wasn't expecting a tearjerker or anything, but at least give these characters something to do between sex scenes.)
Overall: B+ (I'm giving this movie a B+. Not a perfect grade, but enough to make my short list of "good" softcore films. The big boobs were a definite plus, as was the wise use of Monique Parent as the unassuming, yet horny-when-she-has-to-be wife.)
We begin with David Carter (Matt Dalpiaz, a softcore regular), a man who has been having strange dreams lately--dreams of him tied up and seduced by three women with fairly big breasts. Yep, it's the kind of dream most men would really, REALLY like to have. Unfortunately, he doesn't (why??) and he goes to see a shrink about it. Dr. Richards (Jay Richardson, a softcore veteran) doesn't really help him all that much, but I'll tell you who really helped Dr. Richards--his assistant, played by Jodie Moore, a smokin' hot Aussie porn star. She does a little strip tease on top of the board room table, and it was quite a performance. She said nothing--she let her body do the talking.
Now, back to the story. In order to get the bottom of these dreams he's been having, he takes a drive out to the woods, accompanied by his wife Tiffany (played by B-movie supervixen Monique Parent, this time as a red-head). Of course, the Carters carve out a little time to have sex out in the open and they continue on until the car suddenly dies for no reason. Tiffany spots a house nearby, and since her cell phone is getting no reception, she decides to knock on the door and see what's up.
Who answers? A woman with dirty blonde hair and big boobs, wearing a tight white top and a denim mini-skirt. NICE. Oh....the woman's name is Lola, played by Julie K. Smith. It's nice to see she's still working. She gives the Carters some drugged up wine and persuades them to spend the night with her and her two friends, Felicia and Rebecca (Stormy and Glori-Anne Gilbert, respectively--right down to the big knockers).
For the next 45 minutes or so, the film manages to loosely wrap a story around various sex scenes involving the three ladies, David, and Tiffany. They throw in another woman named Holly (Taimie Hannum, a favorite from way back) who gives David some inside info as to who these women really are--they're witches, and they've put a spell on the Carters. Apparently, David is the descendant of a judge who sentenced a famous witch named LaCacanya to death (played briefly at the end by Antonia Dorian) and these witches want payback. Okay, I suppose.
The superfast and anticlimactic ending did plenty to lose the points, but the large breasts and sex scenes-a-plenty made up for the script's shortcomings. Therefore, I consider this film tapeworthy for those aspects alone.
Women: A+ (Yes, this flick gets an A+ in this category. Glori-Anne Gilbert, Stormy, and Julie Smith are three witches I'd love to be held captive by. What a trio; I was very impressed. Throwing in Taimie Hannum for a little while was a cool bonus, as well as getting Jodie Moore to strip down to nothing. Antonia Dorian's face was on the screen for about 2 seconds, so I can't really add her in to the rating--not that it would've mattered anyway. Did I mention Monique Parent is in this? Oh, I did? Then you understand why this category gets an A+.)
Sex: A (I liked the various sex scenes, although the music playing through them kept them from getting an A+. Big boobs bouncing everywhere, and Monique Parent unclothed is always fun to watch.)
Story: C- (Here's where the points come off. The ending really took the steam out of things--probably because it ended so quickly. Jim Wynorski wrote, produced, and directed this movie (don't pay attention to the names--it's all one guy. Jim, much like Fred Olen Ray, likes to use aliases) and this is not really one of his best efforts in this department. Where was the comedy? This is listed as a horror movie, but I really wasn't scared at all. 78 minutes doesn't leave a lot when it comes to fleshing out a decent storyline, and I wasn't expecting a tearjerker or anything, but at least give these characters something to do between sex scenes.)
Overall: B+ (I'm giving this movie a B+. Not a perfect grade, but enough to make my short list of "good" softcore films. The big boobs were a definite plus, as was the wise use of Monique Parent as the unassuming, yet horny-when-she-has-to-be wife.)