I sat down to watch "Alabama Jones and the Busty Crusade" last night, and I wasn't too impressed, to say the least. This flick gets high marks for an impressive cast, but just about everything else was....not so good.
We begin with three hot treasure hunters--Oklahoma Jones (Nikki Nova), Alabama Jones (Katie James, aka Angela Little), and California Jones (Cheyenne Silver). Yes, this is a loose spoof of those "Indiana Jones" action-adventure flicks, only with better looking women and sex.
Anyway, the ladies are on the hunt for an ancient relic. On their way there, Alabama Jones tells the story of two archaeologists who unsuccessfully made the trip before. Who were those two relic hunters? None other than Taimie Hannum and Amanda Auclair, aka Shyla--huge boobs and all. Wow, does she look great. A girl-girl sex scene follows of course, and a three-way girlfest follows that. You sort of see where this is going.
Later on, the girls get another assignment from an unusually gorgeous museum curator (Deanna Merryman), who strangely enough, doesn't look like any museum curator I've ever seen. They're now on a quest to find a mystic mango which has the power to turn women into sex slaves. Nice!
First, they encounter Luna (Aria Giovanni), a jungle girl with a fantastic figure. Yep, you guessed it...time for a lesbian lovefest. Soon afterward, they run into an old adventure-seeking dude with a fake beard who puts them through a hilarious question-and-answer sequence that was also in both Busty Cops movies. The questions were silly, and the responses were even sillier.
Once they get to the island, the girls run into Amelia Airhead (Kelle Marie), who crash landed there 70 years ago, but is still in fantastic shape. Time for another lesbian throwdown. By the time they finally get to the mango's location, the Queen of The Apes (Sunny Leone--yes, Sunny Leone) appears, and does a little topless dance. The movie ends with no real...ending, other than the girls getting naked yet again, which is always nice. If you like softcore comedies, this isn't that bad, but there are better ones out there, namely the first Busty Cops movie.
Now, on to the sex scenes. They were okay at best, but they were sort of slow and there wasn't too much movement. The two boy-girl encounters were nice, and Deanna Merryman has one hell of a body. The lesbian sequences were....mildly hot. The first one with Shyla and Taimie was okay, though. This movie is borderline tapeworthy, but I'd probably go with not taping it myself.
Women: A+ (This movie gets an A+ for the women, because of the cast. Nikki Nova, Katie James, Shyla, Taimie Hannum, Cheyenne Silver, Kelle Marie, Sunny Leone, Deanna Merryman, Aria Giovanni...damn, that's an impressive lineup. Kudos to the casting department there.)
Sex: C- (The sex scenes were much like the ones in those Seduction Cinema movies--the lesbian sequences were slow, which made them seem like they went on forever. Although there was gratuitous nudity--which I can appreciate--I need to see these women do something exciting on camera. Just running around in the water naked is nice, but it doesn't quite get the job done.)
Story: D (Let's be serious, this film didn't really have a story--just contrived situations to get the girls naked, much like Busty Cops. But Busty Cops was really funny, and this....wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was funny at times, like the question-and-answer scene, and the dialogue between the Jones girls, but on the whole there wasn't enough to hold my interest between the nudity. Maybe if they were naked the whole time, I would've paid more attention. This is a Jim Wynorski flick, which means two things--plenty of boobs on display and solid softcore comedy. At least Jim delivered on one of these. The interview with the cast at the end was a nice touch.)
Overall: C- (Barely a passing grade, but the movie survives by delivering an impressive, smoking hot cast. Sunny Leone had no lines, but I can watch her dance, bounce and wiggle all day. Nikki Nova is becoming an old pro at these mindless softcore comedies. I'd like to see what she can do in one of Fred Olen Ray's bikini movies. As a silly spoof, "Alabama Jones" works...sort of. If you like softcore comedy, this might do the trick, but I'd probably go with one of the Busty Cops films before watching this.)
We begin with three hot treasure hunters--Oklahoma Jones (Nikki Nova), Alabama Jones (Katie James, aka Angela Little), and California Jones (Cheyenne Silver). Yes, this is a loose spoof of those "Indiana Jones" action-adventure flicks, only with better looking women and sex.
Anyway, the ladies are on the hunt for an ancient relic. On their way there, Alabama Jones tells the story of two archaeologists who unsuccessfully made the trip before. Who were those two relic hunters? None other than Taimie Hannum and Amanda Auclair, aka Shyla--huge boobs and all. Wow, does she look great. A girl-girl sex scene follows of course, and a three-way girlfest follows that. You sort of see where this is going.
Later on, the girls get another assignment from an unusually gorgeous museum curator (Deanna Merryman), who strangely enough, doesn't look like any museum curator I've ever seen. They're now on a quest to find a mystic mango which has the power to turn women into sex slaves. Nice!
First, they encounter Luna (Aria Giovanni), a jungle girl with a fantastic figure. Yep, you guessed it...time for a lesbian lovefest. Soon afterward, they run into an old adventure-seeking dude with a fake beard who puts them through a hilarious question-and-answer sequence that was also in both Busty Cops movies. The questions were silly, and the responses were even sillier.
Once they get to the island, the girls run into Amelia Airhead (Kelle Marie), who crash landed there 70 years ago, but is still in fantastic shape. Time for another lesbian throwdown. By the time they finally get to the mango's location, the Queen of The Apes (Sunny Leone--yes, Sunny Leone) appears, and does a little topless dance. The movie ends with no real...ending, other than the girls getting naked yet again, which is always nice. If you like softcore comedies, this isn't that bad, but there are better ones out there, namely the first Busty Cops movie.
Now, on to the sex scenes. They were okay at best, but they were sort of slow and there wasn't too much movement. The two boy-girl encounters were nice, and Deanna Merryman has one hell of a body. The lesbian sequences were....mildly hot. The first one with Shyla and Taimie was okay, though. This movie is borderline tapeworthy, but I'd probably go with not taping it myself.
Women: A+ (This movie gets an A+ for the women, because of the cast. Nikki Nova, Katie James, Shyla, Taimie Hannum, Cheyenne Silver, Kelle Marie, Sunny Leone, Deanna Merryman, Aria Giovanni...damn, that's an impressive lineup. Kudos to the casting department there.)
Sex: C- (The sex scenes were much like the ones in those Seduction Cinema movies--the lesbian sequences were slow, which made them seem like they went on forever. Although there was gratuitous nudity--which I can appreciate--I need to see these women do something exciting on camera. Just running around in the water naked is nice, but it doesn't quite get the job done.)
Story: D (Let's be serious, this film didn't really have a story--just contrived situations to get the girls naked, much like Busty Cops. But Busty Cops was really funny, and this....wasn't. Don't get me wrong, it was funny at times, like the question-and-answer scene, and the dialogue between the Jones girls, but on the whole there wasn't enough to hold my interest between the nudity. Maybe if they were naked the whole time, I would've paid more attention. This is a Jim Wynorski flick, which means two things--plenty of boobs on display and solid softcore comedy. At least Jim delivered on one of these. The interview with the cast at the end was a nice touch.)
Overall: C- (Barely a passing grade, but the movie survives by delivering an impressive, smoking hot cast. Sunny Leone had no lines, but I can watch her dance, bounce and wiggle all day. Nikki Nova is becoming an old pro at these mindless softcore comedies. I'd like to see what she can do in one of Fred Olen Ray's bikini movies. As a silly spoof, "Alabama Jones" works...sort of. If you like softcore comedy, this might do the trick, but I'd probably go with one of the Busty Cops films before watching this.)