6/10
More misses than hits in Karan Johar's overlong, overwrought third outing...
14 August 2006
The problem with reviewing a Bollywood movie, more so a Karan Johar movie, is that you never know whether you should review it on your terms or it's own terms.

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna ("KANK", of course), is a film that doesn't do much, but does what it does pretty well for the most part. I say "for the most part" because by the final third, it becomes an endurance test.

This is a Karan Johar film that begins where most Karan Johar films end. Dev Saran (Shah Rukh Khan)is married to Rhea (Priety Zinta). One morning he meets Maya (Rani Mukherjee), sitting at a bench, hesitant to go into her own wedding with Rishi (Abhishek Bachchan). Dev talks her into taking the plunge and they go their separate ways. A few years later, Rhea is successful, Dev isn't. Rishi's in love with Maya, Maya loves Rishi but isn't *in* love with him. When Maya and Dev reconnect, infidelity ensues.

So is this a film about marriage, love, following your heart, the difference between love and being in love? Well, yes and no. Johar flirts tantilizingly with all those issues, but never really gets a grip on any of them. You could argue that I'm being a bit lofty in my ambition for a Karan Johar movie, but I'm only disappointed because the opportunities for dealing with these issues all present themselves repeatedly during the film's mammoth three and a half hour runtime, but Johar never does them justice. This is definitely his most mature film yet, but the maturity feels token and isn't enough.

Is this a bad film? Nope, not in the least. Johar is still very much melodrama's Michael Bay; KANK is loud, lush, gorgeous and Johar knows how to get his actors to crank the emo factor up all the way to 11. The chemistry between Rani Mukherji and SRK (hamming it up) is palpable, their little gestures saying more than the loud ones (a pity, because little gestures are in short supply here). Abhishek Bachchan is here to stay but lets not forget Amitabh Bachchan. I can't figure out if its a testament to the Big B's ability or an indictment of the other actors (and indeed the script) that in spite of dealing with two complex marriages, the emotional center of the film is the relationship between Amitabh and Kiron Kher. (he plays Abhishek's father, her, Shah Rukh's mother).

The most sorely under-written character is Priety Zinta's. The script does her the disservice of painting her as cold and so focused on her career that her marriage has fallen by the wayside. Why does this bother me? Because it just feels like Johar's trying to force our sympathies towards SRK and Rani's relationship. She's got a thankless job to do, even though her character fleshes itself out a bit more towards the end.

This is a Karan Johar film and so of course the beautiful people are dressed in beautiful brands courtesy Manish Malhotra. The film is dressed in great (if slightly forgettable) music by Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy. But somewhere along the way, somebody was asleep at two important tables; at the writers' table, both Johar and screenplay writer Shibani Bhatija clearly thought they had an obligation to drag the film across a 200 minute finish line, so the script is flabby and padded. At the one table we could have had a liposuction, the editing table, editor Sanjay Sankla went to sleep.

As a result, in spite of it's ability to make you think in bits, in spite of it's beauty, in spite of some searing performances, the film loses its ability to ever truly touch you, instead leaving you checking your watch, wondering if you're going to make that dinner appointment.

I almost missed mine.
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