16 Blocks (2006)
1/10
Complete Garbage
14 November 2006
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is terribly, wretchedly, god-awfully horrible. In fact, I can't recall the last time I saw a movie that was so bad. Please, for the love of god, don't watch this movie! The worst part is that I had a vested interest in liking this movie. Let me explain. The bulk of this stinker was filmed in Toronto, and some of it was even filmed in my apartment building. The scene where Mos and Bruce get chased into the Chinese dude's apartment, and the elevator scene - those were filmed in my building.

It was definitely interesting to see how Hollywood works "up close" (example: painting over our ancient stairwell, only to re-paint it with fake "handprints" and grime - like the original wasn't grimy enough). I even got to briefly meet Bruce Willis, which was a cheap thrill, although there was no eye contact - his gaze was downcast the entire time. I guess he was getting into character... I also found it interesting that a 10 minute sequence in a movie would inconvenience our entire building for several weeks - no elevator, cables and equipment strewn everywhere, etc.

In any event, I was pretty pumped about getting to see my humble abode on the big screen. Unfortunately, that's the only enjoyment I got out of this terrible, terrible movie. It almost doesn't bear discussing, it's simply that bad.

The plot is clichéd as all-friggin-hell. Everything reeks of paint-by-numbers script-writing and characterization. Trust me, this is nothing you haven't seen fifty million times before. There's absolutely no suspense, drama, or interest. I just wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. And Mos Def is simply maddeningly annoying and deserves to have his Screen Actor's Guild membership revoked.

This movie is beyond bad. In fact, it surpasses bad and achieves the status of disturbingly bad. What can you say about an "action" movie where the most exciting scene consists of a bus speeding down an alley destroying air conditioning units? Avoid this tripe at all costs.
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