Sorry, usually much can be written off as "difference of opinion" but there is no way anyone can think this is competent, let alone good. And I'm not even talking this thing is so fantastically bad that it enters the realm of good/bad - it's just plain bad. Awful. Talented but famous hard drinking stoners, Terry Southern and Harry Nillson must have consumed great amounts of booze and drugs to put this thing to paper - it plays like a bad college play that someone high for the first time might consider "deep". Goldberg is a struggling actress who lives with a live owl and a goldfish - who have the misfortune of having to listen to this whole trainwreck. Whoopi calls people endlessly and shouts at her next door neighbor thru the wall and performs characters. There is not one accent she nails - in fact her bad attempts at accents (Indian, Irish, Jamaican, etc.) are stunningly off. At times it seems they just said to Whoopi - "do whatever you want, what the hell...." So she grins and dances to reggae - not entertainingly mind you. The high level of comedy is when Elliot Gould stops by as her agent and she farts on him to chase him out of the apartment. Seriously - she calls it The Dance of the Seven Flatuances and pretend farts on him to chase him away. And yes, wow, dude, what a twist ending - she turns out to be really insane because the phone co. guy comes by to get the phone telling us it has been disconnected for months. Oh wow - you MEAN she was just BABBLING away and no one was there? Wow - now it truly was a waste of time. Oh and then she stabs John Heard to death because he was going to take her phone. That's it. I would say it is the worst piece of crap Whoopi ever made but her dinosaur cop movie makes me wonder...
Review of The Telephone
