1/10
A Double Dose of Swinging Ineptitude
3 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
MASTER PLAN: run a heroin ring, avoid the breasts. There's a special agent out there, this film tells us, who has mammoth breasts and can kill criminals rather effortlessly. She's sent in, taken away from her relaxing vacation, to break up a heroin ring. Her boss has a camera implanted in her...left breast, so she can take photos of her targets, usually after they're dead. The agency is looking for the criminal mastermind, who has a t-shaped scar on the right side of his face. Yes, there is an actual plot to this, but it proceeds at such a limp pace, I feel they should have concentrated more on meaningless sex scenes. In fact, when the two main characters get down and do it, the scene cuts just as they start, a baffling methodology of the director and editor for a supposed sex spoof. The filmmakers are more intent on letting the movie camera linger on those huge breasts, whether the character is speaking on the phone or whatever. The director also likes to concentrate shots on arbitrary objects in the scene, or a little dog on the grass, for no reason. This could be instructional for film students on how not to shoot and edit a film.

This is, of course, a continuing attempt to capitalize on the James Bond-type spy thriller, going all the way back to such female Bonds as "Modesty Blaise" and the similarly no-budget "Girl From S.I.N." Agent 73, as played by Chesty Morgan, does assassinate various characters, but she acts out the killings in such a lifeless manner, beyond just being casual, you get not so much as a chill as just a sense that the actress can't act worth a damn. She previously used her breasts in "Deadly Weapons," actually smothering people to death; here, it's more standard, like garroting someone with a cord, though there's one scene involving ice cubes which is different, if still dull. In the end - and here is the spoiler - she finds out who the master villain is and, with the usual lack of emotion, shoots him as he asks her to marry him; my only thought was, why would this guy want to marry this freakish zombie-lady? At this point, the film lost all credibility, ha-ha. Also, to get any enjoyment out of this movie, you have to be the type that really appreciates overweight women who keep swinging grotesquely pendulous breasts in your face, ad nauseum. Heroine:1 Villain:2 Femme Fatales:1 Henchmen:2 Fights:1 Stunts/Chases:1 Gadgets:0 Auto:1 Locations:1 Pace:1 overall:1
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