1/10
This movie is a waste of time and money!
28 December 2007
Warning: Spoilers
My qualifications for this review? I own all the Alien and Predator movies & I have and have read almost all the books I can find that are related to this series.

I can safely say, this movie is a Stinker. Save your money & don't waste your time. If you like mindless action, mindless gore, no plot to speak of & like being taken by Hollywood, see the movie.

If you are a serious Alien series fan, send a message to the over stuffed, over paid suits in Hollywood & 20th Century Fox & don't give them a penny.

This movie has so many plot holes in it you could sieve pasta through it. Read the other negative reviews to get the big picture, it has all be said accurately, so I don't have to repeat them.

The characters in this movie are cardboard. You want them all dead. And, the movie doesn't disappoint, almost all of them die. Even the hot, bubble headed blond. Do you feel sorry for her? Nope. No plot, no character development....who cares. The Predators are now idiots too. They scan everything but their own dead warrior. They are suppose to be a high technology society, right? In the Predator movie, they scanned the soldiers and the girl to determine who was armed. Trophy kills. In AvP, they scanned Charles Weyland and let him go because he had Cancer. Major Plot hole!

Also, the R rating is because they have kids in the movie that get a face hugger, lots of gore and violence and there is one hospital scene where a very large pregnant women is injected with chest bursters. She is implanted by the Hybrid Alien with 4 or 5 eggs in a mouth-to-mouth love scene-orgy and they all hatch in, say, 30 seconds. Sensational gore a plenty, nothing more. These scenes are laughable, not serious. It is almost like the violence happens and the Alien looks at the camera and waits for applause, a thumbs up or a nod of some sort.

The Aliens in this movie are all on performance enhancing drugs. They develop fast and spread quickly all over the town, tons of them, everywhere in record spawn time. Pathetic because it does not stick to the series story line and adds nothing to the Aliens, Aliens Predator continuity.

I have noticed the positive reviews are written by people who love the gore. Laughable. As a movie, as a continuation of the Aliens franchise and the development of the Aliens vs Predator franchise, this movie is a cheesecake cliché at best. If you have faithfully followed this series, all the rules are broken and the Aliens and Predators are reduced to comic book characters.

There is not one fantastic, memorable action scene. There are almost no special effects worth remembering. There are no brand name actors. The plot is as thin as onion paper that ultimately ends with a, "We have two choices to get out of this mess...The Hospital or the center of town!". I just about wet myself. The center of town means everyone is going to get nuked by Big Brother who somehow knows the town has been infested because they have an AWAC in the air that can see the infestation on a radar screen in special effects Red Spots. I just about fell out of my chair. Special effects red spot alien radar on an AWAC over middle America. I am splitting my gut laughing.

Having to get to the Helicopter Pad made me choke on my popcorn. Has anyone played a game called ZOMBIES!? You have to get your playing pieces to the Helicopter Pad to win. I almost wet myself laughing.

The ending is enough to make you shake your head in wonderment. Who did 20th Century Fox hire to write this script!? OH, OH, ask me.... a Grade 5 student. There really can't be any other answer. Oh, yes there can be another answer... Low Budget Cheesecake Sci-Fi.

The ending? "Col. Stevens takes the Predator pulse rifle to Ms. Yutani (Francoise Yip). She tells him that the earth is not ready for the technology it represents. Col. Stevens knows Yutani doesn't want the technology to use on earth." You are kidding me, right? Ms. Yutani? Who is Ms Yutani? (forshadow:Weyland-Yutani: The Corporation) She is in the movie exactly 2 seconds and yet, in her infinite far east wisdom, she says the world is not ready for the technology. Seriously??!! The Brothers Dweebs (Strause) as directors? Who is responsible for this hemorrhage-abortion of a movie? They are the Doug and Bob McKenzie of directors and yet Fox entrusted the flailing Alien franchise to them. They are touted as special effects experts and yet the movie is all low budget special effects. Hmmm, I see a pattern. Laughable.

This movie is only made to empty your wallet. It serves no other purpose. It has no plot. It has no main characters worth mentioning. It is disjointed. It does not adhere to any of the character principles established in previous movies. It does nothing to advance the franchise. The special effects are lame, minimal and low budget. And, it has no ending to speak of. It is low budget and strictly designed to take your hard earned money. Nothing more.

Save your money. Either watch it on TV where it will very quickly end up. Buy a bootleg or miss this bleeding ulcer altogether. There is a reason why Fox did not Preview this movie to the critics. The critics would have eaten this mess alive and no one would have gone to the theaters to see it. JR Giger, the original creator, is at this very moment, leaning over a toilet spilling his lunch.

20th Century Fox, this movie is a stinker. It is as bad or worse than Alien 3. You insult us.

Flush now...
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