jeremyfredrikson Review of Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th (2009)

Hot chicks, but this retread really just runs thru the expected paces.

[4/10 · 14 February 2009]

Okay, here's a review by someone who's not going to love every Friday The 13th movie just because it's a Friday The 13th movie. Some people are really obsessed with these films and will like them no matter what. And that's fine. In fact, that's good for them, because this one sure treads steady, familiar waters. The rest of us who want a genuinely scary horror movie and were hoping for some new plot elements, will more than likely be asking ourselves what was the point of making this film? It's definitely nothing new or original (unless you think a different weapon or killing method is enough to be called new and original, because the plot sure isn't). It's a recycling. Here it is in a nutshell. The film opens in 1980 with quick snippets of Jason's mother yelling at a girl, lumping her in with the counselors who let Jason drown on their watch. If you haven't seen earlier entries or read about the other films, you may not know what's going on, and even if you have you still might ask yourself what a young Jason is doing lurking around in the background during this opening scene. So did he drown or didn't he? Just when you start to ask yourself what's going on, the film cuts to the present day and a bunch of horny, annoying, beer and/or pot loving guys and gals on their way to find weed in the woods. Jason pops up and quickly eliminates these cartoony kids. This first 20 minutes is pretty fast once Jason appears, not good, just fast. Even Jason himself is fast, unfortunately. He's actually more like Leatherface here than the Jason we grew up to love. After he slaughters the teens in various ways (some predictably so, some freshly done, and one not even shown!), the title pops up which may invoke laughter since it comes so far in. Next...more dumb teens, but at least some in this next group improvise funny little lines here and there. The pacing is really off on this flick. It's fast, slow, fast, fast, sloooow, fast, fast, seen it before, dumb, done. There are scenes of talking which drag, and then Jason just popping up out of the blue to kill. No suspenseful build ups, just whammo! Stalker type scares? Forget about it. It's as if the filmmakers think the audience knows what's going to happen anyway so they skip the sweating, waiting, false-start moments that in earlier entries were the reasons behind any feelings of fear and shock. Some of the killings here invoke "ewww" responses, others have been done better before (in Silent Night, Deadly Night, earlier Friday entries, and even a kung fu flick called Warriors Two!). The goings on are so familiar that the entire effort comes across as really unnecessary. The main change is a very bad one, too. Jason's fast! Possibly for today's text messaging "I need it now" teen crowd? A fast Jason? Might as well make Aquaman a land lubber. Why not show the dumb teens at least trying to fight back before failing? Some different ideas are started but not carried through (ex. Jason has a nifty alarm system that tips him off that people are on his property, but he doesn't even go see who's there...although that was in See No Evil). Some dialog feels purposely corny and forced, other bits are genuinely funny and come off as possible improv, while some is just meaningless filler. The Good: great looking girls (especially one who has a prolonged sex scene and is the object of very funny dialog like, "Your #@#s are so juicy, dude." Dude!), some funny improv "yeah, fix the chair cuz my dad used to beat me in it", great looking girls, some unexpectedly timed kills and sounds (arrow, dog), great looking girls, a guy licking a centerfold magazine (the best part of the whole movie next to the extended sex scene), and did I mention great looking girls? The Bad: same old story, a fast and even thinking man Jason (we want our walk-and-kill Jason Voorhees back!), contrived bits (a completely forced and ridiculous homage to the original film's ending happens about 10 lousy seconds after the "heroes" dump a dead(?) Jason into Crystal Lake...not scary at all this time, just a joke laughed at by most in the theater), a real lack of suspense and build up, scenes that aren't filmed quite right (a camper's looking down at pot plants, next has gotta be a shot of Jason's shoes and a slow camera tilt up to him, right? wrong, just more pot plants and then a wide shot cut to a standing Jason...ho hum), and no legitimate, real scares (although the gore might gross some people out...and that dog bark!). A horror movie should be scary at least somewhere for Pete's sake unless it's a spoof. Sitting through this was like watching a rerun of a rerun where you almost always know what to expect. Except that instead of the victims walking...then listening...then walking...then stopping...oh, just a false start...then BOO!, this one's sped up to just talking then BOO, BOO, talking, BOO, etc. Fine effects, boobies, and some silly improv sure, but this one's really just more of the same. At least Jason X, Freddy VS Jason, Jason Goes To Hell, Part V, and the original tried to shake things up a little (which I guess is why die-hard Jason fans rank some of those lower on the scale, I guess). This one's really for those just wanting an assembly line product of what they've seen and liked in the past. I'd give it a 9 for boobies, a 2 for story originality, a 2 for genuine scares, an 8 for the well done but less than inspired gore effects, and an overall 4-5 as a passable entry that really just goes through the expected paces. Die-hard Friday fans rejoice! Horror fans, eh. It's got some moments...and boobies!