As the late serial killer Jigsaw might say, let's play a game. A computer game. And when you've tired of that, why not visit Thorpe Park, and try 'Saw: The Ride', the biggest G-Force roller-coaster ride in Europe. Then afterwards, perhaps pop across to 'Saw Alive' - "the world's most extreme live action horror maze," which, according to the PRs, "will make the grotesque fiction of the films a reality". In Thorpe Park.
And finally, and perhaps least importantly of all, there's the films. Oh yeah, them. Only the world's most successful horror franchise according to the Guinness Book of Records. As if the world, and all its doings, was something to cheerlead for.
Anyway, Saw 3D purports to be the last in the series (the words 'chinny' and 'reckon' spring to mind for some reason) - more to do with failing box office receipts than anything approaching a conscience - so, as the vast iron gears of the Saw franchise finally grind to a halt (fingers crossed), let's strap on our plastic bibs and utility mittens and get through this, one more time.
Those of you who've been following this torturous soap opera will know that the keeper of Jiggy's legacy, Detective Hoffman (the delightfully named actor Costas Mandylor), has torn himself out of his reverse bear trap and is presumably looking to kick seven shades out of John Kramer's treacherous widow Jill (Betsy Russell). That would be a correct supposition.
Meanwhile, a survivor of one those fiendish flesh-flaying traps, Bobby Dagen (Sean Patrick Flanery), has started his own 'Jigsaw Survivors' self-help group, and is currently doing the chat show circuit, complete with his own PR and media lawyer in tow. But is he all he says he is?
What we're witnessing here isn't just the death of a franchise that has knowingly traded in utter crud year after year, but also a sort of self-loathing mea culpa, as it gasps its last. Because the most significant thing about Saw 3D isn't the 3D (it's awful, like all 3D films), it's those PRs and media lawyers. Who die, horribly. And via some of the skankiest, nastiest, "Heath Robinson is real annoyed"-style contraptions yet.
This is satire, clearly - something the hermetically sealed series only thought might be cool to employ in the penultimate movie, when, with mischievous relevancy, it fed a bunch of insurance executives and lenders into the traps during 2009. Satire suited Saw. But, too little too late.
Wanna see something way creepier than Saw 3D though? As you enter the left hand entrance of Screen 5 of London's Vue Cinema, West End, where I caught this particular screening, take a sharp right and check out the low ceiling, slightly to the right of the neon Exit sign. Because - I kid you not - smeared all over it, is what looks like a massive bloodstain. I sat directly under it all the way through the film, and I swear I felt it dripping.
And finally, and perhaps least importantly of all, there's the films. Oh yeah, them. Only the world's most successful horror franchise according to the Guinness Book of Records. As if the world, and all its doings, was something to cheerlead for.
Anyway, Saw 3D purports to be the last in the series (the words 'chinny' and 'reckon' spring to mind for some reason) - more to do with failing box office receipts than anything approaching a conscience - so, as the vast iron gears of the Saw franchise finally grind to a halt (fingers crossed), let's strap on our plastic bibs and utility mittens and get through this, one more time.
Those of you who've been following this torturous soap opera will know that the keeper of Jiggy's legacy, Detective Hoffman (the delightfully named actor Costas Mandylor), has torn himself out of his reverse bear trap and is presumably looking to kick seven shades out of John Kramer's treacherous widow Jill (Betsy Russell). That would be a correct supposition.
Meanwhile, a survivor of one those fiendish flesh-flaying traps, Bobby Dagen (Sean Patrick Flanery), has started his own 'Jigsaw Survivors' self-help group, and is currently doing the chat show circuit, complete with his own PR and media lawyer in tow. But is he all he says he is?
What we're witnessing here isn't just the death of a franchise that has knowingly traded in utter crud year after year, but also a sort of self-loathing mea culpa, as it gasps its last. Because the most significant thing about Saw 3D isn't the 3D (it's awful, like all 3D films), it's those PRs and media lawyers. Who die, horribly. And via some of the skankiest, nastiest, "Heath Robinson is real annoyed"-style contraptions yet.
This is satire, clearly - something the hermetically sealed series only thought might be cool to employ in the penultimate movie, when, with mischievous relevancy, it fed a bunch of insurance executives and lenders into the traps during 2009. Satire suited Saw. But, too little too late.
Wanna see something way creepier than Saw 3D though? As you enter the left hand entrance of Screen 5 of London's Vue Cinema, West End, where I caught this particular screening, take a sharp right and check out the low ceiling, slightly to the right of the neon Exit sign. Because - I kid you not - smeared all over it, is what looks like a massive bloodstain. I sat directly under it all the way through the film, and I swear I felt it dripping.