This movie is like a gigantic tangle of string. I mean gigantic like the size of a big house with a two car garage on the end of a cul de sac. At first glance, the loops and twists and turns are impressive but it's really nothing more than one long, boring strand. The sheer size of it can be overwhelming but when you think about somebody spending so much time just tangling string, you're overwhelmed by such a wretched waste. As the string tangler should have stopped after a couple of hours and found something better to do, these filmmakers needed to stop piling one plot contrivance on another and make a single one of them work well.
Let's see how far you can get into the plot of Lies and Alibis before you want to say "Enough!" and go watch an episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Ray Elliot (Steve Coogan) is a former con man who's found an unusual way to go straight. He runs a security firm for adulterers. When people want to cheat on their spouse, they hire Ray's company to cover up for them and provide them with airtight alibis. While in the midst of hiring the statuesque Lola (Rebecca Romijn) as a new associate, Ray is recognized by a thug (Henry Rollins) who mentions that there's a 5 million dollar contract out on Ray's old scam artist partner. Ray is then called away to deal with a client emergency and after helping the wealthy and horny Robert Hatch (James Brolin) conceal yet another affair from his wife, Ray is hired to help Hatch's son do the same. So while Wendell Hatch (James Marsden) spends the weekend at a bed and breakfast with his girlfriend, Ray pretends to be Wendell at a broker's convention to fool his wife.
Are you still with me? Well, Wendell accidentally kills his girlfriend and cajoles Ray into covering that up, which he does by calling on the thug who recognized him. That thug works for a Mormon hit-man (Sam Elliot) who then decides that Ray absolutely must help him with alibis for his murderous work, which Ray seemingly consents to while dodging the amorous advances of one of the Mormon's wives (Selma Blair). Then Ray discovers that Robert Hatch is looking to kill him to permanently cover up for his son's deadly mistake, while the police have already traced the missing girl back to Ray, who also finds himself the target of Hatch's driver (John Lequizamo), the enraged boyfriend of Wendell's now dead girlfriend. There's also a cold blooded assassin coming after the 5 million dollar contract on Ray's old partner and a bit of confusion as to whether Ray knows where his old partner is, whether he's alive or dead or even if Ray is himself his old partner. Compounding that confusion is Ray's quest to find a corpse.
And of course, Ray and Lola make googoo eyes at each other, even though she makes him look like a member of the Lollipop Guild, as Ray schemes to lure everyone involved in this whole snarl to a hotel where they can all get their just desserts.
I don't know about you but by the time it got to the Mormon assassin, I had had just about enough of this movie. It was all too much to believe, especially when Ray is always portrayed as so slick and in control that there never seems to be even the slightest bit of danger in any of it. When you wade through it all, you're left with the reality that Ray is a long, boring strand. He's not interesting and he's certainly not sympathetic. So this convoluted tale boils down to there never being any real risk for the main character and the viewer not caring even if there was.
Lies and Alibis might have found some way to work if it had focused on Ray and Lola, Ray's unusual business and one other thing. Maybe the problems posed by the Hatch's, maybe the people gunning for Ray's old partner, maybe the Mormon assassin who wants Ray to cover up his killings. Glopping them all and more into the mix doesn't work.
Unless a house-sized tangle of string sounds to you like a great idea for a tourist attraction, don't bother with this film.
Let's see how far you can get into the plot of Lies and Alibis before you want to say "Enough!" and go watch an episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Ray Elliot (Steve Coogan) is a former con man who's found an unusual way to go straight. He runs a security firm for adulterers. When people want to cheat on their spouse, they hire Ray's company to cover up for them and provide them with airtight alibis. While in the midst of hiring the statuesque Lola (Rebecca Romijn) as a new associate, Ray is recognized by a thug (Henry Rollins) who mentions that there's a 5 million dollar contract out on Ray's old scam artist partner. Ray is then called away to deal with a client emergency and after helping the wealthy and horny Robert Hatch (James Brolin) conceal yet another affair from his wife, Ray is hired to help Hatch's son do the same. So while Wendell Hatch (James Marsden) spends the weekend at a bed and breakfast with his girlfriend, Ray pretends to be Wendell at a broker's convention to fool his wife.
Are you still with me? Well, Wendell accidentally kills his girlfriend and cajoles Ray into covering that up, which he does by calling on the thug who recognized him. That thug works for a Mormon hit-man (Sam Elliot) who then decides that Ray absolutely must help him with alibis for his murderous work, which Ray seemingly consents to while dodging the amorous advances of one of the Mormon's wives (Selma Blair). Then Ray discovers that Robert Hatch is looking to kill him to permanently cover up for his son's deadly mistake, while the police have already traced the missing girl back to Ray, who also finds himself the target of Hatch's driver (John Lequizamo), the enraged boyfriend of Wendell's now dead girlfriend. There's also a cold blooded assassin coming after the 5 million dollar contract on Ray's old partner and a bit of confusion as to whether Ray knows where his old partner is, whether he's alive or dead or even if Ray is himself his old partner. Compounding that confusion is Ray's quest to find a corpse.
And of course, Ray and Lola make googoo eyes at each other, even though she makes him look like a member of the Lollipop Guild, as Ray schemes to lure everyone involved in this whole snarl to a hotel where they can all get their just desserts.
I don't know about you but by the time it got to the Mormon assassin, I had had just about enough of this movie. It was all too much to believe, especially when Ray is always portrayed as so slick and in control that there never seems to be even the slightest bit of danger in any of it. When you wade through it all, you're left with the reality that Ray is a long, boring strand. He's not interesting and he's certainly not sympathetic. So this convoluted tale boils down to there never being any real risk for the main character and the viewer not caring even if there was.
Lies and Alibis might have found some way to work if it had focused on Ray and Lola, Ray's unusual business and one other thing. Maybe the problems posed by the Hatch's, maybe the people gunning for Ray's old partner, maybe the Mormon assassin who wants Ray to cover up his killings. Glopping them all and more into the mix doesn't work.
Unless a house-sized tangle of string sounds to you like a great idea for a tourist attraction, don't bother with this film.