Sometimes Hollywood stars need to know their place on the walk of fame. A few stars - like Tom Hanks and Bruce Willis, seem to make the transition from the small screen to the large blockbusters in one effortless bounce. It's almost as if their personas are too big to be contained in a TV sitcom, and need the silver screen to blossom and grow. Others - like Ashton Kutcher - should be happily entertaining us on the small screen, where we can appreciate his quirky - yet limited - talents.
"Spread" proves that Ashton's skills just get lost once he wandered away from a TV sound stage. This movie is driven neither by tightly constructed plot or nor believable character development. And so sadly, we're reminded again that marginal B-list stars like Ashton Kutcher have to make a living, too.
Starring Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche, this movie vainly attempts to tell the story of a small-time west coast hustler, who imagines himself more successful than he actually is, in the harsh reality light bulb that is LA. Kutcher plays Nikki, who introduces himself with this voice over narration during a three + minute long take. (What male uses the female spelling for his first name?) "My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this city. I don't want to be arrogant here, but I'm an incredibly attractive man. I can't help it, I don't try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother's best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us f*#kin' on the Stairmaster. Los Angeles, California - that's where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and Little Miss Cute Tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart. When I first came out here, I had a dream - a dream of an easy life. I was gonna get rich from lyin' around having my picture taken. I was gonna live in the hills and drive a noisy yellow sports car and f*ck 6' girls who weighed 89 lbs. Guess what? Most of it came true." Is it surprising that it's all downhill from here? Kutcher is unconvincing as the LA hustler of wealthy women, since he obviously doesn't have anything to show for it. He picks up a woman, plays lounge lizard for a while, and then gets kicked out or – get this - he leaves! What successful hustler is going to walk out on makeup sex - at night - with only a third grade knapsack to show for it? Nikki spends 70% of his time playing couch potato at Samantha's (Anne Heche) upscale LA home and another 10% of the time playing Kama Sutra around her palatial digs while she whines about how badly he's treating her. And I do mean whines. . .shudder. The other 20% is spent in circular arguments with his dauntless friend, Harry, played by Sebastian Stan. Harry, in turn, lectures Nikki nonstop, with feminist phrases like "objectifying women" – no, seriously! – as Nikki vainly chases Heather, (Margarita Levieva) a small-time hustler who ultimately beats him at his own tired game.
This film gets Mr. Kutcher one nod for a sad little moment in a hotel room, where he hopelessly attempts to connect with someone, via a voice message.
But this reviewer is snatching back our one nod because of a sick final scene, involving a frog and a live mouse – and we wonder just who in Hades paid off PETA?
"Spread" proves that Ashton's skills just get lost once he wandered away from a TV sound stage. This movie is driven neither by tightly constructed plot or nor believable character development. And so sadly, we're reminded again that marginal B-list stars like Ashton Kutcher have to make a living, too.
Starring Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche, this movie vainly attempts to tell the story of a small-time west coast hustler, who imagines himself more successful than he actually is, in the harsh reality light bulb that is LA. Kutcher plays Nikki, who introduces himself with this voice over narration during a three + minute long take. (What male uses the female spelling for his first name?) "My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this city. I don't want to be arrogant here, but I'm an incredibly attractive man. I can't help it, I don't try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother's best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us f*#kin' on the Stairmaster. Los Angeles, California - that's where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and Little Miss Cute Tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart. When I first came out here, I had a dream - a dream of an easy life. I was gonna get rich from lyin' around having my picture taken. I was gonna live in the hills and drive a noisy yellow sports car and f*ck 6' girls who weighed 89 lbs. Guess what? Most of it came true." Is it surprising that it's all downhill from here? Kutcher is unconvincing as the LA hustler of wealthy women, since he obviously doesn't have anything to show for it. He picks up a woman, plays lounge lizard for a while, and then gets kicked out or – get this - he leaves! What successful hustler is going to walk out on makeup sex - at night - with only a third grade knapsack to show for it? Nikki spends 70% of his time playing couch potato at Samantha's (Anne Heche) upscale LA home and another 10% of the time playing Kama Sutra around her palatial digs while she whines about how badly he's treating her. And I do mean whines. . .shudder. The other 20% is spent in circular arguments with his dauntless friend, Harry, played by Sebastian Stan. Harry, in turn, lectures Nikki nonstop, with feminist phrases like "objectifying women" – no, seriously! – as Nikki vainly chases Heather, (Margarita Levieva) a small-time hustler who ultimately beats him at his own tired game.
This film gets Mr. Kutcher one nod for a sad little moment in a hotel room, where he hopelessly attempts to connect with someone, via a voice message.
But this reviewer is snatching back our one nod because of a sick final scene, involving a frog and a live mouse – and we wonder just who in Hades paid off PETA?