ironhorse_iv Review of The Cat in the Hat

The Cat in the Hat (2003)

This cat in the Hat need to be put to sleep for spitting out this awful hairball.

[3/10 · 17 April 2013]

Honestly, I'm probably one of the very few people that like the movie, 2000's real life version of How to The Grinch Stole Christmas. So when I heard that Cat in the Hat was being made, my first thought, was OK, I hope it's as good as the Grinch which I thought was decent. I saw The Cat in the Hat recently and I was amazed at how inappropriate it was. It's disgusting! It was a pastel colored nightmare that I hope I never have to sit through again. Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat is the worst of all the Dr. Seuss movies so far. This film is awful. I really had doubts how they were going to fit in, a short book into a 2 hour movie, and when I saw that scary clown mutant cat dressed and play by Mike Myers that looks more like a child molester of Ronald McDonald in a furry costume, I knew this movie was going was going to be hard to watch. It's so evil looking that the some kids after seeing him in that awful makeup. The movie has lots of naughty jokes like there's a scene where the cat stares Kelly Preston's boobs and the cat pumps up his hat in an erection matter. Then there is butt cracks jokes, as well awful sexual puns. It's like they forgot it's a kid's movie. Let's not forget the scene where the cat got hit over his balls with a fantasy plot point of the cat wearing a drag with sparkles of unicorn? Kill me. Another thing is that film is so lazy that it rushed for adding more plot stories to the point it's not even like the book. The book is pretty simple. It features a tall, anthropomorphic, mischievous cat, wearing a tall, red and white-striped hat and a red bow tie. Here, Mike Myers is not a tall cat, but a fat bobcat hybrid. In the book, the Cat brings a cheerful, exotic and exuberant form of chaos to a household of two bored, loneliness, and friendless young children, brother and sister, one rainy day while their mother leaves them unattended. In the movie, Conrad (Spencer Breslin) is a destructive and misbehaved 12-year-old brat and Sally Walden (Dakota Fanning) dull, well-behaved, and rule-obeying 8-year-old daughter, so unlike their characters in the book. The only problem about changing the characters, is why did they created two of most unlikeable children ever. I would rather have the loneliness children of the book since that is how we, the readers can related to. Mike was honored to play the cat in the hat because of how much he loved the book. Well, he doesn't act like the Cat in the book as he even states that he can't rhyme. Cat in the Hat can't rhyme? It's like if Sam I am can't make Green Eggs and Ham. It's doesn't make sense. Instead, we get Cat's personality goes beyond simple homewrecking a-hole. Poor Mike Myers, he sounds like he miss misses his old career at SNL. Obviously, the jokes, scenes, and impressions all look like rejected Saturday Night Live skits in this film. Before I forget, Adam Baldwin is in the film as the villain Larry Quinn, who wants to send Conrad to military school to solve his destructive ways and marry his mother Joan (Kelly Preston) for her wealth. I don't know what wealth, because in the film, the mother seem like a low-paying real-estate agent who boss Mr. Humberfloob (Sean Hayes) fired people who leave a mess due to Obsessive–compulsive disorder. Sean Hayes also plays the fish in the story. He is barely mention in the film, which is so unlike in the book, where he is the orderly protagonist to Cat in the Hat chaotic antagonist. There wasn't no need for Larry Quinn or Mr. Humberfloob in this movie. Yeah, it didn't feel like Cat in the Hat anymore, or at least the one I grew up. Yes, neither did "The Grinch" as everyone else says, but I felt like that movie could get away with some of the things they did to some extent because, well, it's the Grinch. He's mean, cold-hearted, and was willing to destroy a well-loved holiday just because he wanted to make everyone else miserable, and adding that back story to him, gave us a reason to feel for him, he wasn't really a monster. In Cat in the Hat, the Cat is just awful. In here, you have rubbery fast-paced special effects. The music and singing that pretty damn bland. There were a few moments that got a small laugh, I felt like there was a lot of things Mike did as the Cat that I don't think the Cat would do like swear in front of children. Yeah, you really put it into words best: the attempts at being more adult, relevant, and meaningful just make it more obnoxiously juvenile, dated, and pointless in the end. This film represents everything wrong with kid adaption movies. I know that Dr. Seuss estate even sued Hollywood to prevent any more live-action movies of his books due to this movie. I have to agree. The biggest insult, this film had was a dumb cameo by Paris 'I really wish she never existed' Hilton. What an abomination! I agree that this whole movie is one big sellout, and they plug Universal Studios Florida and other products in the film. Growing up I adored the books Seuss wrote. They taught me to read and properly emote. When I read such stories and things before bed, it made me call up fanciful things in my head. This movie is crap, and I'm proud to say, I'd rather watch the cartoon version any day.