wadechurton Review of Welcome to the Jungle

Welcome to the Jungle (2007 Video)

Up the creek without a paddle and good riddance to the whole thing.

[1/10 · 14 July 2013]

I'm an avid fan of 'found footage' movies, be they horror or not. When done well, the genre packs a wicked punch as is the case with the likes of 'The Blair Witch Project', 'Zero Day', 'Exhibit A', 'REC', 'Trollhunter', etcetera. However, there comes a time when all interested explorers of the genre have to put their foot down and announce 'here there be garbage'. Not only is the story-line in 'WTTJ' unforgivably stupid (as if these four completely inexperienced idiots are going to succeed in finding the long-lost Michael Rockefeller on a sudden whim where countless others' well-funded, intensely researched and painstakingly planned expeditions into the un-mapped jungle-clad heart of New Guinea have failed), but the characters are uniformly detestable. Note to aspiring movie makers; all movies (and especially horror) are inestimably aided by having characters the audience likes. Just think of 'Jaws', 'The Evil Dead', 'La Cabina' or even 'Psycho', all of which boast engaging, well-written (and acted) characters whom we actually enjoy following through their tribulations. With 'WTTJ' we viewers are served up four lame-brains so monumentally repellent that we are all but cheering as they get bumped off. Add to this a couple of script howlers (the interior of New Guinea is apparently inhabited by one single cannibal tribe whose home territory stretches several kilometers down one river, and these chaps are in the habit of carrying their human repasts so unbelievably quickly through the thick jungle that our 'heroes' can travel for hours on a fast-moving raft and randomly disembark to miraculously discover their half-eaten companions staked out therein), and some tediously pedestrian direction and you have a one-star-wonder which only rates that because you can't go any lower. Avoid this beggar's banquet like you would a cannibal's barbecue.