"Now then, my good sirs I was on my travels when I happened across a most heinous film. This pictorial experience was unlike any I had yet encountered... being boring, stupid and silly all at the same time. But the main bugbear I had with it, my children, was the so-called bad guy. This imposter, this charlatan, was trying to talk like me, with a Deep South accent and much musings on his life, proverbs, the Bible etc. But there's where the similarity ends, as he clearly did not understand of what he spoke of. Let me tell you now, it was complete babble... the words springing forth from his mouth, and that combined with his atrocious manner of speaking made me want to stab my ears with a Q-tip. I know you are supposed to hate the villain in a production such as this, but I found his acting style far more offensive than the no doubt terrible crimes he committed. Truly, one of the worst performances it's ever been my displeasure to witness."
"And I'm afraid I bring bad tidings regarding the rest of the proceedings too. One thing I cannot abide is people making unfathomable blunders in the service of a contrived plot. If two girls flagged down a police car in the middle of the night and said they saw someone being murdered, would the officers REALLY take them by force back to the scene of the crime? And when said lawmen arrived and see blood everywhere, would they HONESTLY wander inside without calling for back-up first? And that's not to mention all the times our heroine has the opportunity to shoot the antagonist, stab him, run off... None of which is taken up. Speaking of her, I thought we were onto something interesting with her character when we found out she enjoys killing insects and small birds, before putting them on display in her room. Nope, she's just as much a waste of space as the evil dude. Sure, she kills a few people, but not in a convincing way at all. She's about as intimidating as a glass of freshly made lemonade. With a curly straw."
"If you want to see this storyline done in a much more pleasing way, go out and look for Stoker. It's got Nicole Kidman in it, and that girl from Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. You'll love it. This on the other hand, is just pigswill. I'll be off again now on my DVD journey. Catch you on the flip side. 2/10"
"And I'm afraid I bring bad tidings regarding the rest of the proceedings too. One thing I cannot abide is people making unfathomable blunders in the service of a contrived plot. If two girls flagged down a police car in the middle of the night and said they saw someone being murdered, would the officers REALLY take them by force back to the scene of the crime? And when said lawmen arrived and see blood everywhere, would they HONESTLY wander inside without calling for back-up first? And that's not to mention all the times our heroine has the opportunity to shoot the antagonist, stab him, run off... None of which is taken up. Speaking of her, I thought we were onto something interesting with her character when we found out she enjoys killing insects and small birds, before putting them on display in her room. Nope, she's just as much a waste of space as the evil dude. Sure, she kills a few people, but not in a convincing way at all. She's about as intimidating as a glass of freshly made lemonade. With a curly straw."
"If you want to see this storyline done in a much more pleasing way, go out and look for Stoker. It's got Nicole Kidman in it, and that girl from Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. You'll love it. This on the other hand, is just pigswill. I'll be off again now on my DVD journey. Catch you on the flip side. 2/10"