Review of Hellbound

Hellbound (1994)
5/10
Sympathy for the Devil
26 May 2014
Surely you've heard this one before. Chicago cop Chuck Norris and his motor-mouthed black sidekick Calvin Levels travel to Jerusalem to hunt down a wild-eyed demon called Prosatanos running around looking for the pieces to a scepter he needs to bring about the apocalypse...or something like that. Chuck's character is named Frank Shatter. I think they meant it one way but I took it the other. Calvin Levels has all of the most annoying comic relief sidekick clichés down pat and beats us over the head with them every chance he gets. He also has Whoopi Goldberg's hairdo from the '80s. Sheree J. Wilson, Chuck's co-star on Walker: Texas Ranger, plays his love interest and the inevitable babe-to-be-sacrificed-to-bring-about-Armageddon. A badly-dubbed Zoe Trilling appears in her underwear and a brief shower scene, which is honestly a highlight of the movie. The real star of the movie is Christopher Neame, who hams it up gloriously as the demon Prosatanos. Opening Star Wars-style text crawl was a dead giveaway as to what kind of a crapper this would be. Aaron Norris, the Roger Clinton of action movies, directs with the same lack of skill I've come to expect from him. Good for some laughs at its expense but if taken seriously it's complete crap.
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