Review of Hellroller

Hellroller (1992 Video)
1/10
A definite contender for the title of "Worst Movie Ever Made."
2 November 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Some guy who played bit roles in a few Fred Olen Ray movies decided to make a campy B horror movie of his own. He really shouldn't have bothered as this inept shot-on-video mess is a complete embarrassment. You may also notice a handful of 10-star reviews on here - clearly all written by the same person - trying to pawn this off as some cult film, but don't be fooled. This is as bad as it gets. Wheelchair- bound, constantly-twitching whiner Eugene (Ron Litman) and the woman he always thought was his mother (Mary Woronov under the name "Penny Arcade") go dumpster diving. She says "I should have aborted you!" but then confesses that she's not really his mother but his aunt and that his REAL mom (Ruth Collins) accidentally dropped him on his head when he an infant right before being gang raped and murdered by a set of Siamese twins. After the aunt disappears, Eugene goes to the rotten- toothed "King of the Bums" (David H. Sterry) for help, only to find out she's been raped and murdered, too. Already imbalanced and filled with rage to begin with, Eugene then sets out on a quest to "kick ass all over Hollywood" (i.e. go on a senseless killing spree).

Our paralyzed psycho briefly teams up with a mentally-retarded former film director named Donald (played by director Levinson) who was once "the Fellini of horror pictures in Tennessee." I've seen enough cheap horror films by now to realize the retarded director character is a dig at Donald Farmer. Just one month before this was released, Farmer released a documentary called INVASION OF THE SCREAM QUEENS (1992). Since it featured a photo of Michelle Bauer on the cover taken from this movie, Levinson and co-director Stuart Wall later took "Invasion" producer Sy Yudel on the TV show "The People's Court" (!!) and (unsuccessfully) sued him! So anyway, Eugene and Donald go to a gym and get revenge on a guy for calling Eugene a "crip" and throwing his wheelchair in a dumpster. Eugene then gets a knife from a woman and stabs her in the face with it. They then bust into the hotel room of world famous "model slut" Michelle Novak (Bauer), who's in town to promote her new line of swimsuits. During a scuffle, Eugene convinces Michelle to help him kill Donald and then turns around and guts her in the bathroom.

The lame murder spree continues as Eugene takes an axe to porn actress Hyapatia Lee after she dances, strips and showers, rams a broomstick through a pair of female muggers, kills a topless hooker by ironing her to death and rips out a guy's eyeballs. Sound gory? Sure, but I haven't yet mentioned that most of the victims aren't actually shown being killed, we just get to see the body afterward, including a hilarious moment where a dead woman holds an axe up to her chest to keep it in place. The staging and editing of these scenes is just pathetic. During the last few minutes, the killer goes to a mad doctor and has him whip up a special potion to turn normal people into bums but this idea goes absolutely nowhere. There are a few other useless subplots in here as well, mostly revolving around a couple of TV newscasters making dumb jokes about Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy and interviewing people saying degrading things about homeless people.

Aside from Bauer and Lee's nude scenes, the only other good thing about this movie is the surprisingly good music. Seeing how no one is credited with the score, they probably stole it from somewhere else. As far as the photography is concerned, it's so blurry and poorly lit you'd have to have no understanding of how to work a simple camera for it to end up looking this bad. I set up better-looking shots with a 100 camcorder and a lamp when I was 8 years old.
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