When it was announced that Michael Bay was producing a new film version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the internet's reaction was not positive. However, Bay himself was not directing this newest incarnation. Instead, he was merely producing it. The chosen director, Jonathan Liesbesman, had directed "Battle: Los Angeles" and "Wrath of the Titans," which did little to raise fans' spirits. By the time Megan Fox had been cast as April O'Neil, it seemed like Bay was actively trolling TMNT enthusiasts. Going into 2014's "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," my expectations were very low.
April O'Neil is a fluff reporter for Channel 6 and desperate to break into serious journalism. Her break comes when she spots four vigilantes fighting the Foot Clan, a terrorist organization that has New York City gripped with fear. As the title gives away, these vigilantes aren't humans but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Working with the teens, O'Neil uncovers a conspiracy involving scientist Eric Sacks, the Foot Clan, and her late father.
The internet was outraged when a script, where the title characters were aliens, leaked. The final film ejected that idea. However, it still makes some questionable alterations. A pet peeve I have with modern blockbusters is the insistence that the heroes and villains have intertwining origins. This "TMNT" leans on this hard. April isn't just a lucky reporter. Instead, her father's experiments were responsible for creating Splinter and the Turtles. That's a major change but it's not what bothers me. Instead of learning ninjitsu from Hamato Yoshi, Splinter learns martial arts from a pamphlet he finds. This is a major betrayal of the source material. There's little focus on the Art of Invisibility. Of all the adjectives in the title, "Ninja" is the one least invested in.
The film maintains the villain of Shredder. Despite early reports, Sacks never dons the armor. Oroku Saki is still the Shredder. The two villains are working together to further their evil schemes. This is why Shredder is outfitted with hi-tech armor. However, the Foot aren't ninjas anymore but generic bad guys. By removing Hamato Yoshi from the story, there is no preexisting rivalry between Splinter and Shredder. There's no reason for Shredder to hate the Turtles. The heroes stumble upon their most important adversary.
Michael Bay didn't direct "Ninja Turtles" but his fingerprints are all over it. Jonathan Liesbesman maintains his boss' trademarks. The film has the same gritty but polished look. Sea-sick green lighting crops up. Sweeping crane shots are indulged in excessively. During several scenes, the camera jerks spasmodically. Liesbesman throws in Bay's most obnoxious habits. There are spinning loop-da-loop shots, lingering close-ups on cars, and in-your-face product placement. You'd think "Ninja Turtles" was a Michael Bay joint if it wasn't for two things: The military has no role and it isn't three hours long.
This "Ninja Turtles" has the most in common with the 1987 cartoon. April works for Channel 6. Her boss, played by Whoopi Goldberg, is Bernadette Thompson. Her co-worker is Vernon. However, the movie even messes that up. In the cartoon, Vernon was a foil to April, constantly undermining her. Here, Vernon is a middle-age guy who has the hots for April. This raises the question of why the movie bothered.
Despite featuring the rest of the Channel 6 team, the film leaves out April's best friend, Irma. The film even had the opportunity to include her, since April has a disbelieving room mate. Aside from Shredder, Sacks is the secondary antagonist. Sacks was invented for the film. Traditionally, the mad scientist in the Turtles-verse is Baxter Stockman. Why invent a new character when an established one could have filled the role? According to IMDb, Stockman is in the movie. I didn't spot him. Fichtner is decent and even brings some villainous glee to his lines. However, the character is ultimately forgettable.
Which brings me to the Turtles. Much has been written about the newest designs, about how they're ugly. Their heads are small. Their bodies are hulking. However, perhaps mutated turtles should be ugly. What pushes them into the Uncanny Valley is the human-like nostrils and lips. Yet the designs grew on me. I like the decision to personalize each Turtle. Leonardo sports samurai armor. Raphael keeps sunglasses on his head. Donatello sports high-tech goggles, an electronic backpack, and rigs his bo with hydraulics. He's also turned into a nerd stereotype, with his duct-tape mended glasses and snorting laughter. Michaelangelo is still a party dude but draws from modern hip-hop culture. Splinter makes it out the best, looking exactly like what he is: A giant rat.
What little of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" that works has to do with how the Turtles act. The film, more or less, nails the teens' personalities. Leonardo is the stoic leader. Donatello's technical know-how gets the gang out of scraps. Raph has to grabble with his anger and butts heads with his brothers. Yet the four are family. A moment near the end has him confessing how much they mean to him. Getting the most bad press is Michaelangelo. Mikey has an obvious crush on April and the film takes it too far. However, his role as the funny one is fulfilled with several amusing lines. While ascending an elevator, Mikey starts to mindlessly beatbox. Instead of shouting him down, Raphael joins in, followed by the others. It's a hilarious moment that roots the theatrical action in some sort of humanity.
There's still a lot of April O'Neil. Megan Fox's acting skills have graduated from stiff to forgettable. Liesbesman comes close to engineering memorable action scenes. The sound design is deafening. The musical score shamelessly patterns itself after Hans Zimmer's work. For every element I like, there's something else I can complain about.
Does it work? It is not terrible. It is also not good. The film is not a monstrosity, just a mediocre studio product. It is also not the worst Ninja Turtles film.
April O'Neil is a fluff reporter for Channel 6 and desperate to break into serious journalism. Her break comes when she spots four vigilantes fighting the Foot Clan, a terrorist organization that has New York City gripped with fear. As the title gives away, these vigilantes aren't humans but Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Working with the teens, O'Neil uncovers a conspiracy involving scientist Eric Sacks, the Foot Clan, and her late father.
The internet was outraged when a script, where the title characters were aliens, leaked. The final film ejected that idea. However, it still makes some questionable alterations. A pet peeve I have with modern blockbusters is the insistence that the heroes and villains have intertwining origins. This "TMNT" leans on this hard. April isn't just a lucky reporter. Instead, her father's experiments were responsible for creating Splinter and the Turtles. That's a major change but it's not what bothers me. Instead of learning ninjitsu from Hamato Yoshi, Splinter learns martial arts from a pamphlet he finds. This is a major betrayal of the source material. There's little focus on the Art of Invisibility. Of all the adjectives in the title, "Ninja" is the one least invested in.
The film maintains the villain of Shredder. Despite early reports, Sacks never dons the armor. Oroku Saki is still the Shredder. The two villains are working together to further their evil schemes. This is why Shredder is outfitted with hi-tech armor. However, the Foot aren't ninjas anymore but generic bad guys. By removing Hamato Yoshi from the story, there is no preexisting rivalry between Splinter and Shredder. There's no reason for Shredder to hate the Turtles. The heroes stumble upon their most important adversary.
Michael Bay didn't direct "Ninja Turtles" but his fingerprints are all over it. Jonathan Liesbesman maintains his boss' trademarks. The film has the same gritty but polished look. Sea-sick green lighting crops up. Sweeping crane shots are indulged in excessively. During several scenes, the camera jerks spasmodically. Liesbesman throws in Bay's most obnoxious habits. There are spinning loop-da-loop shots, lingering close-ups on cars, and in-your-face product placement. You'd think "Ninja Turtles" was a Michael Bay joint if it wasn't for two things: The military has no role and it isn't three hours long.
This "Ninja Turtles" has the most in common with the 1987 cartoon. April works for Channel 6. Her boss, played by Whoopi Goldberg, is Bernadette Thompson. Her co-worker is Vernon. However, the movie even messes that up. In the cartoon, Vernon was a foil to April, constantly undermining her. Here, Vernon is a middle-age guy who has the hots for April. This raises the question of why the movie bothered.
Despite featuring the rest of the Channel 6 team, the film leaves out April's best friend, Irma. The film even had the opportunity to include her, since April has a disbelieving room mate. Aside from Shredder, Sacks is the secondary antagonist. Sacks was invented for the film. Traditionally, the mad scientist in the Turtles-verse is Baxter Stockman. Why invent a new character when an established one could have filled the role? According to IMDb, Stockman is in the movie. I didn't spot him. Fichtner is decent and even brings some villainous glee to his lines. However, the character is ultimately forgettable.
Which brings me to the Turtles. Much has been written about the newest designs, about how they're ugly. Their heads are small. Their bodies are hulking. However, perhaps mutated turtles should be ugly. What pushes them into the Uncanny Valley is the human-like nostrils and lips. Yet the designs grew on me. I like the decision to personalize each Turtle. Leonardo sports samurai armor. Raphael keeps sunglasses on his head. Donatello sports high-tech goggles, an electronic backpack, and rigs his bo with hydraulics. He's also turned into a nerd stereotype, with his duct-tape mended glasses and snorting laughter. Michaelangelo is still a party dude but draws from modern hip-hop culture. Splinter makes it out the best, looking exactly like what he is: A giant rat.
What little of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" that works has to do with how the Turtles act. The film, more or less, nails the teens' personalities. Leonardo is the stoic leader. Donatello's technical know-how gets the gang out of scraps. Raph has to grabble with his anger and butts heads with his brothers. Yet the four are family. A moment near the end has him confessing how much they mean to him. Getting the most bad press is Michaelangelo. Mikey has an obvious crush on April and the film takes it too far. However, his role as the funny one is fulfilled with several amusing lines. While ascending an elevator, Mikey starts to mindlessly beatbox. Instead of shouting him down, Raphael joins in, followed by the others. It's a hilarious moment that roots the theatrical action in some sort of humanity.
There's still a lot of April O'Neil. Megan Fox's acting skills have graduated from stiff to forgettable. Liesbesman comes close to engineering memorable action scenes. The sound design is deafening. The musical score shamelessly patterns itself after Hans Zimmer's work. For every element I like, there's something else I can complain about.
Does it work? It is not terrible. It is also not good. The film is not a monstrosity, just a mediocre studio product. It is also not the worst Ninja Turtles film.