I had the choice of watching a Swedish documentary about sheep farming (with NO subtitles) or this 'gem'. I should have stuck with the woolly cattle.
I have never seen a film with so many suicidally slow build ups to... No pay-offs. This skinny nerd under house arrest has his two best friends (a Sexy White Chick and a jive talking' Black Dude, of course) visit him illegally during his incarceration. They smoke, she gives the jailbird some sweets... All against the terms of his release, obviously. Is he EVER caught? OF COURSE NOT. You'd think they'd have better supervision for a convicted criminal, than ONE parole officer who seems to be a complete nutcase.
Mind you, these are some other weird conditions he has to adhere to... apparently, he's not allowed to use social networks... but chatting on the phone is just fine and dandy. Also, why has he got an entire house to himself? Where are his parents? They MAY have been mentioned, but to be honest I wasn't paying enough attention to the coma inducing borefest to really care much.
So, anyway, he's Skyping a girl (That's allowed too... Go figure) when she blows her brains out. Oops. Afterwards, he starts seeing STRANGE things, such as SHADOWY MYSTERIOUS FIGURES and BLOOD IN HIS WHEATO LOOPS... As well as hearing OLD SONGS AT NIGHT. And the lyrics to A BING CROSBY song appearing on the computer... Hold me Mommy... I'm terrified. Still, at least he's getting plenty of exercise... there's at least a few minutes where he potters around aimlessly between each BONE CHILLING moment. These little excursions crank up the fear factor to near intolerable levels of course, and are not an excuse to pad out the already meager running time with a load of tedious crap. Why would you think that?!
His politically correct posse are there to help and guide him... Through many a 'riveting' conversation, the same way talking to a cold caller about insurance would be. At one point, one says the guy's situation "Reminds him of that Shia LaBeouf movie." Lesson No 1: NEVER REMIND THE AUDIENCE OF A MUCH BETTER FILM THAN THE ONE THEY'RE WATCHING. And this is one occasion where I can honestly say I guessed early on the Black Dude would die at the hand of the Sexy White Chick now possessed by the spirit of the dead bitch. Nostradamus, eat your heart out.
If only my powers were so good that I could have skipped the entire er... 'experience'. The last shot is an interesting one... The sight of the feckless geek's disembodied leg, with tag still attached, left abandoned in a pool of blood as the vengeful spirit drags him away. Hey, if it was the only way to avoid sitting through this waste of my life... Then pass me the penknife... NOW. 1/10
I have never seen a film with so many suicidally slow build ups to... No pay-offs. This skinny nerd under house arrest has his two best friends (a Sexy White Chick and a jive talking' Black Dude, of course) visit him illegally during his incarceration. They smoke, she gives the jailbird some sweets... All against the terms of his release, obviously. Is he EVER caught? OF COURSE NOT. You'd think they'd have better supervision for a convicted criminal, than ONE parole officer who seems to be a complete nutcase.
Mind you, these are some other weird conditions he has to adhere to... apparently, he's not allowed to use social networks... but chatting on the phone is just fine and dandy. Also, why has he got an entire house to himself? Where are his parents? They MAY have been mentioned, but to be honest I wasn't paying enough attention to the coma inducing borefest to really care much.
So, anyway, he's Skyping a girl (That's allowed too... Go figure) when she blows her brains out. Oops. Afterwards, he starts seeing STRANGE things, such as SHADOWY MYSTERIOUS FIGURES and BLOOD IN HIS WHEATO LOOPS... As well as hearing OLD SONGS AT NIGHT. And the lyrics to A BING CROSBY song appearing on the computer... Hold me Mommy... I'm terrified. Still, at least he's getting plenty of exercise... there's at least a few minutes where he potters around aimlessly between each BONE CHILLING moment. These little excursions crank up the fear factor to near intolerable levels of course, and are not an excuse to pad out the already meager running time with a load of tedious crap. Why would you think that?!
His politically correct posse are there to help and guide him... Through many a 'riveting' conversation, the same way talking to a cold caller about insurance would be. At one point, one says the guy's situation "Reminds him of that Shia LaBeouf movie." Lesson No 1: NEVER REMIND THE AUDIENCE OF A MUCH BETTER FILM THAN THE ONE THEY'RE WATCHING. And this is one occasion where I can honestly say I guessed early on the Black Dude would die at the hand of the Sexy White Chick now possessed by the spirit of the dead bitch. Nostradamus, eat your heart out.
If only my powers were so good that I could have skipped the entire er... 'experience'. The last shot is an interesting one... The sight of the feckless geek's disembodied leg, with tag still attached, left abandoned in a pool of blood as the vengeful spirit drags him away. Hey, if it was the only way to avoid sitting through this waste of my life... Then pass me the penknife... NOW. 1/10