... would have been a more appropriate name for this bomb. Victor Silva hit his peak with "Jeepers Creepers", and it's been all downhill from there.
Let's, we have Nicky the Tactile Clairvoyant, who can tell if someone is going to die in a particularly gruesome or terrible way by touching them. We have Mr. Creepy Mullet, played by Tobin Bell. Bell must have owed Silva money, or a favor, to have been dragged into this mess. We also have the knuckle-dragging, loping ax-throwers who follow Mr. Creepy Mullet's commands. This movie has a ton of the usual, clicked horror tropes, and none of them mess together at all.
There's the inescapable destination that you can't get away from no matter how far you drive, or which direction that you go in. There are the covert series of acolytes posing as ordinary people, siding and abetting our mysterious evil entity. We have the requisite superhumanly strong, indestructible bad guys that can't be hurt no matter what's been done to them. We have plans/spacial displacement where you can see people, but they can't see you... unless they happen to be one of the bad guys. We also have the requisite traitors in the ranks of our heroes. Then we have to decide if Mr. Creepy Mullet is a good guy or a bad guy at one point in the movie. Is Mr. Creepy Mullet the evil one, or is it Nicky the Tactile Clairvoyant? Mmmmwwwaaahahahahahaha! By the end of this movie, you won't care either way.
Try this. Go into your kitchen and gather some common, everyday ingredients. Take some raw eggs, toss in some tuna fish, a couple of Pop Tarts, some mustard, some ice cream, and some garlic, mix it all together, put it into a pan and pop it into the oven for an hour at 375 degrees. Take it out, let it cool, and enjoy. You'd find that mess more enjoyable and palatable than this dreck. Watch paint dry. Watch grass grow. Watch a pimple form on your forehead. Any of those would be better than watching "Dark House".
Let's, we have Nicky the Tactile Clairvoyant, who can tell if someone is going to die in a particularly gruesome or terrible way by touching them. We have Mr. Creepy Mullet, played by Tobin Bell. Bell must have owed Silva money, or a favor, to have been dragged into this mess. We also have the knuckle-dragging, loping ax-throwers who follow Mr. Creepy Mullet's commands. This movie has a ton of the usual, clicked horror tropes, and none of them mess together at all.
There's the inescapable destination that you can't get away from no matter how far you drive, or which direction that you go in. There are the covert series of acolytes posing as ordinary people, siding and abetting our mysterious evil entity. We have the requisite superhumanly strong, indestructible bad guys that can't be hurt no matter what's been done to them. We have plans/spacial displacement where you can see people, but they can't see you... unless they happen to be one of the bad guys. We also have the requisite traitors in the ranks of our heroes. Then we have to decide if Mr. Creepy Mullet is a good guy or a bad guy at one point in the movie. Is Mr. Creepy Mullet the evil one, or is it Nicky the Tactile Clairvoyant? Mmmmwwwaaahahahahahaha! By the end of this movie, you won't care either way.
Try this. Go into your kitchen and gather some common, everyday ingredients. Take some raw eggs, toss in some tuna fish, a couple of Pop Tarts, some mustard, some ice cream, and some garlic, mix it all together, put it into a pan and pop it into the oven for an hour at 375 degrees. Take it out, let it cool, and enjoy. You'd find that mess more enjoyable and palatable than this dreck. Watch paint dry. Watch grass grow. Watch a pimple form on your forehead. Any of those would be better than watching "Dark House".