The Sopranos: Luxury Lounge (2006)
Season 6, Episode 7
5/10
Never Lauren, Christopher! Not Ever!
5 February 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Christopher forever fantasized about being a screenwriter and he idolized movie gangsters. Humphrey Bogart was the ultimate movie gangster, far more than any other actor. Bogart was married to Lauren Bacall when Lauren was in her twenties and early thirties. Lauren was now close to ninety. She would have been the last person on the planet that Christopher would have assaulted and robbed. It would have made more sense for one of Christopher's friends to attack Lauren and for Christopher to beat that friend bloody. As Bugsy Siegal said to Lawrence Tibbett, "I would protect you from anyone who tried to hurt you. I revere you." That should have been how Christopher felt about Lauren Bacall, only more so because she was an old woman who had been the true love of his idol. If the storyline had to go the way it did, then two hundred other actresses who hadn't been married to Bogart would have been more credible.

The Artie-Benny conflict was interesting, though that too wasn't altogether believable. If they were kept around long enough, many Sopranos characters that had been minor were ultimately given an episode where they were highlighted. Eugene and Finn were pretty much background until they were allowed to shine, one time each. This was Benny Fazio's moment.

Artie pushed Tony almost as far as Christopher had, throughout the series. Both characters had pointed guns at Tony, which would normally have been automatic death penalty offenses. Both had shown disrespect several other times and both had proven rather volatile. Things didn't end in a good place for Christopher, proving that there was a limit to how far Tony could be pushed. Artie didn't think he could ever cross the line and he thought Tony would always protect him. Pussy, Tony Bludetto, Jackie Junior and Christopher had all once held sacred places in Tony's heart. I was truly surprised that Artie had survived the series. He didn't do anything whack-worthy in this episode so I guess I can see why Tony would have stood up for him, yet another time.

What I wasn't sure I accepted was the outcome of the physical confrontation. Artie was a restaurateur who spent his days licking the heels of his customers, arguing with his rather assertive wife and cooking Eggplant Parmesian. Benny's day job often involved beating people up and breaking their limbs. Plus, Benny was at least fifteen years younger than Artie. Yes, the verdict was possible, though not probable. The Lauren Bacall assault and robbery was not plausible.
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