The description on the back of this DVD cover says that a woman must go to Kozukata-Mura, a cursed and insane village where people are mesmerized but (sic) the power of the Kakashi, (scarecrow.) A series (sic) strange matters will happen.
Oh brother. The two typos have offended me and the movie hasn't even started yet.
So, Kozukata-Mura is like 'Gymkata' with The Town of The Crazies, I take it?
I hope I don't have to read subtitles all the way through this? What if they're all laced with typos and poor grammar? It's double duty and a strain on my eyes.
There's already poor grammar in this 'Happy End' trailer I'm watching. It reads, "She wanted different kind of love." Can you imagine if Phil Collins sang -
Never mind.
It continues - "Both people wanted different kind of Happy End." Okay. This is going to be a long night.
Oh man, here we go again and this is the feature! "Legend has it that all man-like figures embody goodly spirits." You mean Godly right, movie?
Why can't this be dubbed in English like a spaghetti western?
Why do I have to read inane garbage like the following, "The newspapers are piled up oupside." Lord give me strength.
The lead actress, Kangaroo, who resembles the lady who makes my banh mi rolls, arrives at some bordello, rents a room, finds a letter that doesn't even belong to her and goes for a drive in the rain while looking for missing kids.
All this weird alien writing keeps popping up on the screen. (I can only imagine all the typos in it.) They're not translating the alien writing.
Isn't Kakashi Japanese porn? Now wait, that's Takeshi. (Who's making the errors now?)
The Vietnamese lady, who makes my chicken salad rolls, (No pate or chili,) breaks down in 'The Vanishing' tunnel, encounters all these people with bad teeth and evil attitudes in Zagreb, (Where they filmed The Town of The Crazies,) while an eccentric predator steals a 5-year-old girl and drives off with a carload of straw people while Kangaroo continues to wander around with no direction and a permanent bewildered look on her face as the director of this obviously went on vacation when they were filming, leaving the cast and crew lost like on 'Gilligan's Island.'
29-minutes in and nothing!
This fluffy business guy, who looks like my uncle, just said, "Ninja Land."
Nothing's happening still.
No nudity. No swearing. No action. No story. Is it PG-13?
Kangaroo, in her pursuit of bed & breakfast, interrupts some suspicious geisha maid, where it's hinted that she was fooling around with a barn animal out in the stables.
Kangaroo encounters nothing but walls of silence and looks of disapproval at every avenue.
This is as boring as the trailer for 'Happy End.'
This movie's filmed like it's under a strict communist regime holding it to ransom where everybody must obey and follow orders and protocol... or else... or else the director will come back and administer cat o' nine tale lashings for disobedience.
This movie's so boring I can only note that the lead actress, Kangaroo, has sideburns.
At last! A scarecrow, with button eyes, takes on Kangaroo in a hand-to-hand duel but unfortunately no karate is exhibited. The scarecrow takes a dive and throws the fight. Kangaroo wins by default.
Some idiot on YouTube recommended that this was highly scary. I'm here to tell you that it's not and that I'm sitting here like a frigging unwashed potato growing roots out of my head and turning green after 54-minutes.
A curse is placed on Kangaroo, via a 48-page exercise book, and she keeps encountering The Lady in Red, who does the best damn impersonation of Donald Sutherland in that 'Body Snatchers' movie as all these other wacky pea bodies watched 'The Blair Witch' so much that they mimic all these straw symbols and act like The Town of the Crazies in some festival of the bonfire.
Speaking of symbol, the artist formally known as Prince shows up in a cameo, well, it looks like him, and Kangaroo right hooks him and slaps some sense into him after he attempts to assault her.
Is this Japan's answer to 'The Wicker Man?'
Some kid, wearing puff pastry and egg wash on his face, just killed the good doctor. Why? I don't know? I may have excluded the good doctor from this scripture earlier so how he fits into the movie, who cares?
So, Prince and The Lady in Red go up in CGI flames at the end. Why? Again, I don't know? Can a flare really set human flesh on fire? No accelerant was used. Baffles the mind.
Movie turns into some sort of Jackson 5 Thriller at the end, without the dancing.
This movie wouldn't even scare a 5-year-old.
The whole movie leaves one yearning for Del Griffith's warm hand to comfort their bum for support and to whisper words of assurance that everything will be okay if you just pop on a different movie.
This is (sic,) dude. This is (sic.)
Oh brother. The two typos have offended me and the movie hasn't even started yet.
So, Kozukata-Mura is like 'Gymkata' with The Town of The Crazies, I take it?
I hope I don't have to read subtitles all the way through this? What if they're all laced with typos and poor grammar? It's double duty and a strain on my eyes.
There's already poor grammar in this 'Happy End' trailer I'm watching. It reads, "She wanted different kind of love." Can you imagine if Phil Collins sang -
Never mind.
It continues - "Both people wanted different kind of Happy End." Okay. This is going to be a long night.
Oh man, here we go again and this is the feature! "Legend has it that all man-like figures embody goodly spirits." You mean Godly right, movie?
Why can't this be dubbed in English like a spaghetti western?
Why do I have to read inane garbage like the following, "The newspapers are piled up oupside." Lord give me strength.
The lead actress, Kangaroo, who resembles the lady who makes my banh mi rolls, arrives at some bordello, rents a room, finds a letter that doesn't even belong to her and goes for a drive in the rain while looking for missing kids.
All this weird alien writing keeps popping up on the screen. (I can only imagine all the typos in it.) They're not translating the alien writing.
Isn't Kakashi Japanese porn? Now wait, that's Takeshi. (Who's making the errors now?)
The Vietnamese lady, who makes my chicken salad rolls, (No pate or chili,) breaks down in 'The Vanishing' tunnel, encounters all these people with bad teeth and evil attitudes in Zagreb, (Where they filmed The Town of The Crazies,) while an eccentric predator steals a 5-year-old girl and drives off with a carload of straw people while Kangaroo continues to wander around with no direction and a permanent bewildered look on her face as the director of this obviously went on vacation when they were filming, leaving the cast and crew lost like on 'Gilligan's Island.'
29-minutes in and nothing!
This fluffy business guy, who looks like my uncle, just said, "Ninja Land."
Nothing's happening still.
No nudity. No swearing. No action. No story. Is it PG-13?
Kangaroo, in her pursuit of bed & breakfast, interrupts some suspicious geisha maid, where it's hinted that she was fooling around with a barn animal out in the stables.
Kangaroo encounters nothing but walls of silence and looks of disapproval at every avenue.
This is as boring as the trailer for 'Happy End.'
This movie's filmed like it's under a strict communist regime holding it to ransom where everybody must obey and follow orders and protocol... or else... or else the director will come back and administer cat o' nine tale lashings for disobedience.
This movie's so boring I can only note that the lead actress, Kangaroo, has sideburns.
At last! A scarecrow, with button eyes, takes on Kangaroo in a hand-to-hand duel but unfortunately no karate is exhibited. The scarecrow takes a dive and throws the fight. Kangaroo wins by default.
Some idiot on YouTube recommended that this was highly scary. I'm here to tell you that it's not and that I'm sitting here like a frigging unwashed potato growing roots out of my head and turning green after 54-minutes.
A curse is placed on Kangaroo, via a 48-page exercise book, and she keeps encountering The Lady in Red, who does the best damn impersonation of Donald Sutherland in that 'Body Snatchers' movie as all these other wacky pea bodies watched 'The Blair Witch' so much that they mimic all these straw symbols and act like The Town of the Crazies in some festival of the bonfire.
Speaking of symbol, the artist formally known as Prince shows up in a cameo, well, it looks like him, and Kangaroo right hooks him and slaps some sense into him after he attempts to assault her.
Is this Japan's answer to 'The Wicker Man?'
Some kid, wearing puff pastry and egg wash on his face, just killed the good doctor. Why? I don't know? I may have excluded the good doctor from this scripture earlier so how he fits into the movie, who cares?
So, Prince and The Lady in Red go up in CGI flames at the end. Why? Again, I don't know? Can a flare really set human flesh on fire? No accelerant was used. Baffles the mind.
Movie turns into some sort of Jackson 5 Thriller at the end, without the dancing.
This movie wouldn't even scare a 5-year-old.
The whole movie leaves one yearning for Del Griffith's warm hand to comfort their bum for support and to whisper words of assurance that everything will be okay if you just pop on a different movie.
This is (sic,) dude. This is (sic.)