The modern-day movie fails to raise my excitability meter, so I take delight that some movies from yesteryear are preserved and available from obscure sources and can be relived in the future. I don't understand why books and movies go out of print.
I no longer go to the cinema, as I'm not paying for the privilege of being humiliated.
So, let's pop on this DVD-R copy of "Night Terror" and go for a spin.
Valerie Harper? I thought Kathleen Beller was in this.
What an introduction to the movie! Remember Charlie from "Mad Max," who copped one in the throat and was left with a robotic voice?
He's here shooting street signs, has a new wave electrolarynx voice shaving machine, and sings the praises of Robin Williams line from that war movie.
I love how he treats the roadside diner lady by chewing up and spitting out her tip. My, aren't we a gentlemen?
Road movies rule! What was that one where the car knocked over all the rattlesnakes?
Or that famous one I used to watch all the time back in the 80s, where all the bees were covering that red Herbie 53 car?
"Wheels of Terror" is an awesome movie, too. I like the part where it insanely drops off a cliff and falls on that unsuspecting twit down below.
They don't make good road movies anymore.
This is what I was talking about earlier: to hell with that new crap at the cinema, "Fast X." I'm not seeing that kind of road movie. Not my style, man. I saw the original but not any of the others. Ten straight movies about hot rods vroom-vrooming around the globe with has-been actors trying to resurrect their failing careers? No thanks.
The last good road movie was "Breakdown."
This Charlie guy sounds like a Cylon.
He's heading for Phoenix, but it's not properly explained who, what, or why he's in a rush to meet. I think he's a hired gun who does favors for governors and other bigwigs.
I heard a rumor that Phoenix has no water today and is in the grips of a drought.
The foundation platform for the movie is chaos as the main actress, who has a bit of Elizabeth Taylor going on from a side angle, divorces her entire family as her husband wants to escape away to see his mistress, and their children are left in the care of Beatrice Pons, who's unstable in her own right, and neglects the son's medical condition that sees him collapse from encephalitis and wears a giant nappy on his brain at the end. Hearing of her son's inconvenience, Elizabeth Taylor's a thousand miles from nowhere, like Dwight Yoakam, and her only means of transport to get to her dying son is by the family truckster from Walley World.
She treks off at the witching hour, and this is going to be a long night.
Running out of fuel, Taylor flags down a highway patrol officer only to witness Charlie blast him away, so now she's on the menu with a target on her back.
She's informed by Siamese twins that a gas station is only a mile down the road, and this scene is a long mile!
Eventually, what's-her-name, Valerie Bertinelli, runs out of puff and ends up at what looks like the house from "Texas Chainsaw: The Next Generation," where she commits a felony, breaks into Leatherface's farm, and steals fuel from Old Man, aka Cook. "We ain't got no gas." What's-her-name has a bit of Jackie Collins going on at the other side angle.
They just used Looney Tunes sound effects then.
This homeless guy is the most pathetic character I've ever seen in a movie, but he's just a gentle giant who's misunderstood. (I bet he pocketed that twenty bucks quick and smart when she left.)
The movie comes full circle when Collins and Charlie reunite and the cat and mouse game resumes while a storm settles in on a rainy night - perfect.
It's Muttley! The killer, Charlie, murders another victim and laughs like Muttley while Collins commits more felonies and jacks the dead guy's ride and ditches the family truckster. Charlie hotwires the family truckster in classic Hollywood fashion in under three seconds. A comedy of errors ensues as Collins crashes and Charlie blows a gasket on the family truckster. Or did the radiator overheat?
Again, Collins runs out of gas.
Is this the part with the rattlesnakes at the 57-minute mark?
Where are the rattlesnakes? I thought there were rattlesnakes in fish tanks. There are no rattlesnakes. What movie was that?
Charlie shows up in Michael Myers pickup truck from "H20," and Collins hitches a ride with him that ends in a kerfuffle wrestling match over the steering wheel and what direction to go in. They crash and are ejected from Myers stolen car, where a confrontation takes place.
Now what the hell does Charlie do at the one hour and seven minute mark? Hear that? He sounds like a donkey who lost all its life savings at a casino in one night. What the hell expression was that?
The distraught woman commits another felony and detonates a car, which causes pollution in the environment. She's just a common criminal now, isn't she?
I really thought Charlie would come back at the end in the hospital and make one last ditch effort to assault what's-her-name. It happens in the Jason movies.
I absolutely love the peaceful end-credit music. It was in every 70s and 80s TV show back in the day and put one in a mellow mood. I could listen to it all day.
Good stuff.
I no longer go to the cinema, as I'm not paying for the privilege of being humiliated.
So, let's pop on this DVD-R copy of "Night Terror" and go for a spin.
Valerie Harper? I thought Kathleen Beller was in this.
What an introduction to the movie! Remember Charlie from "Mad Max," who copped one in the throat and was left with a robotic voice?
He's here shooting street signs, has a new wave electrolarynx voice shaving machine, and sings the praises of Robin Williams line from that war movie.
I love how he treats the roadside diner lady by chewing up and spitting out her tip. My, aren't we a gentlemen?
Road movies rule! What was that one where the car knocked over all the rattlesnakes?
Or that famous one I used to watch all the time back in the 80s, where all the bees were covering that red Herbie 53 car?
"Wheels of Terror" is an awesome movie, too. I like the part where it insanely drops off a cliff and falls on that unsuspecting twit down below.
They don't make good road movies anymore.
This is what I was talking about earlier: to hell with that new crap at the cinema, "Fast X." I'm not seeing that kind of road movie. Not my style, man. I saw the original but not any of the others. Ten straight movies about hot rods vroom-vrooming around the globe with has-been actors trying to resurrect their failing careers? No thanks.
The last good road movie was "Breakdown."
This Charlie guy sounds like a Cylon.
He's heading for Phoenix, but it's not properly explained who, what, or why he's in a rush to meet. I think he's a hired gun who does favors for governors and other bigwigs.
I heard a rumor that Phoenix has no water today and is in the grips of a drought.
The foundation platform for the movie is chaos as the main actress, who has a bit of Elizabeth Taylor going on from a side angle, divorces her entire family as her husband wants to escape away to see his mistress, and their children are left in the care of Beatrice Pons, who's unstable in her own right, and neglects the son's medical condition that sees him collapse from encephalitis and wears a giant nappy on his brain at the end. Hearing of her son's inconvenience, Elizabeth Taylor's a thousand miles from nowhere, like Dwight Yoakam, and her only means of transport to get to her dying son is by the family truckster from Walley World.
She treks off at the witching hour, and this is going to be a long night.
Running out of fuel, Taylor flags down a highway patrol officer only to witness Charlie blast him away, so now she's on the menu with a target on her back.
She's informed by Siamese twins that a gas station is only a mile down the road, and this scene is a long mile!
Eventually, what's-her-name, Valerie Bertinelli, runs out of puff and ends up at what looks like the house from "Texas Chainsaw: The Next Generation," where she commits a felony, breaks into Leatherface's farm, and steals fuel from Old Man, aka Cook. "We ain't got no gas." What's-her-name has a bit of Jackie Collins going on at the other side angle.
They just used Looney Tunes sound effects then.
This homeless guy is the most pathetic character I've ever seen in a movie, but he's just a gentle giant who's misunderstood. (I bet he pocketed that twenty bucks quick and smart when she left.)
The movie comes full circle when Collins and Charlie reunite and the cat and mouse game resumes while a storm settles in on a rainy night - perfect.
It's Muttley! The killer, Charlie, murders another victim and laughs like Muttley while Collins commits more felonies and jacks the dead guy's ride and ditches the family truckster. Charlie hotwires the family truckster in classic Hollywood fashion in under three seconds. A comedy of errors ensues as Collins crashes and Charlie blows a gasket on the family truckster. Or did the radiator overheat?
Again, Collins runs out of gas.
Is this the part with the rattlesnakes at the 57-minute mark?
Where are the rattlesnakes? I thought there were rattlesnakes in fish tanks. There are no rattlesnakes. What movie was that?
Charlie shows up in Michael Myers pickup truck from "H20," and Collins hitches a ride with him that ends in a kerfuffle wrestling match over the steering wheel and what direction to go in. They crash and are ejected from Myers stolen car, where a confrontation takes place.
Now what the hell does Charlie do at the one hour and seven minute mark? Hear that? He sounds like a donkey who lost all its life savings at a casino in one night. What the hell expression was that?
The distraught woman commits another felony and detonates a car, which causes pollution in the environment. She's just a common criminal now, isn't she?
I really thought Charlie would come back at the end in the hospital and make one last ditch effort to assault what's-her-name. It happens in the Jason movies.
I absolutely love the peaceful end-credit music. It was in every 70s and 80s TV show back in the day and put one in a mellow mood. I could listen to it all day.
Good stuff.