The Flash (I) (2023)
4/10
Jumbled Mess of a Movie Like Crushed Tomatoes Going Splat w Overlong Battle Scenes and Unresolved Issues
18 June 2023
The idea of time streams is a complex one, and whether crushed tomatoes are placed on a certain shelf in a grocery store changes the entire history of the world. But here, 75% of the movie consists of long battle and action sequences of the CGI variety which go on way too long and didn't further the story much. At one point it appeared like a video game, most of which I had seen before. Actual story made up about 25% of the film. An aging Batman/Bruce Wayne, played by Michael Keaton reprising his role of 30 years ago, tries to explain the time stream stuff. And get this: he uses the analogy of crushed tomatoes on top of bad spaghetti! (Keaton's reappearance as Batman/Wayne was my favorite aspect of the movie,) But how the time stream stuff works is never fully explained which made me think the screenwriters hadn't really thought it all through.

The story has two plots. The first which we learn pretty quickly so I'm not giving anything away is that the Flash's mom had been murdered and his father has been unjustly accused of the crime. He goes back in time to try to "fix" what happened. But his changing of history has dire consequences. But these consequences have not just Earth-changing significances but also change some of the history of the Universe!

The second plot appears in about the middle of the movie, and as far as I can tell, comes into being because of the changing of history. However, this is never fully explained. This second plot was far too underdeveloped to be completely comprehensible and in some ways I found I didn't really care too much about it.. Without giving too much away, it involves the appearance of General Zod, who unlike the first two Superman movies with Christopher Reeve, is more like a cross between Vladimir Harkonnen of "Dune" and the Incredible Hulk. My problem with this portrayal of Zod is that it was flat and uninteresting. Terence Stamp in the first two Reeve Superman movies made his character highly interesting and appealing. Here he's just a slobbering hulk.

The biggest flaws of this movie: the baddie and his subplot are under-developed, the characters were not developed enough for me to care about them, and the action sequences were far too long and did almost nothing to further the plot. At many points I was waiting in rapt anticipation for the end of the sequence. Even a great action sequence with CGI has to further the story in some way. If it's just action for the sake of action because studio execs think that's what the 14-to-24 crowd wants, it's a bad storytelling decision.

While I liked Keaton's reappearance as Batman, the only aspect which I found entertaining, I felt the overall movie was so in your face in the action department and lacking in story development, I have no desire to see this film again. Yes there are a lot of complex ideas in this film, but a story has to explain them and spend a bit of time letting the audience understand, instead of having superheroes zooming around all over the place going after super-baddies.

In the end, I found myself not really caring that much about the characters which is often the ultimate point of any story. In the first Reeve Superman movie, when Superman finally brings up the dead Lois Lane from her car stuck in the ground, we were on the verge of tears. Here I was like, yeah? There are references to other Superheros in the DC Universe and images of other actors playing the roles of Superman and Batman. At one point it was getting a bit much like this was a homage to the whole DC/Warner Brothers franchise. But Zod is not like the Terence Stamp version, my favorite portrayal, and was just not interesting enough to care one or the other. I have no desire to see this movie again and I doubt whether it will be released in a 25th-anniversary edition a quarter century from now.
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