The Iron Man (1931)
1/10
I'd rather eat my dog's ear wax than watch this again.
16 November 2023
I can see what themes they're trying to get across: loyalty, sexual frustration and what truths are actually true but mother of mercy, this is just so boring and poorly made. It's an awful film - a really awful film - a really, really awful film.

Admittedly Tod Browning was a master of silent cinema but by trying to retain his style in talking pictures, the films he made were just slow, stilted and stagnant. That slow geriatric pace almost works with that vampire film but I think the swirly, creepy mood of that is all to do with Karl Freund's cinematography rather than anything Tod Browning did. This is quite a wordy script and Browning's plodding direction results in what seems like hours and hours of silence with actors standing around, staring into space waiting for their colleagues to read their lines. Coupled with there being no musical score, typical for Universal back then, you half expect to see tumble-weeds blowing by.

It's not really about boxing, the actual boxing scenes are shown often as remote and fuzzy signifying their distance from the main story. This picture is about relationships, it's a kind of love triangle between a boxer, his wife and his manager but unfortunately these relationships are excruciatingly dull. There's no action, no tension, no excitement and no entertainment in this.

The blame for making this so dull and poorly acted lies with Tod Browning. Lew Ayres was outstanding in WESTERN FRONT, he was brilliant in DOORWAY TO HELL even though the latter was directed by Archie Mayo, someone not generally seen as an acclaimed filmmaker. In this however he's terrible....he's as bad as the great Edward G Robinson was in OUTSIDE THE LAW.... also directed by Tod Browning!

Jean Harlow was apparently an absolutely lovely young woman but when she started out, she was an utterly dreadful actress. Even in those saucy outfits, she has as much sex appeal as a cheese sandwich and SpongeBob SquarePants would be more credible as a believable person than she is. She doesn't speak her lines, she aggressively spits them out with exactly the same monotone verve whatever she's saying or whoever she's saying it to. That Lew Ayres' character would be so obsessed with her makes no sense. Maybe it's because I'm a massive fan of Alice White who never got the break Harlow did, but I'm constantly bemused as to how, lacking any personality and even less talent than the divine Alice, she became such a huge star and sex symbol.... especially after this!

I hated everything about this extremely dull film. It's poorly acted, unimaginatively directed and is just horrible.
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