The Boogeyman (I) (2023)
7/10
A monster that could be easily vanquished by one trip to Tractor Supply
31 December 2023
Never in human history has mankind had access to such a wide variety of lighting implements for virtually any lighting need.

You've got LED flashlights packed with thousands of lumens. Battery powered, solar powered, you name it. Even a cheap dollar store flashlight these days is capable of lighting up your entire backyard so you can see who's been stealing your underthings.

Headlamps? We got headlamps. Get one with a rechargeable battery pack and you'll never be without hands free lighting again.

Why not try the Ryobi work light, which will blast 4,200 blinding lumens at that hard to reach manifold, difficult basement job, or closet dwelling creature trying to eat your kids. It's powered by the popular ONE+ battery so you'll never be in the dark again.

Want something more budget friendly? Strap on a puck light or grab a packet of glow sticks at the dollar store (deep down, didn't you know we'd be back at the dollar store again?) and light up your world for mere pocket change.

Of course, if an ancient evil creature is menacing your family and that creature exists only in the dark, you may choose to go without all of these lighting needs and try fighting it with... Oh, I dunno. An bulk supply of tea candles? Your dead mom's almost-out-of-juice zippo lighter? Some 1970s era Christmas lights that depend on an extension cord, even though electrical power seems to be out all over the house?

Now, see here. I actually enjoyed The Boogeyman to some extent, because the scenes were shot well and it was decently acted. But come on. If even one of the bonehead characters in this movie had made just a cursory trip to Harbor Freight (I like to plug aaaall the stores,) they could have completely vanquished that rather feeble creature the very first night. Hell, what I keep in my glove compartment would have sent that Predator-wannabee packing lickety split.

I'm sorry, but when you get right down to it, that boogey creature wasn't all the powerful. In fact, the most dangerous thing it seemed to accomplish was the spreading of mold throughout the house. That's gonna cost the family a pretty penny to eradicate. Too bad they don't have a Tractor Supply, Dollar Tree or Harbor Freight in their neighborhood.

Kind of a cool movie and some scary scenes, but you have to suspend belief a little too much for it to really sink it. I mean, gee whiz, fellas. They make bright lights with little motion sensors on them now, because we live in a time of wonders.
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