A Midwesterner, now living in Los Angeles, recounts his romantic misadventures in flashback over the seven years he has lived there. Struggles include an asthma attack, a bout with a woman who later admits to having herpes, the perennial sexual dynamo, and ultimately masturbation. Throughout, our narrator reflects on his misguided attempts to understand the female animal. Also undercut throughout are females contemplating the opposite sex from their own views.