Jersey Girl (2004)

Ben Affleck: Ollie Trinke

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Will Smith : What's your daughter's name?

  Ollie : Gertrude.

  Will Smith : Damn, why'd you do that, man?

• Gertie : I hate you! I hate you! I wish YOU died, not MOMMY!

  Ollie : I hate you right back, you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back!

• Ollie : Why don't you go get yourself a boyfriend?

  Maya : Why don't you go get yourself a girlfriend?

  Ollie : I spend all day working and spend all night with my kid.

  Maya : So you would rather spend time with your daughter than get laid?

  Ollie : Yeah.

  Maya : That's sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you, Trinke.

• Ollie : "Cats" is the second-worst thing that ever happened to New York City.

• Ollie : Come on, Dad. Don't you wanna live alone again?

  Bart : Not as much as I don't wanna die alone.

• [last lines] 

  Gertie : Thank you, Daddy.

  Ollie : Anything for you, Gert. You know why?

  Gertie : Why?

  Ollie : 'Cause you're the only thing I was ever really good at.

• [after talking to Gertie, after finding her with Brian without their pants on] 

  Ollie : Do you have any questions about what you saw?

  Gertie : [thinking hard]  Do you have what Brian has?

  Ollie : Yes.

  Gertie : [after thinking hard again]  Is it as big as his?

  Ollie : Sadly, yes.

• Ollie : Isn't that cute? It's 8:00 and you both get a bottle.

• Gertrude Steiney : [very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs]  You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!

  Ollie : That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.

  Gertrude Steiney : [crying]  I wanna be a coked-out whore!

  Gertrude Steiney : OK. You can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.

• Maya : I do it at least twice a day.

  Ollie : Good God!

• Bart : If Gertie could see the shit you've been pulling.

  Ollie : Gertie can't see anything, Dad. She's dead.

  Bart : That's right, she is. But you ain't. And neither is that kid.

• Ollie : [having been invited to the bar with Gertrude and Bart]  No, that's OK, I'll stay here and do the dishes. I only cooked, why shouldn't I clean?

  Bart : Suit yourself. Don't wash that pan, I got a nice layer of juice built up for the pork roll, and I don't want you scrubbing it off.

  Ollie : That 'juice' is called grease, Dad. It's bad for you. It clogs your arteries.

  Bart : It's called 'juice'. And it greases your father's insides so he can better swallow the shit his son feeds him twice a year, when he can be bothered to come to visit him.

• Ollie : Convincing a town to approve something that's already in their best interest, that's just delayed common sense!

• Ollie : George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?

• Gertie : Did Mommy like New York?

  Ollie : Yeah, she loved it.

  Gertie : Then I guess I will too.

• [Gertie and Ollie are at a video store] 

  Gertie : You should be a dance teacher, like Johnny in "Dirty Dancing."

  Ollie : l should? Should l say, ''Nobody puts Baby in a corner''?

  Gertie : Oh, can we rent "Dirty Dancing" again?

  Ollie : Ohh... "Dirty Dancing" ranks one notch below "Cats" in my book. Can you pick out something else?

  Gertie : Can we rent this?

  [gives Ollie the box to "Men in Black"] 

  Ollie : [while examining the movie]  Absolutely not. Go pick out something from the children's section.

  Gertie : All those movies suck!

  Ollie : Watch your language!

  [Ollie grabs a video from the adult video section] 

• Bart : You know, you really had me scared for a moment there.

  Ollie : Awww, who knew. All these years you were nursing a little stage fright!

  Bart : Not that, smart-ass.

• [Maya arrives at the front door] 

  Gertie : [to Maya]  Hey! You're the lady from the video store.

  Ollie : Let's not use that term too loosely, okay? Go back and watch your video.

• Will Smith : 'Ey, you Brickman?

  Ollie : No. I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.

• Doctor #1 : [starts to tell Ollie the bad news]  Ollie...

  Ollie : lf l don't get to go in there right now... l swear to God!

  Doctor #1 : Ollie... Ollie, calm down.

  Ollie : Fuck you, calm down! OK? l got dragged out of there, l haven't got to see my baby!

  Doctor #1 : Your baby is fine. She's healthy, she's normal.

  Ollie : What's wrong with Gertie?

  Doctor #1 : l need you to calm down before l...

  Ollie : Look, l'm calm! OK?

  [heaves an exasperated sigh] 

  Ollie : l'm calm.

  Doctor #1 : We think Gertie had an aneurysm.

  Ollie : ls she OK?

  Doctor #1 : We lost her, Ollie. The strain of the contractions and the pushing caused the aneurysm to rupture. There are rarely symptoms for aneurysms...

  Ollie : [the dialogue fades out as the song "That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart'' by Aimee Mann starts to play. Ollie breaks down and sinks to the floor, crying] 

• Ollie : Where are we going?

  Maya : To your place, we're going to have some sex.

• Ollie : Look, you've got two minutes, and then we have to go, OK? Or I'm gonna leave.

  Gertrude Steiney : Would you stop rushing me?

  Ollie : I don't understand how somebody who had all day sitting around to get ready waits till 20 minutes before we have to leave!

  Gertrude Steiney : You try getting anything accomplished with this big gut in your way!

  Ollie : This is one of the few days of the year that I can be fired for being late!

  Gertrude Steiney : Anytime that you wanna carry this baby, Ollie, you let me know! OK? I would be glad to go back to wearing regular dresses instead of this tent!

  Ollie : The dress looks fine. It's gorgeous, OK? It's beautiful.

  Gertrude Steiney : Yeah, until I'm standing next to Janet Jackson or Sheryl Crow. Then you'll see how not fine it looks.

  Ollie : Gertie, I asked you, please, to use your own brush, OK? Can you just not use my brush?

  Gertrude Steiney : Don't start.

• Ollie : Pop, I'm home.

  Bart : Yeah, like I give a shit.

  Ollie : You know, thanks a lot, Pop.

• PR Exec #1 : Are you The Ollie Trinke? The one who used to work at Mandell Kirschner?

  Ollie : Yes.

  PR Exec #2 : Son a bitch!

  PR Exec #1 : YES! I told you, Reynolds. Pay up.

  PR Exec #2 : I got it.

  Ollie : Am I missin' something?

  PR Exec #2 : Nah, nah. He just bet me you were The Ollie Trinke, the one who the "Fresh Prince".

  Ollie : They named it?

  PR Exec #1 : Of course. Are you kidding? You're a legend, man! You did what every flack only dreams about doing.

  Ollie : Which was what?

  PR Exec #2 : You went apeshit! You trashed your client back to the Stone Age.

  Ollie : Yeah.

  PR Exec #1 : We bow to you, man.

  PR Exec #2 : You're like a god around here.

  PR Exec #1 : Yep, exactly.

  Ollie : God enough to get a job.

  PR Exec #1 : No.

  [both executives laugh] 

  PR Exec #2 : What are you, insane?

  PR Exec #1 : No chance, Trinke.