All in the Family (TV Series)

Mike's Hippie Friends Come to Visit (1971)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gloria Stivic : Robin's burning incense. I think it smells nice.

  Archie Bunker : It smells like a house of Ill Refute.

• Paul Goodrow : You see Robin and I took our vows too.

  Archie Bunker : Tell him if they didn't take them in church, then God didn't hear them. He ain't married in the eyes of God.

  Paul Goodrow : But wouldn't Mr. Bunker agree that God is everywhere?

  Archie Bunker : Tell him He certainly is.

  Paul Goodrow : Then He was was there when we took our sacred vows.

  Archie Bunker : BUT HE WASN'T LISTENING NOT WITHOUT THE LICENSE.

• Archie Bunker : When your mother-in-law and me was goin' around together, it was two years - we never - I never - I mean absolutely nothin', not 'til the wedding night.

  Edith Bunker : Yeah, and even then...

• Archie Bunker : [after being sung awake]  I musta died and gone to the wrong place. 'Cause yas all sure sound like hell.

• Archie Bunker : Well in the words of Harry S. Truman, if it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook.

• Jeff Walker : Hey, what's happenin', Man?

  Archie : I'm having a stroke.

  Jeff Walker : Far out. I can dig it.

• Mike Stivic : You got a hang-up about sex.

  Archie : I ain't got a hang-up about... That.

  Mike Stivic : See, you can't even say it.

  Archie : I don't use four letter words in front of women, ya dope.

  Gloria : Daddy, you shouldn't be afraid of sex.

  Archie : Listen, little girl, if I was a afraid of it, you wouldn't be here. Right, Edith?

  Archie : [after Edith's sitting there looking puzzled]  Well, Edith... .

  Edith Bunker : I'm trying to remember.

• Mike Stivic : And for your further edification, calling me a Polack is not gonna bother me. I happen to be very proud of my Polish heritage.

  Archie Bunker : What heritage? You come from a long line of bowling teams.

  Mike Stivic : Yeah? And you come from a long line of boneheads! You think with your mind closed!

  Archie Bunker : And you eat with your mouth open!

  Mike Stivic : [Flummoxed]  You know you are totally incomprehensible?

  Archie Bunker : Maybe so, but I make a lot of sense.

• Archie : What kind of fathead would send us something like this?

  Edith : It's from your mother.

• Edith Bunker : Are you looking for something, Archie?

  Archie Bunker : [Looking through junk drawer]  No, Edith, I'm taking a walk down Memory Lane!

• Mike Stivic : So you decide what's moral!

  Archie Bunker : No, wise guy, THAT does!

  [Pointing] 

  Gloria Stivic : The television set?

  Archie Bunker : No, not the television set - the Bible! Edith, why do you leave the Bible on top of the television?

  Edith Bunker : Because it keeps falling off the refrigerator.

• Archie Bunker : That "Love" may go in some places, but not here - this is a CHRISTIAN house!

  [to Mike's friends] 

  Archie Bunker : GET OUT!