The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Who Stole My Watch (1966)
Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie
Photos
Quotes
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Rob Petrie : You know, I'm... I'm beginning to get a little angry.
Laura Petrie : So am I. Millie and Jerry certainly ought to know we don't suspect them.
Rob Petrie : Well, Buddy and Sally and Mel should know we don't suspect them. They also should know we don't think they took it.
Laura Petrie : Then who took it?
Rob Petrie : I don't know, but one of 'em did.
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[last lines]
Buddy Sorrell : Boy, if I'd had known a watch was *that* neat, I'd have stolen it myself.
Rob Petrie : Hold it. 58, 59, 60! It's Tuesday in Bangkok.
Jerry Helper : Big deal!
Laura Petrie : It'll be Tuesday here before Sally arrives.
Millie Helper : Yeah, where is she? I'm starved.
Rob Petrie : Well, she said she had a surprise. She didn't want to come until she was sure everyone was here.
Buddy Sorrell : I'm here, I'm here. I'm getting ready to leave already.
Mel Cooley : I love it when he says things like that.
Rob Petrie : [the doorbell rings] There she is.
Millie Helper : Yay!
Jerry Helper : It's about time.
Mel Cooley : Where so you suppose she's been?
Buddy Sorrell : I have no idea.
Jerry Helper : Hey, where you been?
Laura Petrie : Come on in.
Sally Rogers : Wait, are you ready for the big surprise? I want you to meet my new date.
[Mr. Evans enters]
Buddy Sorrell : Hey, what a dip.
Rob Petrie : Sal, I'm glad you brought him here. Let's get him.
[everyone lunges at Mr. Evans]
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Laura Petrie : Oh, those are pretty wild slippers.
Rob Petrie : Wild, honey? They're still alive. Listen.
[makes fast movements with his reet]
Laura Petrie : Judging by debris, I'd say we had a very successful party.
Rob Petrie : Yeah. Boy, what presents. This is even better than our wedding.
Laura Petrie : What are you talking about? We got great presents at our wedding.
Rob Petrie : Yeah, but all these presents are mine.
[imitates a samurai]
Rob Petrie : Ha!
Laura Petrie : Would you tell me why in the world Buddy gave you a samurai sword?
Rob Petrie : Honey, Buddy shops at the war surplus store. It was either this or green underwear.
Laura Petrie : What are you going to do with it?
Rob Petrie : Well, I figure if I run out of blades, you know...
[moves the sword in a shaving-like notion]
Laura Petrie : Why don't you see if you can trade it in for green underwear?
Rob Petrie : Yeah.
Laura Petrie : You really did get some nice presents.
Rob Petrie : Yeah.
Laura Petrie : What was your favorite present?
Rob Petrie : Oh, I think the stuffed cabbage Millie's mother sent.
Laura Petrie : Oh!
Rob Petrie : Oh, alright, honey, you know I liked the watch the best.
Laura Petrie : Are you sure?
Rob Petrie : Well, of course I'm sure. What a ridiculous question.
Laura Petrie : Well, I mean, you hardly tried it on.
Rob Petrie : Yes, I did, honey. The wristband was a little too loose, that's all. It kept sliding off my wrist.
Laura Petrie : Oh. Well, it's adjustable, isn't it?
Rob Petrie : Yeah. I need to take a couple of links out of it, that's all. I'll probably do it myself.
Laura Petrie : No, don't, Rob, I don't want you to break it. Why don't you let a jeweler do it?
Rob Petrie : It must be a pretty expensive watch with all those dials and dates and everything.
Laura Petrie : Well, you deserve it.
Rob Petrie : Hey, I'm gonna get it. It's almost midnight. We can watch it go from Thursday to Friday.
Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob, I knew you'd love that watch the minute I saw it. It tells the day of the week, the minute, the second. It tells the hour. It tells everything.
Rob Petrie : Wish it could tell us where it was.
Laura Petrie : What?
Rob Petrie : It's gone.
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Laura Petrie : Hi!
Millie Helper : I'm returning all the things I ever borrowed from you so you won't start saying I stole them.
Laura Petrie : Millie, nobody ever said you stole anything.
Millie Helper : Yeah, well, that guy Evans didn't come over to try a glass slipper on me.
Laura Petrie : Evans was at your house?
Millie Helper : Boy, I've never been so humiliated in my entire life.
Laura Petrie : Millie, believe me, Rob and I told Mr. Evans that you couldn't possibly have done it.
Millie Helper : What a third degree. You'd think I'd stolen some government secrets instead of Rob's watch. That's not what I mean.
Laura Petrie : I know that.
Millie Helper : Well, just the same, I want you to take all these things back.
Laura Petrie : Millie, will you stop it?
Millie Helper : No, you check them over. If that guy Evans comes over with a search warrant, I don't want him seeing your things in my house.
[referring to a shoe]
Millie Helper : Uh, the dog chewed up the other one, and I'll get you a new pair. You look them over.
Laura Petrie : Millie, I will do no such thing.
Millie Helper : No, look them over. I don't want anybody saying I have something that doesn't belong to me.
Laura Petrie : All right, everything's here. Except my cheese grater.
Millie Helper : Well, I gave that to Sadie Stein.
Laura Petrie : You gave my cheese grater to Sadie Stein?
Millie Helper : She said it was her cheese grater.
Laura Petrie : It is her cheese grater.
Millie Helper : None of us is perfect, Laura.
Laura Petrie : Millie, I know I'm not perfect, and I also know that my very best friend isn't a thief.
Millie Helper : Well, then you must have another very best friend, because boy, do I feel suspected.
Laura Petrie : Okay, Millie, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call Rob right now and have him fire the entire insurance company.
Millie Helper : No, the damage is done, and you might shop around for a new dentist. Jerry's returning your X-rays.
Laura Petrie : Millie!
Rob Petrie : Honey, it's me.
Millie Helper : Well, I'm going. I know Rob doesn't want to see me any more than I want to see him.
Laura Petrie : Oh, well, now that's ridiculous.
Rob Petrie : Honey... Oh, hi, Millie. Millie, uh, could I speak to Laura a minute, please?
Millie Helper : Well, of course. You can't very well talk behind my back to my face, can you?
Rob Petrie : What's she doing with Ritchie's wagon?
[Millie sets the wagon down]
Laura Petrie : I guess you're wondering what caused that.
Rob Petrie : I know what caused that. Evans. Boy, is he fast. He shouldn't be in the insurance, he ought to be in the Olympics. Mel's mad me. Buddy, Sally.
Laura Petrie : I am so sorry I ever had that party.
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Rob Petrie : [at dinner] This is good, whatever it is.
Laura Petrie : Told you, chicken paprikash. Laslo at the garage gave me the recipe.
Rob Petrie : Mm. No wonder it tastes greasy.
Laura Petrie : Rob. I'm the last friend you've got. Don't push me.
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Laura Petrie : Everyone will come except the crook.
Rob Petrie : Hey that's right. He never does in the movies, does he? That's not a bad idea to have anther little party.
Laura Petrie : It might be interesting to see who doesn't show up.
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Laura Petrie : Well, I called Buddy, Sal, Mel, Jerry, and Millie.
Rob Petrie : Anybody turn us down?
Laura Petrie : Buddy, Sal, Mel, Jerry, and Millie.
Rob Petrie : Well that does it. They all took it. It's a syndicate.