Frasier (TV Series)

Murder Most Maris (2003)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Maris has been arrested for murder] 

  Frasier : Well, you've got to admit, Niles, it doesn't look very good.

  Niles : I can't believe she could have planned this. You do learn something about a woman when you've slept in a room next to hers for fifteen years.

• [Maris has been arrested for murder] 

  Daphne : So where is she now?

  Martin : They're holding her as a flight risk.

  Niles : Can you imagine?

  Martin : Well, it didn't help that when they found her, she had a passport, a wig, and $10,000 in her purse.

  Niles : Maris always has those things in her purse.

• Niles : [getting off the phone]  That was Maris. Poor thing lost her shoes. She put them outside her cell to be polished, and someone named Big Judy is holding them for ransom.

• Niles : Well, what did we talk about? Uh, we discussed the upcoming women's arts festival and their tableau vivant. They're going to be re-enacting Schmitt's painting of "The Martyrdom of St. Ursula by Atila the Hun." Naturally, Maris will pose as the Hun.

  Frasier : Ah.

  Niles : A tad Germanic for my taste, but nonetheless I told her I'd help out by lending her my antique crossbow to help complete the tragic scene on the Rhine. Of course, talk of the Rhine inevitably led to that wonderful anecdote about the Nazarene painters of Biddlesbock Palace...

  Frasier : [joins Niles in loud guffaws]  Those beer-loving rascals! Tell it, Niles!

• Niles : Apparently, Maris and Esteban had a fight, and Maris kicked him out. She was trying to calm herself by practicing her tableau vivant pose with the, with the crossbow - which, she needs all the practice she can get. She has terribly weak triceps. Well, all of a sudden Esteban burst back in through the balcony window. Maris was-was startled to death and pulled the trigger in self-defense. He was dead before he hit the parquet.

• Niles : I'll be fine. There'll be plenty of time to sleep after the baby's born.

• Daphne : Thanks for what you said about me, though I haven't been completely wonderful.

  Niles : No. You've been irritable and you made me sleep on the couch.

  Frasier : That's the stuff, Niles. Doesn't it feel good to get it off your chest.

  Niles : Oh stuff it, Mr. Malaprop. Family spokesman? The Manson family should have a spokesman like you.

• Martin : [looking at a photo with Niles]  Is that you and Maris on your honeymoon?

  Niles : Ah, that is the experimental liposuction center in Gstaad. So, yes.