The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (TV Series)

Mistaken Identity (1990)

James Avery: Philip Banks

Quotes 

• Vivian Banks : Who is in charge here?

  Sergeant : I am.

  Vivian Banks : Let those kids out.

  Sergeant : These kids are car thieves.

  Vivian Banks : And you have made a big mistake. Now, I don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them, but those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone. This has got to be the biggest amateur operation I have seen since Mayberry R.F.D.!

  Policeman : Could you ask your wife to calm down?

  Vivian Banks : Calm yourself, Barney Fife.

  Phillip Banks : Vivian, please. Now officers, I'm sure we can clear this whole matter up quite easily.

  Sergeant : Could you please sit down? We're busy now.

  Vivian Banks : [removing earrings]  Oh, honey, we're about to get very busy up in here.

  Sergeant : [Threateningly]  Sit down!

  Phillip Banks : Hey! You don't talk to my wife like that.

  Sergeant : Now, wait a minute, buddy, who the hell do you think you're talking to?

  Phillip Banks : Who the hell do *you* think you're talking to?

  Henry Furth : [walking in]  What's going on here?

  Sergeant : Can I help you, sir?

  Henry Furth : I'm Henry Furth.

  Sergeant : Good news, Mr. Furth. Your car is safe and sound, and we've got the perpetrators.

  Henry Furth : Those aren't the perpetrators. Those are my partner's son and nephew.

  Sergeant : [turns to Uncle Phil]  Partner?

  Phillip Banks : *Legal* partner. I've got a few questions for you. When you got this alleged confession from these two young men, did they have a lawyer present? No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents? No. Because we're their parents. So, officer, don't tell us to wait, and don't tell us to sit down. Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out of there, or I'm going to tie this place up in so much litigation that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!

• [last lines] 

  Philip Banks : Carlton, it's late. lt's a school day tomorrow, son.

  Carlton Banks : Yeah, okay, Dad. lt was awfully nice of Mr. Furth to help us out. l'll have to write him a thank-you note.

  Philip Banks : lt shouldn't have happened in the first place, son. Good night.

  Carlton Banks : Dad... if you were a policeman and you saw a car driving two miles an hour, wouldn't you stop it?

  Philip Banks : l asked myself that question the first time l was stopped. Good night, son.

  [leaves the room] 

  Carlton Banks : [quietly, less confident]  l would stop it.

• Will Smith : Uncle Phil, you shouldn't leave me here alone. Did you ever see the movie House Party?

  Philip Banks : No. Did you see the Terminator?

• Will : Hey Carlton. Those cops were just trying to do their jobs?

  Carlton : Will, don't get all bent out of shape.

  Will : Man you ain't learned nothing this weekend did you?

  Carlton : I most certainly did. Always bring a map.

  Will : What?

  Carlton : Will if we had brought a map, we wouldn't have had to drive 2 miles an hour trying to find a freeway entrance. And we wouldn't have been stopped.

  Will : Oh ok I get it now. So we were stopped because we were driving too slow. We were breaking the slowness limit. Ohh see I ever heard of that law Carlton, but I did hear about this one. It's called the "if you see a black guy driving anything but a burnt out pinto, you better stop him because he stole it" law. Yeah I heard about that one, but see I thought it was the black guy law but in actuality we were breaking the slowness limit law. Oh, thank you for sharing with me Carlton. Good night.

  Carlton : They were just doing their jobs.

  Will : Good night Carlton.

  Carlton : What is your complaint here? We were detained for a few hours, dad cleared things up and we were released. The system works.

  Will : Well I hope you like that system because you're going to be seeing a lot of it in your lifetime.

  Carlton : Not if I bring a map.

  Will : You just don't get it do you? No map is gonna save you. Or neither is your glee club, or your fancy bel-air address or who your daddy is. Because when you're driving a nice car in a strange neighborhood, none of that matters! They only see one thing... ..

  Carlton : Well maybe growing up where you did has made you a little touchy. Will you're blowing this way out of proportion. If you look at the facts... ..

  Phillip Banks : Carlton? It's late. School day tomorrow son.

  Carlton : Yeah yeah ok dad. You know? It was awfully nice of Mr. Firth to help us out. I'll have to write him a thank you note.

  Phillip Banks : Shouldn't have happened in the first place.

  Carlton : Hey dad if you were a policeman and you saw a car driving 2 miles an hour, wouldn't you stop it?

  Phillip Banks : I asked myself that same question the first time I was stopped. Good night.

  Carlton : I would stop it.