The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (TV Series)

Striptease for Two (1992)

James Avery: Philip Banks

Quotes 

• Philip Banks : [to Will and Carlton]  I wanna know what excuse you two have for pulling such a stupid stunt.

  Carlton Banks : We needed the money.

  Philip Banks : For what? And I want the truth.

  William 'Will' Smith : All right, it's like this, Uncle Phil. See, Carlton got this inside tip on a stock.

  Philip Banks : Federal offense. Go on.

  William 'Will' Smith : Then we pawned Aunt Viv's bracelet to get the money for the stock.

  Philip Banks : Grand larceny. Impressive.

  William 'Will' Smith : Then, we lost the money, so we had to strip to get the bracelet back.

  Philip Banks : That would be indecent exposure. Is there more?

  Carlton Banks : I'm afraid so, Dad. We never got the clasp fixed on Mom's bracelet.

  Philip Banks : [starts to laugh]  You never got...

  [Will and Carlton laugh with him] 

  Philip Banks : I don't know what to say!

  [They laugh harder] 

  Philip Banks : What can I do? What do you boys think I should do?

  William 'Will' Smith : I don't know, reward us for our honesty?

  [Will, Carlton and Philip laugh] 

  William 'Will' Smith : Hey, it worked for the Beav!

  Philip Banks : The Beav!

  [They all laugh harder... until Philip bursts to his feet] 

  Philip Banks : DO I LOOK LIKE A WHITE GUY NAMED WARD? Now you get that bracelet back and, for the next six weeks, I don't want to hear you *breathe*, or I'm calling the Feds myself!

  [Philip storms out] 

  William 'Will' Smith : I-I guess this probably ain't the best time to tell him we ran over the mailbox.

• Philip Banks : This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey. You've outdone yourself.

  Geoffrey : You're too kind, sir. Moron! Fat head!

  Vivian Banks : Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?

  Geoffrey : I'm terribly sorry, madam, but it's the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded. However, I shall maintain my professionalism. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!

  Vivian Banks : Geoffrey, start buffing the silverware.

  Geoffrey : What the hell is your problem? You got bricks up your butt, you clown? Right away, madam.