Green Acres (TV Series)

Never Trust a Little Old Lady (1966)

Eddie Albert: Oliver Wendell Douglas

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : [Eb is dressed for a drought in a swimsuit, jungle helmet & sunglasses]  Eb, we've got to go to Pixley to pick up the tomato plants. Now take that stupid outfit off.

  Eb Dawson : Pixley's a pretty big town. I ought to wear something.

  Lisa Douglas : Eb's right. He might get arrested for undecent explosion.

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : ...The nut on television is predicting rain! The numbskull on the radio is singing a song about the drought! Isn't there anybody around here who can give you accurate weather information?

  Hank Kimball : Of course - if you want fast, accurate, up-to-the-minute weather information, you just pick up the phone and call me, and I'll give you the latest scientific forecast.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : You have a weather station?

  Hank Kimball : No... an almanac.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : You go by - ?

  Hank Kimball : Richard Poor's - founded and written by Franklin Benjamin. I've found the almanac to be almost infallible. Well, not almost - and not infallible - it's usually right some of the time. Now, here's what it says for last night: "Salads are made, salads are tossed, don't plant tomatoes because of the frost."

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : The almanac predicted the frost last night? What does it say about today?... "Today's the day for hunting grouse, so get your tomatoes out of the house."!

  Hank Kimball : Well, I guess you know what to do now.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : Yes, I do - but there's a law against it!

• Lisa Douglas : [angry]  Oliver! One of these days you're going to be a little man and you'll come out of your own house and nobody is going to look at you because you're such a grouch!

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : [shouting]  And that will be the happiest day of my life!

• Mr. Haney : [hods up two troll dolls he claims are voodoo dolls]  And this is the Mildred hexer and this is the Walter jinxer. Just a few pins in the right places and you can put the weather where everyou want it.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : Do you happen to have a Haney hexer?

  Mr. Haney : No, I don't believe I do.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : Oh, that's too bad. Then I'll have to start sticking the pins in you personally.

• Oliver Wendell Douglas : Are you gonna take my tomato plants to Hooterville?

  Charlie Pratt : No, sir.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : [turn to Floyd]  If I get a truck, will you help Eb load 'em?

  Floyd Smoot : [wearing beach clothes]  No, sir. I ain't gonna get no sunstroke.

  Oliver Wendell Douglas : [turns back to Charlie]  Would you?

  Charlie Pratt : [wearing a life jacket]  No sir, I can't swim.