"Green Acres" The Free Paint Job (TV Episode 1971) Poster

(TV Series)

(1971)

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9/10
Here's why Oliver never got the house painted
FlushingCaps4 February 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Lisa is trying to come up with something special to cook for Oliver's birthday, some 3 weeks away. Oliver is not interesting in Stuffed Kangaroo Tail or Stewed Elephant, and she eventually settles on Spaghetti and Meatballs-except instead of reading the directions on the box, she tosses the whole box of spaghetti into the huge pot of boiling water and cooks it for hours until she had a big lump about 10 inches long and 6 inches high. She also tries a meatball and winds up with a small volleyball-sized piece of meat.

Meanwhile, Oliver is approached by a man named Lester Luster who represents the Luster Paint Company. They would like to use the Douglas farm for advertising pictures-before and after they paint the house-for free.

They run into a problem when they go to paint it. The paint goes on nicely but after a couple of seconds, we hear a giant sucking sound and the paint disappears. Even multiple layers on the same area, it keeps disappearing.

Mr. Haney comes by and, more or less, explains the problem. The house, he says, is made of genuine Mississippi Chittlin Wood, that is very porous and actually needs to breathe. He tells Oliver that he can seal it off by closing the pores by using a key, and does his usual when Oliver tells him he doesn't have a pore key: "You don't have a pore key?" (with his high-pitched voice of surprise). Haney happens to have such a key and he finds the "pore key hole" but says he can't do anything because his pore key spring is busted.

Not believing Haney, Luster asks for a board to take to his company's laboratory to see what they can learn. He returns with one short board, painted bright green like Lisa wanted, but when you hold it up near your ear, you hear what sounds like an old man who just ran two blocks down the street. Oliver tells Luster he'd rather have an unpainted breather than a nicely painted wheezer.

We finish with Oliver taking Lisa to Pixley to a restaurant to see what a real spaghetti dinner looks like. I guess we should have seen it coming-the waiter brings out a tray with a lid and when he removed the lid-we see a big hunk of spaghetti with one giant meatball on top. He explains they just got a new cook from Hungary. So Lisa heads for the kitchen saying the cook might be her mother.

There were a lot of laughs despite the simplicity of the plot. Oliver has trouble picking up Lisa's dress at a dry cleaner-it is the shade of green she wants for the house-because the guy thinks Oliver is picking up his own dress, even asking if he'd like to try it on to make sure it didn't shrink. Mr. Luster is flustered when he first knocks on the door at the farm and is greeted by Arnold, the pig. One of my favorite scenes was when the man was trying to take the "before" picture of the house and Kimball kept getting in his way.

Overall, this was a very good episode featuring all new material. That makes it a 9 from me.
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10/10
Hooterville = The Twilight Zone
chashans29 February 2024
Warning: Spoilers
As a kid watching "Green Acres", I had a theory that the farming community of Hooterville (or 'Hootersville' as Hungarian Princess Lisa Douglas would say) was firmly located within a backwater corner of Rod Serling's "Twilight Zone". If there were one episode of GA which goes furthest in proving that theory, it's this, "The Free Paint Job".

In it's 6th season, Green Acres had perhaps lost a little of it's lustre. Every few episodes though, the writing and production could really hit the mark, and this episode proves that there was still a lot of originality to be presented. While it's certainly a shame that the show was denied a 7th season due to CBS's then new Top Man, Fred Silverman and his "Rural Purge" (every CBS series featuring a tree was canceled regardless of it's success and top ratings), maybe it was an ideal happenstance that Green Acres went out while still teetering atop of it's game. Like the way another CBS stalwart, "The Dick Van Dyke Show" had done, voluntarily, a few years prior.

"The Free Paint Job" though, is Green Acres at some of it's surrealist best. Straight from the top, we encounter cooking-challenged Lisa explaining to husband Oliver how to prepare the delicacy of Stuffed Kangeroo-Tail (how could Oliver have not guessed HOW one stuffs a Kangeroo tail?!) Then we share in Oliver's astonishment at the sight of Lisa's attempt at cooking up a massive wad of severely boiled spaghetti. Later in the episode, more spaghetti experimentation leads to a possible attack by a related kin of Steve McQueen's 1950's horror film co-star, The Blob.

It's always added fun when other members of "Real World Society" find themselves trapped alongside Oliver within the lunatic existence of the unidentified asylum that is Hootersville. Exactly that is what happens to three Real World employees of the Luster Paint Company. They want to use the Douglas farm house in a "Before and After" marketing campaign of their product. First though, the advertising man with the paint company is subjected to a pig that not only answers the door upon which he has knocked, but also "meows" at him. Later, a paint company employed photographer attempting to capture the farm house in all it's dilapidated glory, has to put up with addle-minded County Agent Hank Kimball wanting to get in on the view. Most perplexed by his encounter with the Douglas homestead, is the worker tasked with actually applying the paint to the structure's wooden boards. The house's reaction to the application of the paint, would be enough to send any normal-minded individual scurrying to the nearest "funny farm".

Down at the General Store, Sam Drucker gets in some great, though unintentional pot-shots at Oliver. Eventually, con-man extraordineer Mr. Haney (who performs an impression of the Douglas house!) gets to provide some previously unknown factoids regarding the makeup of the type of wood of which the Robert E. Lee birth-place replica hovel has been built.

There's some great stunt work action concerning Oliver, the result of a careless pig who has enjoyed a delicious banana. Then there's a moment of "How did they do that?!" when Oliver, inside the house, receives a face full of spray paint which seeps immediately 'through the wall' as the painter - outside - attempts to apply a fresh coating.

The level of surrealism "goes to eleven" when the paint company advertising man eventually is able to present Oliver with a painted sample of the house's wooden board pieces. Due to 'sealed pores' within it, the wooden board struggles mightily to breath, gasping in utter desperation for air. Fascinating and hysterical!

Truly one of the best and most bizarre episodes of Green Acres ever to grace the televisual Universe. A terrific example to show to a novice viewer and entrap them... in the Twilight Zone... of Hootersville.
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